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Her Nasiha made me feel bad


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#1 Guest_musaafirah_*

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Posted 28 September 2008 - 12:28 PM

Asalaamu Alaykum,

I wear abaya, long hijabs (usually either the big 'triangle' type or more often, the wide long shaylas that come down low on my back and cover low on my chest in the front), niqab and gloves but the other day, someone made me feel like I wasn't covering enough!

I know a woman and her two daughters and mashaAllah they are very nice people and very religious. They all wear overhead abaya, a khimar over that, niqaab (that covers their eyes), and gloves mashaAllah. Both daughters are younger than me (I am 18, one of them is 13 and the other is 17). The other day I was wearing a big triangle hijab, a niqab, and abaya in dark blue and the sister made a comment (she was giving me naseeha) that I should wear khimar, that it is more covering and more modest...etc (and I also do think that she did not approve of me wearing color as they exclusiively wear black). Now, personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with wearing colors so long as they are not tabarruj or too bright or attractive, at least over here, because the mothers of the believers did wear colors. However, I wondered if there was a point about the khimar? I always have found them very hard to function in and I figured shaylas, for example, cover almost the same and I can do things and am not hindered in movement by them. Personally, if it was totally up to me, I might dress the same way they do, but my dh requests me to wear colors not just black (personally, I love black and before I got married I wore it almost all the time) and he does not like me to wear khimars (he calls them 'penguin hijabs'). I tried to explain this to the sisters but I realized they were thinking badly of my dh because of it and it upset me.

So, I just feel a little down and I guess I was wondering what sisters who wear niqab think?

#2 Peace4all

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Posted 28 September 2008 - 01:09 PM

As Salamu Alaikum

Donít feel bad sister. Alhamdulillah you are dressing according to the Shariah. ;wub:

I donít know why black is emphasised so much. One sister actually believed that it was Fardh to wear black.  Audho Billahe!

May Allah Subhanahu wa Ta'ala make it easy for us to dress according to what pleases HIM Ameen!

Wa Alaikum Salam


#3 mariemuad

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Posted 28 September 2008 - 02:20 PM

Assalamu alaikum,

If what you wear is pleasing to your Lord, your husband and yourself, then this is all that matters. Are the conditions of hijab fulfilled? As they probably are, then where is the problem. Next time you have such a comment, ask them which condition of the hijab is not fulfilled.

You do not wear what you wear to please people, you do it to please your Lord, then please your husband. Do not worry about such comments. And, if they think bad about your husband then the problem is with them. If scholars accept to differ and do not think bad of other scholars who have different opinions, then why should we not imitate them and accept that there are different preferences or opinions?

Umm Hanifa

#4 Guest_musaafirah_*

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Posted 28 September 2008 - 02:59 PM

Asalaamu Alaykum,

Jazakhiallahu khayr. I did tell myself that, if I feel like I am not doing something wrong in front of Allah, then I have no reason to feel ashamed. But i guess I was thinking maybe I was wrong and there was something wrong with it that I was not aware of?

#5 marshmallow

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Posted 28 September 2008 - 05:28 PM

Assalamualaykum,

when i get these sort of comments, advice etc, i usually just say jazakillah khair, inshallah, and ignore it. Some people just love to tell people what to do, and obviously without insight.

salams sarah

#6 Ola

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Posted 28 September 2008 - 06:46 PM

Assalaamu alaikum,

MashaAllah, from what you described you wear, you very well covered to me. Just like the sisters said, as long as you're not doing anything that displeases Allah then who cares what people say.

Sorry, I don't have much to say because I usually get comments the other way around, that I don't need to be so covered.

#7 *mariam*

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Posted 28 September 2008 - 07:03 PM

Asalamu Alikum warahmatu Allahi wabarakatu

Just like the sisters said, the most important thing is that your dress is pleasing to your Creator.

Sometimes I feel it is sad when people say things like this to people who are covering properly, yet there may not be much focus on giving naseehah to many who do not cover properly at all.

This is a little different, but I recall one time in an islamic center in the west where many of the women came to the mosque wore clothes which was completely unacceptable to go out or pray in (tight jeans, short shirts that would show their backs when they made sujood, a lot of hair showing). the problem was that the center's administration did not speak out against it.
Then one time after Jumu'ah, one of the people responsible made an announcement that parents should be careful that the little boys wear long shorts when they come in the summer months (to be honest I hadn't seen any little boy with noticable short shorts). This made me lose it...as the tabarruj was so obvious, yet they could not speak out against it. In fact, they denied it! la hawla wa la quwatta illa billah

It is important to have priorities in terms of da'wah. waAllahu a'lam

Either way sister, try to overlook it and not hold it in your heart and continue to treat her kindly, for only Allah knows her intention and she may have only meant well.

Also, If you feel that it will be beneficial to discuss the matter with her to remove anything which may be in both of your hearts, then do so. But I do not think the comment is worth making gaps in the sisterhood.

May Allah guide us to what is right.

#8 Lovin_Niqaab

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 01:38 AM

Assalamualakum,

Sometimes people will be doing something and will be convinced that what they are doing is right and think that any other way is bad/wrong. It's great that they wear overhead abaya's and khimars (I'm guessing this is the round long amira hijab?) but it's not the only way to be covered properly or the only way to wear niqaab. I too wear shayla's and different colors like navy blue and brown. There's nothing wrong with either way as long as the requirements of hijab are met:

1. Not be see thru
2. Not be in flashy and "pretty" colors or with embellishments.
3. Not be tight and hugging your curves.
4. Not resemble men's clothing.
5. And some might say that covering the face is a requirement but I don't believe it is, Wallahu Allam.

If you are sure that your hijab is not any of the above things, then accept the naseeha graciously from a friend wanting the best for her sister and don't feel bad about it.



#9 MissPink

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 03:06 AM

Assalamu alaikom

Masha'Allah the sisters summed it up pretty well but sorry you had to listen to that.  No one needs that... especially when you're not even doing anything that needed 'advising' on!

#10 Taymiyyah

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Posted 29 September 2008 - 03:36 AM

Asalamu Alaykum, she obviously wanted good for you and didn't just say it to offend you or to seem holier than thou. Ask her the DALEEL from the Quran and sunnah why you shouldn't wear colours and why  she thinks your shayla doesn't cover enough. I know some sisters who are fine with big shayla's that cover all the way down but it doesn't suit all sisters, maybe she could "see" some curves ? lol I am like that, I personally would advice a good sister whom I know is god fearing and wants the best to "cover up a lil more" if there's room for improvement. If you know you could hide some curves that still show then  yeah why not? Dont feel BAD ,,ASK...



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Posted 29 September 2008 - 03:45 PM

Asalaamu Alaykum,

BarakAllahu Feekuma sisters for your kind words. I won't let this color my judgement of her at all because she is a very sweet lady mashaAllah and I adore her and her daughters. And I can understand where she is coming from, I am very small (short and thin) but pretty big in the chest and hip area so I used to have a problem with the abayas I wore being very tight, especially around the chest. Because of that, I wore those khimars, however since they were so hard for me to function in, I switched to buying very large, loose abayas and long shaylas which hid my shape alhamdulilah. I am sure her intention is good, I guess I just wanted to make sure she didn't have a point. I also felt weak myself because I had seen them doing something I wanted to advise them on (it was a bid'ah) but because of the setting and limited time, I didn't feel it was the right time to do it, especially since I did not feel I could do it in a subtle, inoffensive way so when she said that to me, I kind of felt like if she felt comfortable advising me she probably would not have minded me telling her that, and I had not fulfilled her right of myself enjoining good and forbidding evil on her.

But Alhamdulilah. Thank you again sisters.

#12 lowri_mai

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Posted 05 October 2008 - 06:49 PM

Asalaamu Alaykum

there is a view that a worn from the head full-length, or half-length covering has to be worn; on top of the khimar (meaning the small headscarf as opposed to what the term tends ot be used for now); and this was the view of Shaykh Al-Albaani. I hope this link is ok InshaAllaah

http://ummkhadidja.wordpress.com/2008/01/1...-substitute-it/

however it is not specified that it has to be what is known in the west as a 'khimar' ie the cape type garment; from my understanding it has to be a long thick-enough cloth or garment of some type that is worn over the headscarf; for me this is usually a long cape khimar or overhead as I feel it is most covering for me personally; but I do know other very knowledgeable sisters (including those who teach the deen mashaAllaah) who wear waist length cape khimars; very large shaylahs or very large triangle scarves.  To wear a cape khimar over the overhead as you stated the women are doing;  is not necessary and does not even fulfil the requirements as in the above article; if they are not wearing a khimar scarf under this.   In a community I lived in previously; sisters new to practicing according to the sunnah and wearing niqab generally; were going to real excesses with their covering reminding me in a way of the story of the orthodox jewish women in burqas; they'd wear a small Indian type triangle lace-edged scarf first; then a thin shaylah; then a large pashmina type scarf; then the overhead and often with a multi-layered niqab with most of the layers back; there was absolutely no basis for this and I feel maybe it was wis-was leading them to this, maybe feeling covering according to what the scholars say still isn't enough; and many of them found it so cumbersome they eschewed the niqab or even wearing hijab properly; all together. Also there is no restriction to only black; Allaahu Alim a lot of cultures have their restrictions to only black and confuse it with Islam but it isn't from the deen; Allaahu Alim.

Sophie

Edited by lowri_mai, 05 October 2008 - 06:56 PM.


#13 fragrant

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Posted 08 October 2008 - 08:31 AM

Salam,

QUOTE
Ola   Posted Sep 29 2008, 04:46 AM
   Assalaamu alaikum,

MashaAllah, from what you described you wear, you very well covered to me. Just like the sisters said, as long as you're not doing anything that displeases Allah then who cares what people say.

Sorry, I don't have much to say because I usually get comments the other way around, that I don't need to be so covered.


Same here.

QUOTE
marshmallow Posted Sep 29 2008, 03:28 AM
   Assalamualaykum,

when i get these sort of comments, advice etc, i usually just say jazakillah khair, inshallah, and ignore it. Some people just love to tell people what to do, and obviously without insight.


Couldnt agree more.

Edited by fragrant, 08 October 2008 - 08:32 AM.





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