Asalaamu Alaikum sisters,
I know this is a common area of question, so I thought I would start a topic on it.
Brides-to-be: What do you want as your mahr?
Already-married Sisters: What did you ask as your mahr?
0
Mahr
Started by
Guest_musaafirah_*
, Jul 08 2008 07:13 PM
24 replies to this topic
#2
Posted 08 July 2008 - 07:24 PM
Wa 'alaikumus-salaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,
My mahr was decided by my parents, but I'm happy with it, alHamdulillah.
I recieved $2000 cash and a white gold w/ diamonds set of earrings and a ring, in hand on the day of the nikaah.
I am also promised more gold in jewelry, at a later date, insha'Allah.
The idea is that it's low enough for my husband to afford (and there's a hadith about the best mahr being the easy one, right?), but also that it's a decent amount for me financially.
(Actually, it was a LOT more than I ever expected, subhanAllah!)
-Zainab
My mahr was decided by my parents, but I'm happy with it, alHamdulillah.
I recieved $2000 cash and a white gold w/ diamonds set of earrings and a ring, in hand on the day of the nikaah.
I am also promised more gold in jewelry, at a later date, insha'Allah.
The idea is that it's low enough for my husband to afford (and there's a hadith about the best mahr being the easy one, right?), but also that it's a decent amount for me financially.
(Actually, it was a LOT more than I ever expected, subhanAllah!)
-Zainab
#4
Posted 09 July 2008 - 04:19 AM
Asalaamu'Alaykum,
My mother decided my mahr and I am glad she did. I was too young and too romantic! I wanted some books but my mother was smarter than that mashaAllah
She insisted that the mahr be:
A set of jewelry no lower than 21 kt gold.
A diamond ring.
$2400 cash.
At the time I was very upset with the mahr she asked for on my behalf, but having been married a few years I can say she made the right choice
My mother decided my mahr and I am glad she did. I was too young and too romantic! I wanted some books but my mother was smarter than that mashaAllah
She insisted that the mahr be:
A set of jewelry no lower than 21 kt gold.
A diamond ring.
$2400 cash.
At the time I was very upset with the mahr she asked for on my behalf, but having been married a few years I can say she made the right choice
#5
Posted 09 July 2008 - 04:53 AM
Assalamu Allaikum
My mahr was that my husband would teach me quran and Islamic Studies. My father asked on my behalf and I was really pleased of it but subhanallah its been 3.5 years since I got married and we havent been able to do it yet.
Masalama
My mahr was that my husband would teach me quran and Islamic Studies. My father asked on my behalf and I was really pleased of it but subhanallah its been 3.5 years since I got married and we havent been able to do it yet.
Masalama
#6
Posted 09 July 2008 - 05:13 AM
Salam alaikum,
$2000 - which I got before the marriage but didn't ask for it. He thought I needed it so I added it since he gave it to me because I spent so much money bringing my daughters here. Otherwise I don't know if I would have asked for it.
$2500 in 22k gold (actualy he let me pick whatever I wanted but I stopped at that amount of money because I think thats enough or more than enough. Alhumdulillah) He liked to buy a diamond ring but I told him not to waste his money as I don't like diamonds. I think they are boring.
Some x-tra new furniture for my living room
A trip this year to either Italy, Spain or another location which may end up being somewhere else because of the Euro to dollar exchange which is not good. We've considered a totaly private bungalo on a beach in Mexico near Mayan ruins also.
That my husband attend Islamic halaqa once a week (within reason considering things that may come up) at the Musjid (that I approve of the lessons since I've been Muslim longer than he has.)
Seriously that was the most important part of my mahr. Needless to say I got some strange looks by the Imam about that one!
$2000 - which I got before the marriage but didn't ask for it. He thought I needed it so I added it since he gave it to me because I spent so much money bringing my daughters here. Otherwise I don't know if I would have asked for it.
$2500 in 22k gold (actualy he let me pick whatever I wanted but I stopped at that amount of money because I think thats enough or more than enough. Alhumdulillah) He liked to buy a diamond ring but I told him not to waste his money as I don't like diamonds. I think they are boring.
Some x-tra new furniture for my living room
A trip this year to either Italy, Spain or another location which may end up being somewhere else because of the Euro to dollar exchange which is not good. We've considered a totaly private bungalo on a beach in Mexico near Mayan ruins also.
That my husband attend Islamic halaqa once a week (within reason considering things that may come up) at the Musjid (that I approve of the lessons since I've been Muslim longer than he has.)
Seriously that was the most important part of my mahr. Needless to say I got some strange looks by the Imam about that one!
Edited by Badreya, 09 July 2008 - 05:20 AM.
#7
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Posted 09 July 2008 - 10:25 AM
Assalamou aleikoum wa rahmatoullah wa barakatou
I was reading a fatwa , and the ruling was that the husband does not have to pay for his wife's Hajj.
If she has money, she can pay for herself and Hajj is obligatory upon her (if she has him or another marham with her ) but of course, if he can afford her hajj too and he wants to offer it to his wife, there is no rulings against this.
If she has no money, and he does not want to pay, he is not obliged and Hajj is not obligatory upon her.
The Shaykh, however, said that it is considered good companionship if the husband pays for his wife's Hajj.
Therefore, an advice from me, make Hajj either :
1) a condition to your wedding contract (that he takes you and pay for your Hajj)
or)
2) make it part of the Mahr.
as for sisters who do not want to ask for anything, I know it is embarrassing because it is monetary , but you should at least ask for what is customary within his family or your family, because it is your right, given by Allah the Al Mighty and Allah loves that the muslim take advantage of His bounty (the same as not fasting for the traveller...)
I was reading a fatwa , and the ruling was that the husband does not have to pay for his wife's Hajj.
If she has money, she can pay for herself and Hajj is obligatory upon her (if she has him or another marham with her ) but of course, if he can afford her hajj too and he wants to offer it to his wife, there is no rulings against this.
If she has no money, and he does not want to pay, he is not obliged and Hajj is not obligatory upon her.
The Shaykh, however, said that it is considered good companionship if the husband pays for his wife's Hajj.
Therefore, an advice from me, make Hajj either :
1) a condition to your wedding contract (that he takes you and pay for your Hajj)
or)
2) make it part of the Mahr.
as for sisters who do not want to ask for anything, I know it is embarrassing because it is monetary , but you should at least ask for what is customary within his family or your family, because it is your right, given by Allah the Al Mighty and Allah loves that the muslim take advantage of His bounty (the same as not fasting for the traveller...)
#8 Guest_musaafirah_*
Posted 09 July 2008 - 02:12 PM
Asalaamu Alaikum,
I was actually going to make hajj my mahr but we made an agreement between ourselves he would take me (and pay for it) and we did feel it was fairly likely since the plan is to relocate to Saudi inshaAllah and his parents live there so we will visit often inshaAllah.
In the end, my mahr was that he memorize Surah Al Imran.
I was actually going to make hajj my mahr but we made an agreement between ourselves he would take me (and pay for it) and we did feel it was fairly likely since the plan is to relocate to Saudi inshaAllah and his parents live there so we will visit often inshaAllah.
In the end, my mahr was that he memorize Surah Al Imran.
#9
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Posted 09 July 2008 - 03:30 PM
Assalam alaikum,
I symbolicly said only a ring (but not to wear it outside or anything)... but my wali insisted to get at least the whole set of jewelry, alhamdulillah .
I symbolicly said only a ring (but not to wear it outside or anything)... but my wali insisted to get at least the whole set of jewelry, alhamdulillah .
#10
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Posted 09 July 2008 - 08:09 PM
Assalamualaikum
I was given £100. But i gifted it back to my dh.
thats allowed right? What if your mahr is decided that you husband will teach you Quran etc, and he doesnt fulfill it? Is it a sin upon him?
#11 Guest_musaafirah_*
Posted 09 July 2008 - 08:11 PM
Asalaamu Alaikum,
Yes, it would be sinful, Umm_Z, it would be the same as if your mahr was money and he didn't pay it. Thats one of the woman's rights.
As for your gifting it back, Allahu Alam, but I think it should be ok because it becomes your money to spend however you want (even if however you want happens to be to give it back to him as a gift )
Yes, it would be sinful, Umm_Z, it would be the same as if your mahr was money and he didn't pay it. Thats one of the woman's rights.
As for your gifting it back, Allahu Alam, but I think it should be ok because it becomes your money to spend however you want (even if however you want happens to be to give it back to him as a gift
)
#12
Posted 09 July 2008 - 08:21 PM
As-salamu Alaykum,
Before saying it is sinful, it might be that the wife has forgiven the "debt." Also, we don't know why the husband did not fulfill his promise and whether he still has the intention to do so. So, there might be more involved there than meets the eye.
QUOTE
Yes, it would be sinful, Umm_Z, it would be the same as if your mahr was money and he didn't pay it. Thats one of the woman's rights.
Before saying it is sinful, it might be that the wife has forgiven the "debt." Also, we don't know why the husband did not fulfill his promise and whether he still has the intention to do so. So, there might be more involved there than meets the eye.
#13 Guest_musaafirah_*
Posted 09 July 2008 - 09:02 PM
Asalaamu Alaikum,
We aren't talking about a specific situation so I don't really understand your point? She is giving the example of a person who had their mahr being that her husband would teach her the quran and he didn't do that. I am saying it is the same as if a man did not pay his mahr. I answered according to the info given, there was no 'she said she didn't want it anymore' or she no longer feels it is necessary, nor was there a situation because it was hypothetical, and not a personal situation given.
We aren't talking about a specific situation so I don't really understand your point? She is giving the example of a person who had their mahr being that her husband would teach her the quran and he didn't do that. I am saying it is the same as if a man did not pay his mahr. I answered according to the info given, there was no 'she said she didn't want it anymore' or she no longer feels it is necessary, nor was there a situation because it was hypothetical, and not a personal situation given.
#14
Posted 09 July 2008 - 09:17 PM
As-salamu Alaykum,
My point is that there is almost always usually a situation behind a question, so there are times when this might be sinful and times when it might not be sinful. I think it is appropriate here to widen the discussion so that different scenarios are considered. Some women might not realize, for example, that there is the option to forgive the debt (assuming that is an option since I don't know for sure myself).
My point is that there is almost always usually a situation behind a question, so there are times when this might be sinful and times when it might not be sinful. I think it is appropriate here to widen the discussion so that different scenarios are considered. Some women might not realize, for example, that there is the option to forgive the debt (assuming that is an option since I don't know for sure myself).
#15
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Posted 09 July 2008 - 10:19 PM
asalamu alaykum
i want as a mahr for my husband to take my grandmother to hajj inshallah(does the mahr have to be for myself?) my grandmother hasnt had a chance..shes in somalia and blind and has no sons so inshallah i want my husband to take my grandma
and that inshallah he move me out of this country( i want to live in a muslim country...to be able to hear the adhan from my bedroom window subhanallah)
asalamu alaykum
safiyyah
i want as a mahr for my husband to take my grandmother to hajj inshallah(does the mahr have to be for myself?) my grandmother hasnt had a chance..shes in somalia and blind and has no sons so inshallah i want my husband to take my grandma
and that inshallah he move me out of this country( i want to live in a muslim country...to be able to hear the adhan from my bedroom window subhanallah)
asalamu alaykum
safiyyah
#16
Posted 10 July 2008 - 03:09 AM
Salam alaikum,
I beleive you can not gage the mahr like this.
If you want to gage your mahr, you have to consider your lifestyle, his lifestyle, economic conditions and these types of things.
Also the Mahr should be beneficial to the woman in some monitary way which is the reasoning behind it unless she is rich.
It also depends on if the girl age and whether she is a woman or not.
So if you need to specificaly get an answer or suggestion you need to give the following info I stated above, otherwise you may not get a fair answer, to you or the groom.
I beleive you can not gage the mahr like this.
If you want to gage your mahr, you have to consider your lifestyle, his lifestyle, economic conditions and these types of things.
Also the Mahr should be beneficial to the woman in some monitary way which is the reasoning behind it unless she is rich.
It also depends on if the girl age and whether she is a woman or not.
So if you need to specificaly get an answer or suggestion you need to give the following info I stated above, otherwise you may not get a fair answer, to you or the groom.
#17 Guest_musaafirah_*
Posted 10 July 2008 - 04:11 AM
Asalaamu Alaikum,
I don't think the mahr needs or necessarily should be financial. It really depends on the person. Of course, by the same token, a lot of times, a financial mahr is the best choice for that couple and that situation and a wise one. However, I don't think we can say it 'should' be beneficial in a monetary way. I mean, is not the benefit of the akhirah better? I believe my benefit is much more from the mahr I chose than if I had asked him for a more monetary mahr. And we definitely can't say it was established solely for monetary reason. Did not Rasulullah saws say of Umm Sulaym's mahr, her husband-to-be's conversion to Islam, that it was the best mahr? And there are stories of other sahabiyat, tabi'een, and female alims as well as daughters and wives of the ulema asking for things like the memorization of qur'an, Islamic learning, and so on as their mahr. Some of the very righteous, noble, pious men who were scholars or students had wives asking for the smallest or simplest of mahrs, such as a few dates or the like, subhanaAllah.
I don't think the mahr needs or necessarily should be financial. It really depends on the person. Of course, by the same token, a lot of times, a financial mahr is the best choice for that couple and that situation and a wise one. However, I don't think we can say it 'should' be beneficial in a monetary way. I mean, is not the benefit of the akhirah better? I believe my benefit is much more from the mahr I chose than if I had asked him for a more monetary mahr. And we definitely can't say it was established solely for monetary reason. Did not Rasulullah saws say of Umm Sulaym's mahr, her husband-to-be's conversion to Islam, that it was the best mahr? And there are stories of other sahabiyat, tabi'een, and female alims as well as daughters and wives of the ulema asking for things like the memorization of qur'an, Islamic learning, and so on as their mahr. Some of the very righteous, noble, pious men who were scholars or students had wives asking for the smallest or simplest of mahrs, such as a few dates or the like, subhanaAllah.
#18
Posted 10 July 2008 - 08:38 AM
QUOTE(Badreya @ Jul 10 2008, 01:09 PM) 
Salam alaikum,
I beleive you can not gage the mahr like this.
If you want to gage your mahr, you have to consider your lifestyle, his lifestyle, economic conditions and these types of things.
Also the Mahr should be beneficial to the woman in some monitary way which is the reasoning behind it unless she is rich.
It also depends on if the girl age and whether she is a woman or not.
So if you need to specificaly get an answer or suggestion you need to give the following info I stated above, otherwise you may not get a fair answer, to you or the groom.
Asalaamu'Alaykum,
I agree.
Unless the husband is something super special, I don't see much benefit in asking for something non-tangible.
#19
Posted 10 July 2008 - 08:14 PM
As-salaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,
I think that it depends on the couple, and their circumstances... also, I do think that one of the main wisdoms behind the mahr is that of finances (in case anything happens, Allah forbid, the wife has something to fall back on), so I would strongly encourage any girl/ woman to ask for something monetary (but not outrageous).
As for things like memorizing the Qur'an, taking you for Hajj, etc. I think that's great, masha'Allah, but I personally think it's something that should be in the marriage contract instead (or even just an agreement between the two parties). Why? Because as romantic as it sounds (and as wonderful as it is Islamically), in cold, hard reality it won't help you out when you need it. I have heard WAY too many stories of sisters who ended up on hard times and didn't have the benefit of a monetary mahr to back them up when they needed it... and their husbands' memorization of Qur'an couldn't help pay the bills or settle expensive disputes.
I guess we can't say that it's "bad" to ask for something non-monetary, BUT I would personally discourage it... because there is also a Hadith where the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) told a young man to give his wife even just an iron ring for her mahr if he couldn't afford anything else. Something solid, and of financial value (however little it may have been).
And Allah knows best
-Zainab
I think that it depends on the couple, and their circumstances... also, I do think that one of the main wisdoms behind the mahr is that of finances (in case anything happens, Allah forbid, the wife has something to fall back on), so I would strongly encourage any girl/ woman to ask for something monetary (but not outrageous).
As for things like memorizing the Qur'an, taking you for Hajj, etc. I think that's great, masha'Allah, but I personally think it's something that should be in the marriage contract instead (or even just an agreement between the two parties). Why? Because as romantic as it sounds (and as wonderful as it is Islamically), in cold, hard reality it won't help you out when you need it. I have heard WAY too many stories of sisters who ended up on hard times and didn't have the benefit of a monetary mahr to back them up when they needed it... and their husbands' memorization of Qur'an couldn't help pay the bills or settle expensive disputes.
I guess we can't say that it's "bad" to ask for something non-monetary, BUT I would personally discourage it... because there is also a Hadith where the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alaihi wa sallam) told a young man to give his wife even just an iron ring for her mahr if he couldn't afford anything else. Something solid, and of financial value (however little it may have been).
And Allah knows best
-Zainab
#20
Posted 10 July 2008 - 10:09 PM
Wa 'alaikumus-salaam,
Islamically, you're definitely allowed to spend it during your marriage... but culturally, I've always been told to keep it as something for "emergency purposes" or if I really, really, really want something and he won't get it for me, or something.
It's often why women (Arabs and Indians, at least) will get a lot of their mahr in solid gold... jewelry that they can both use, and keep for the future.
-Zainab
Islamically, you're definitely allowed to spend it during your marriage... but culturally, I've always been told to keep it as something for "emergency purposes" or if I really, really, really want something and he won't get it for me, or something.
It's often why women (Arabs and Indians, at least) will get a lot of their mahr in solid gold... jewelry that they can both use, and keep for the future.
-Zainab
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