Salam Alaikum
I want to know do I have to fulfill a promise which contradicts the Islamic spirit.
The problem is, I promised my Dad that no matter how much I accept a brother's proposal (after making istikharah, etc), if my Dad said no, that means no. This means according to the promise, my Dad can marry me to whomever he wish whether I like the brother or not because I told him my life will be in danger if my Dad does not give his redha to me yakni if I marry a good brother and my Dad is against him just because his not a rich man, and I marry him, I will go to jahannam because my Dad don't like him. I really thought back then that my life depends on my Dad's redha ONLY. But now I find out that as a daughter, I do have the right to agree with a proposal or to refuse.
Now my Dad and my Mum are constantly using this promise as a threat. (Marry this rich man I know... If you don't listen you'll perish!- example)
So know what should I do? There is a brother who is of good akhlak and he will propose me again for the second time. Both my parents agree that this brother is a good Muslim. But they refuse him simply because they say i 'deserve someone better' i.e I deserve a rich, wealthy man. And they will remind me of my 'promise'.
The problem is, at the time I made the promise, I really did not know that I have haq in deciding my own future. I I really did not know that there is such right in Islam.
But now I know.
By the way, I made that promise under pressure..
Should I just stick to the promise and giveaway one of the most treasured haq that no other religion give to women?
Please, please advice me.
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Promise contradicts spirit of Islam- Void?
Started by
Guest_Bubbles_*
, Aug 02 2003 03:08 PM
1 reply to this topic
#2
Posted 03 August 2003 - 03:53 PM
Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh,
Dear sister,
It is true, you have the right to accept or reject a proposal, but your father also has an important say in it, and his approval is necessary, unless, he has no reason for rejection based on the brother's manners and religion. At the same time, sometimes our parents have more wisdom than we think. It may be that your father in his wisdom thought that you are accustomed to more worldly pleasures and that you would have a hard time adjusting to a simpler lifestyle. Of course, I don't know and none of us can judge here because we only know your side of the story.
I suggest very strongly that you have a heart to heart talk with your parents and explain your position. You have to be kind to your parents in all situations, even if the situation would be so severe that you would go over your father's head and go to the next relative according to the shareea'h for another waly for marriage. If they have rejected proposal after proposal from good Muslim men, then you should explain to them that this is not correct and if a man with good religion and manners comes, he should not be rejected. You can then explain that you have the right to go to a judge in this case and your next immediate relative can act as your waly.
If this is the first one that came with good religion and was rejected, then maybe you should have more patience. Explain why you think this man would be good for you and listen very carefully to their reasons for rejecting him. Weigh their position, the situation and the risks involved before taking any action.
I do not see that you made a promise that you would marry whoever your father chose for you. You did tell him you would only accept who he accepted and this is the correct Islamic way, unless of course, he has no valid reason for rejecting. Again, explain your position and ask your parents to explain theirs. Keeping communication open is the best route.
I think you should contact a scholar or local sheikh about your promise, if you feel like you need to break it. It is better that they judge your situation on an individual level, knowing all the factors involved.
May Allah guide you to that which is best in this world and the Hereafter.
Dear sister,
It is true, you have the right to accept or reject a proposal, but your father also has an important say in it, and his approval is necessary, unless, he has no reason for rejection based on the brother's manners and religion. At the same time, sometimes our parents have more wisdom than we think. It may be that your father in his wisdom thought that you are accustomed to more worldly pleasures and that you would have a hard time adjusting to a simpler lifestyle. Of course, I don't know and none of us can judge here because we only know your side of the story.
I suggest very strongly that you have a heart to heart talk with your parents and explain your position. You have to be kind to your parents in all situations, even if the situation would be so severe that you would go over your father's head and go to the next relative according to the shareea'h for another waly for marriage. If they have rejected proposal after proposal from good Muslim men, then you should explain to them that this is not correct and if a man with good religion and manners comes, he should not be rejected. You can then explain that you have the right to go to a judge in this case and your next immediate relative can act as your waly.
If this is the first one that came with good religion and was rejected, then maybe you should have more patience. Explain why you think this man would be good for you and listen very carefully to their reasons for rejecting him. Weigh their position, the situation and the risks involved before taking any action.
I do not see that you made a promise that you would marry whoever your father chose for you. You did tell him you would only accept who he accepted and this is the correct Islamic way, unless of course, he has no valid reason for rejecting. Again, explain your position and ask your parents to explain theirs. Keeping communication open is the best route.
I think you should contact a scholar or local sheikh about your promise, if you feel like you need to break it. It is better that they judge your situation on an individual level, knowing all the factors involved.
May Allah guide you to that which is best in this world and the Hereafter.
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