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How Do You Get Married?


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#1 Guest_Simple_*

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Posted 29 October 2011 - 07:00 PM

Salaam aleikoum,

I might be known here as the marriage obsessed teenager. Times have changed. BUT I still want to get married and I'm not a teenager anymore. Forever 21 from now on  laugh.gif . My question isn't: How do you get married? it's more like where do you start? I still haven't had any proposals yet, except for one in a bookstore in another country which I didn't knew about until months later. Anyway my father isn't really a part of the family and my brothers aren't looking for a husband for me. What do I do? Do I wait? Do I contact the imam? Is that desperate? Do I ask a random woman at the mosque who is there often? Should a girl just say nothing and wait or be pro-active?  By pro-active I don't mean seducing men outside  closedeyes.gif I don't want to tell mom and my bro's about it, because they know useless guys anyway. Advice would be MUCH appreciated right now.

Lots of love,

Samira

#2 MotherDove

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Posted 30 October 2011 - 02:39 AM

Assalaamu alaykum

Do you have any friends who could put the word out for you? Friends who are in deen like yourself, who would perhaps know of good families or even have nice, single, righteous brothers themselves?

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#3 um-zakaria

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Posted 30 October 2011 - 09:06 AM

salamu aleykum,

dear sister i really feel for you.

i was in your case too,
with a family who is even not muslim (may Allah ta'ala guide them ameen)
i was too shy to ask anyone, i really advice you not to be as shy as i was because this doesn't help at all!
I only made du'a, in every occasion like sujud, last part of the night etc...
a brother made a proposition via my neighbour who was muslima, even she was very shy about this . He only saw me going to masjed with hijab alhamdulillah and just tried. i was so naiv and helpless shy and i thought the most important is to be on the same road in deen, i only made Istikhara and now i'm 13 years later with 4 children mashAllah and not shy at all when it comes to qustion about marriage,
GIRL! Don't be shy make everything halal on your side to get a good husband, be aware of your rights befor marriage to have all prepared in a marraige contract!
Of course the most important is the deen but subhnaAllah it is also wise to have similar culture and social status. look at the family also, because you will not marry an orphan normally but somone who has to deal with his family too.

This said i have to add that Allah ta'ala gave me the favour of an understanding husband who cares about me mashAllah la quatta illa billah, but trust me , the day when it will come that my daughters will be asked for marriage inchAllah i will advice them firmly in things they can't know before beeing married...

salamu aleykum




#4 Guest_Simple_*

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Posted 30 October 2011 - 11:07 AM

Salaam aleikoum, Unfortunatly I don't have religious friends. Well Allah knows whether they are, but they have different criteria for a husband and well that's not going to work out. I need new friends.. So family is a no, friends is a no, what can I try besides praying for a righteous husband? Sis um Zakaria, thank you for sharing that with me. May Allah always keep you happy together. Alhamdellah I know that I'd be marrying his family too basically and I know that the process of getting married might not be easy, but I think I am ready. Please keep praying for me and your advice is welcome on how I should deal with this. Kind regards

#5 zuhra

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Posted 30 October 2011 - 03:11 PM

wa alaikum assalam,

Is there a mosque near where you live? Try to join some activities and then meet up with religious sisters who might know someone. smile.gif
Or you can try the online method.

#6 sana

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Posted 30 October 2011 - 06:12 PM

Salaaam

I feel for you, theres a lot of sisters in the same boat. Unfortunately marrying nowdays has become so difficult.

Try the masjids, but if there more cultural than deen ones, stay well clear. other than that, if you've no family 2 help, then really it makes it 100X harder. The online thing you would still need a member of your family to help, cos ive heard of so many sisters getting taken advantage of these sites, then there the rare 1-2 that find their partner on there. Im sorry if this doesnt help but getting on the marriage ladder is actually quite a mission these days.

Also i would say to you, dont stress/obsess about marriage, it'll happen when it does. Your only 21, so dont expect 2 find some1 quick, or put a age on when you want to get married either, ive seen this happen to a lot of girls, only 2 fall down really hard. some people dont even get married, so always have that in mind, that watever happens is already pre-written. Im not trying to make this negative, just saying sometimes you can try really hard at wanting something halal only for it to never happen. Marriage isnt the be all and end of life. I hope you get what im saying here.

as 4 the friends thing then what about getting more active in the community or even being a regular at lectures within your own area ? do you work/study ? either way, give yourself something to do, and give you a positive focus.

make plenty of dua.


Sana

Edited by sana, 30 October 2011 - 06:30 PM.


#7 ummnus

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Posted 31 October 2011 - 11:18 AM


salaams sis, i was once in the same situation, Allah says seek help in patience an salaah, this is so true as i wanted to marry for years since i was about 15/16 and i got to a point where i thought i would never marry as noone would hear of me, i lived in a non muslim area and lived with my non muslim parents and didnt really have any muslim friends, however alhamdulillah my brothers were also muslim but living in another city and even country and they were looking. but Allah will eventually find you someone so long as you are doing it for his sake, the only reason it may take a while is because Allah wants the best for you. never give up. i dont recommend the internet as too much fitnah and wrong going on there. you dont want to end up marrying the wrong person and then being miserable or worse even have to part. i do recommend getting a trustworthy imam who is on the same aqeedah as you to help you look. also im happy to help you look if you could tell me about yourself and im sure sisters here will too.

#8 fragrant

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Posted 01 November 2011 - 12:10 PM

Salam My Dear Sis Simple,

I'd just say keep making du'a and most importantly b.e.l.i.e.v.e that Allah will send you that man. Your mind is a magnet ?

I know alot of young Arab guys who wants to get married. They are not where you live though biggrin.gif But my point is, I notice Arab guys are open to the idea of getting married, even if they are just students in another country. They won't mind being approached by a sister for a marriage idea. So look around, try asking your MSA, local masjid, etc.

Now, I know people always suggest imam. But... my husband gets asked many times by bachelor guys and girls who's looking to get married and he is not Imam. He is just a business owner. So... my suggestion is, try asking your local Arab businessman/businesswoman. If I'm not mistaken, there's Arab restaurants, Arab stores etc where you live so try asking them. Business people usually know alot of people from different walks of life. My hubby knows students, business owners, normal people, rich people etc lol........ I don't know how things work with Imams but the people my hubby knows are diverse. You'd be surprised many are not fussy. He helped an Arab guy married a local girl and the funny thing is the Arab guy don't know Malay and the Malay girl don't know arabic and both don't know English LOL but they have two kids already now mashaallah. He also helped another friend from Saudi marry a Korean convert, etc..... I guess business clients are more ... real? And laid back. So anyway, inshaallah you'll find alot of interested blokes.

Your only problem then would be which one to pick, lol. Inshaallah smile.gif

If you can lower down your material expectations, it would make things simpler, too. For example... maybe when you just got married you will have to work, no car, no proper food etc because he is also a student.. or his job is not so impressive. But as per my own experience, things will turn out better as time goes by inshaallah.

#9 mahdia

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Posted 01 November 2011 - 03:08 PM

salaam alaykum
do not forget qiyam ul layl or the night prayer
wake up in midnight to cry to Allah and make dua in sujood every night
believe it works. Allah loves us to ask him for help so do it smile.gif
you can join some classes where you know muslim might attend
I do not know your city and whats available there but i'm sure there are some classes somewhere (unless your city is really tiny) that would bring some muslims in
best wishes to you
Allah grant you what is best for you and make you satisfied. Ameen

#10 Zakiya

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Posted 03 April 2012 - 12:50 PM

I'm wondering the same subhaan Allaah.

So difficult to come across people in a halal way!

May Allaah ease our affairs, aameen.

#11 Umm Muslim

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Posted 05 April 2012 - 07:03 AM

wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah

May Allaah make it easy for you ukhti Zakiya. Ilahay mid khayr qaba oo diintiisa ku daqma ha ku siyo! Dhamanteen, same for all of us yaa subhana Allah.

#12 Zakiya

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Posted 06 April 2012 - 05:06 AM

QUOTE(Umm Muslim @ Apr 5 2012, 08:03 AM) View Post

wa alaykum assalam wa rahmatullah

May Allaah make it easy for you ukhti Zakiya. Ilahay mid khayr qaba oo diintiisa ku daqma ha ku siyo! Dhamanteen, same for all of us yaa subhana Allah.


Aameen!!!

Jazaaki Allaahu khayran walalo! <3

#13 Guest_Simple_*

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Posted 06 April 2012 - 09:38 AM

Salaam aleikoum,

ameen. You just don't know where to start.. just sit and wait for it eh?

#14 Zakiya

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Posted 06 April 2012 - 10:27 AM

QUOTE(Simple @ Apr 6 2012, 10:38 AM) View Post

Salaam aleikoum,

ameen. You just don't know where to start.. just sit and wait for it eh?


Wa'alaykis-Salaam

That's what I've been doing for half a decade, 5 years, ever since I joined this forum.
But today is friday so inshaa Allaah I will supplicate in the time 'adiyaat is accepted in particular.

#15 Rushna

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Posted 07 July 2012 - 03:05 AM

walaikum salam wa rahmatullah

Sis! I have the same problem! My mum's not really interested in marrying me off, I have no close relatives to find me a spouse, I have no local masjid since ours doesnt usually allow females and I have no wali (even with online method you'd need a wali). sad.gif


#16 Guest_Simple_*

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Posted 17 July 2012 - 08:35 PM

Salaam aleikoum sisters,

I pray that all of us find a good husband soon.

Rushna, I'm sad to hear that, but did you try calling your local mosque and explain your situation?
How old are you btw?




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