[font=Tahoma:4a48bc115f]Hello everyone. I am new here, and I have an extremely personal question. I recently converted to Islam, and am single with no children. I did date in the past, and had 2 long term boyfriends. I broke up with the last boyfriend in 1998. I spoke to his wife about 2 years ago, to express my concern for their baby who was born prematurely. During the course of conversation she asked if he had ever told me he contracted an STD while in college. I told her no, but I was not worried since I had no problems \"down there\" and haven't seen anything different. When I went to my annual OB/GYN appointment this year, I told my doctor everything and she suggested a test. I got a test for everything, and all was clear, except it showed I had been exposed to the herpes virus. I have never had any symptoms (it's called asymtomatic), of course I was devasted, but I have come to terms with it. I said my shahada less than 2 weeks ago, and am not sure any man would want me with this problem. [/font:4a48bc115f]
[font=Tahoma:4a48bc115f]Is there any help/information anyone can give me? I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life, but if that is what God has in store for me, I suppose I can deal with it. Thanks for any information you can provide.[/font:4a48bc115f]
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Personal Question
Started by
Guest_Baseema_*
, Jan 02 2005 06:17 PM
13 replies to this topic
#2
Posted 02 January 2005 - 06:22 PM
Assalamu alaykum,
Welcome to the forum!
i don't know much about STD's so I can't help but i'm sure you'll find many helpful and willing sisters who probably can.
Just wanted to welcome you to our humble abode
Najah
Welcome to the forum!
i don't know much about STD's so I can't help but i'm sure you'll find many helpful and willing sisters who probably can.
Just wanted to welcome you to our humble abode
Najah
#3
fragrant
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Posted 02 January 2005 - 06:52 PM
Salam Alaikum Sister Baseema;
Just a quickie;
Try to get the purest blackseed oil or blackseed powder. U can get it at arab or indian/ pakistani grocery. Ive watch a presentation and discussion made by an american doctor who convert to Islam and had to run to UAE bekoz his promotion of blackseed (which is so cheap and easy to obtain as compared to modern medicines and so EFFECTIVE) has threatened the other americans finance (bekoz people dont buy their medicine). He claimed it has also helped STD and even Aids sufferres, allahua'lam. You can give it a try in sha Allah.
Just a quickie;
Try to get the purest blackseed oil or blackseed powder. U can get it at arab or indian/ pakistani grocery. Ive watch a presentation and discussion made by an american doctor who convert to Islam and had to run to UAE bekoz his promotion of blackseed (which is so cheap and easy to obtain as compared to modern medicines and so EFFECTIVE) has threatened the other americans finance (bekoz people dont buy their medicine). He claimed it has also helped STD and even Aids sufferres, allahua'lam. You can give it a try in sha Allah.
#5
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Posted 02 January 2005 - 07:42 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum,
I am sorry to read that you have herpes.
The only thing that I can suggest is doing a matrimonial ad making it clear that you have this STD. Maybe other Muslim males who may also have it may approach you online. I would hate for you to expose this at a mosque and then suddenly eveyone knows about it.
Contracting this can be easy. Even a condom cant protect someone from getting the herpes virus and the virus is small enough to get through the pores of a condom. This is a disease that deals with the skin... not neccesarly body fluids. If someone rubs their herpes infected skin on someone elses, that person can get it.
But the only time (i believe) someone can get it is when someone is about to have an outreak or when someone is going through an outbreak. That is what makes it so hard, because no one knows when they are about to have an outbreak.
There is no cure (that has been found yet) for herpes. There is medical treatment, but there is no cure.
Like I said, you should try matrimonial ads expressing that you have this. There is bound to be someone else out there who has it also an is looking for a wife. See how that works.
salaam
I am sorry to read that you have herpes.
The only thing that I can suggest is doing a matrimonial ad making it clear that you have this STD. Maybe other Muslim males who may also have it may approach you online. I would hate for you to expose this at a mosque and then suddenly eveyone knows about it.
Contracting this can be easy. Even a condom cant protect someone from getting the herpes virus and the virus is small enough to get through the pores of a condom. This is a disease that deals with the skin... not neccesarly body fluids. If someone rubs their herpes infected skin on someone elses, that person can get it.
But the only time (i believe) someone can get it is when someone is about to have an outreak or when someone is going through an outbreak. That is what makes it so hard, because no one knows when they are about to have an outbreak.
There is no cure (that has been found yet) for herpes. There is medical treatment, but there is no cure.
Like I said, you should try matrimonial ads expressing that you have this. There is bound to be someone else out there who has it also an is looking for a wife. See how that works.
salaam
#6
Posted 02 January 2005 - 08:04 PM
Salam Aleikum...
The other thing...I have studied this is microbiology...the other thing is there is Simplex 1 and Simplex 2 Herpes... you may not have ever had an outbreak as you contracted the HSV 1 (the oral strain like a cold sore on someones lip) AND it is HSV 2 when found in the genital areas...but you may not have the strain where you get the outbreaks like others.. if someone is prone to cold sores in the winter or get stressed and get cold sores on their lips THEY TOO have been exposed to the Herpes Virus...and if you kiss someone you can give it when there is a sore on the lip and if you do "other oral intimate acts" then you can pass from your lips to the genital areas...so it gets complicated like that...I WOULD in you case BE VERY careful...you could be lucky (in a sense) and have the oral strain...and never inshallah have an outbreak...and then BY GOING AND GETTING a mate with the same thing (so you think) THEY MAY HAVE IT HORRIBLY and you will get exposed to THAT STRONGER STRAIN of the virus and you don't want that! SOme people really have horrible lives with this...so I would be careful what mate you choose...maybe meet a regular guy...tell him all this before marriage... and if he is to be your husband let him know the story and how you have never had an outbreak and stuff and he MAY be fine about it...just BE HONEST! THat is all...You might be fine and Inshllah NEVER have an outbreak...by the way how long has it been since you were last with this guy?
Take Care,
Kasey
The other thing...I have studied this is microbiology...the other thing is there is Simplex 1 and Simplex 2 Herpes... you may not have ever had an outbreak as you contracted the HSV 1 (the oral strain like a cold sore on someones lip) AND it is HSV 2 when found in the genital areas...but you may not have the strain where you get the outbreaks like others.. if someone is prone to cold sores in the winter or get stressed and get cold sores on their lips THEY TOO have been exposed to the Herpes Virus...and if you kiss someone you can give it when there is a sore on the lip and if you do "other oral intimate acts" then you can pass from your lips to the genital areas...so it gets complicated like that...I WOULD in you case BE VERY careful...you could be lucky (in a sense) and have the oral strain...and never inshallah have an outbreak...and then BY GOING AND GETTING a mate with the same thing (so you think) THEY MAY HAVE IT HORRIBLY and you will get exposed to THAT STRONGER STRAIN of the virus and you don't want that! SOme people really have horrible lives with this...so I would be careful what mate you choose...maybe meet a regular guy...tell him all this before marriage... and if he is to be your husband let him know the story and how you have never had an outbreak and stuff and he MAY be fine about it...just BE HONEST! THat is all...You might be fine and Inshllah NEVER have an outbreak...by the way how long has it been since you were last with this guy?
Take Care,
Kasey
#7 Guest_Baseema_*
Posted 02 January 2005 - 09:10 PM
[b][font=Tahoma:bd3216d58f]Well, thank you everyone for your replies.
I have done extensive research on this, as I wanted to educate myself completely. The last time I was with him was in 1998. It is type II, and the virus is one that is a DNA virus. It attaches itself at the base of one's spine, and when it \"sheds\" it goes to the surface, which may cause an outbreak. Not everyone has outbreaks, which makes it more difficult in some ways. I have not ever had an outbreak, so who knows how often it has shed without my knowing. If the site of my initial contact with it was say........my thigh, just touching my thigh could pass it (if I were married). I have also read about Valtrex, which lowers the rate of transmission, and even took it for awhile, but figured since I'm not having sex, what difference does it make? The real reason for my question is that is this a MAJOR issue in Islam (having an std)? Would some people think ill of me for this?
I would never NOT tell someone about this, I just would hate to be rejected because of my past.
Also, what did you mean DemaChanRas about my exposing this at the Mosque and everyone knows about it? What is that about? You have to discuss your personal history in front of people?
As I said, I'm VERY new to all this, so please bear with me.[/font:bd3216d58f]
I have done extensive research on this, as I wanted to educate myself completely. The last time I was with him was in 1998. It is type II, and the virus is one that is a DNA virus. It attaches itself at the base of one's spine, and when it \"sheds\" it goes to the surface, which may cause an outbreak. Not everyone has outbreaks, which makes it more difficult in some ways. I have not ever had an outbreak, so who knows how often it has shed without my knowing. If the site of my initial contact with it was say........my thigh, just touching my thigh could pass it (if I were married). I have also read about Valtrex, which lowers the rate of transmission, and even took it for awhile, but figured since I'm not having sex, what difference does it make? The real reason for my question is that is this a MAJOR issue in Islam (having an std)? Would some people think ill of me for this?
I would never NOT tell someone about this, I just would hate to be rejected because of my past.
Also, what did you mean DemaChanRas about my exposing this at the Mosque and everyone knows about it? What is that about? You have to discuss your personal history in front of people?
As I said, I'm VERY new to all this, so please bear with me.[/font:bd3216d58f]
#8 Guest_Amani S._*
Posted 02 January 2005 - 09:26 PM
Assalamu alaikum...
This is not something that must be told to anyone except the person you plan to marry...There are many men you will find that once given the information about Herpes would be willing to marry you...just remember safety tips so that InshaALLAH your hubby would not be infected (condoms during breakouts)...
At first you may find it hard to find a man willing to accept you having herpes...but there are some out there...
As far as having children...yes it can be passed during childbirth if you are having a breakout...but there are options such as c-section to prevent that...
This is not something that must be told to anyone except the person you plan to marry...There are many men you will find that once given the information about Herpes would be willing to marry you...just remember safety tips so that InshaALLAH your hubby would not be infected (condoms during breakouts)...
At first you may find it hard to find a man willing to accept you having herpes...but there are some out there...
As far as having children...yes it can be passed during childbirth if you are having a breakout...but there are options such as c-section to prevent that...
#10
Posted 02 January 2005 - 09:36 PM
assalamou alaikoum
"Also, what did you mean DemaChanRas about my exposing this at the Mosque and everyone knows about it? What is that about? You have to discuss your personal history in front of people?"
No, of course you don't have to discuss your personal history in front of people. I think what she meant was that you might not want to look for your husband by announcing it to the people in the mosque and telling them of this virus. May Allah forgive me if I am saying something wrong.
You never have to tell people anything that makes you uncomfortable. You will be asked many times about how you came to Islam - this I know from experience.
I will make dua for you, insha Allah.
Did you get my PM?
Karen
"Also, what did you mean DemaChanRas about my exposing this at the Mosque and everyone knows about it? What is that about? You have to discuss your personal history in front of people?"
No, of course you don't have to discuss your personal history in front of people. I think what she meant was that you might not want to look for your husband by announcing it to the people in the mosque and telling them of this virus. May Allah forgive me if I am saying something wrong.
You never have to tell people anything that makes you uncomfortable. You will be asked many times about how you came to Islam - this I know from experience.
I will make dua for you, insha Allah.
Did you get my PM?
Karen
#11
DemaChanRas
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Posted 02 January 2005 - 10:12 PM
As Salaamu Alaikum,
[quote=Baseema][b][font=Tahoma:c02bd68f4b]
Also, what did you mean DemaChanRas about my exposing this at the Mosque and everyone knows about it? What is that about? You have to discuss your personal history in front of people?
As I said, I'm VERY new to all this, so please bear with me.[/font:c02bd68f4b]
Oh no sister. I'm not saying that you have to annouce it to everyone. What I mean is that I would hate for you to start a courtship with someone, tell them, and then they reject you and then they tell every other brother at the mosque too.
I feel that in your case doing a matrimonial ad online would probably be more private. You could easily be upfront with it and whoever approaches you will immediatly know about it, and there fore it wont come as a suprise later in the courtship. You wont have to put up a picture (so they wont know your face). This could also be a way for a brother who has this himself to find a wife. After a while you could exchange a picture. And then meet (with chaperones for both modesty and protection reasons). You should give it a try and see what happens.
[quote=Baseema][b][font=Tahoma:c02bd68f4b]
Also, what did you mean DemaChanRas about my exposing this at the Mosque and everyone knows about it? What is that about? You have to discuss your personal history in front of people?
As I said, I'm VERY new to all this, so please bear with me.[/font:c02bd68f4b]
Oh no sister. I'm not saying that you have to annouce it to everyone. What I mean is that I would hate for you to start a courtship with someone, tell them, and then they reject you and then they tell every other brother at the mosque too.
I feel that in your case doing a matrimonial ad online would probably be more private. You could easily be upfront with it and whoever approaches you will immediatly know about it, and there fore it wont come as a suprise later in the courtship. You wont have to put up a picture (so they wont know your face). This could also be a way for a brother who has this himself to find a wife. After a while you could exchange a picture. And then meet (with chaperones for both modesty and protection reasons). You should give it a try and see what happens.
#12
Posted 02 January 2005 - 10:57 PM
salam alkoium sister.. first welcome here and mubrook on ur reverison mashallah.... i remeber there was a sister and she had well a "problem" anyways not to go into detail and i dont want to back bite, but i dont think it is good to annouce it, allahualim. alot of ppl were judgin this sister and such, and itis really sad..... that they were gossiping about her and such... she was really a great sister.... really into her deen mashallah...i would keep it to myself and when u find a brother, i would disclose it, then. i would tell him in the beginning.. maybe there is a site for other muslims looking for marriage that have stds... take care sister love lena
#13 Guest_Baseema_*
Posted 02 January 2005 - 11:43 PM
[b][font=Tahoma:0f5ad6a3a9]Well, I would not just tell someone who was JUST interested in marriage. I would wait until they were interested in ME, and if they truly like ME, they will accept all of me. If they choose not to accept me as is, I would hope they have the discression (sp) not to blab about it.
Omibrahim.....I did get your PM, and I replied. I had a really nice one typed out, then my connection failed and I lost it all, so I gave you a shorter version.
I already know what medications lower transmission and what NOT to do, but there is always a chance. Funny thing is, had my ex's wife never mentioned it to me, I would to this day never know (had I opted not to get the blood test). Ignorance can sometimes be bliss, you know?[/font:0f5ad6a3a9]
Omibrahim.....I did get your PM, and I replied. I had a really nice one typed out, then my connection failed and I lost it all, so I gave you a shorter version.
I already know what medications lower transmission and what NOT to do, but there is always a chance. Funny thing is, had my ex's wife never mentioned it to me, I would to this day never know (had I opted not to get the blood test). Ignorance can sometimes be bliss, you know?[/font:0f5ad6a3a9]
#14
Posted 24 April 2005 - 11:07 AM
asalamu alaikum,
After reading this i was wondering why herpes is called a STD virus? What about the kind of herpes that almost every one gets on their lips or nose? This is sth one may get without having ever had any kind of sexual relations with a man. What if a sister tells a candidate that she has herpes on her lips sometimes. Will he assume that she had a haram relationship before, althought she never had? :shock:
Is this a different virus of herpes? Pls explain. Thanx
Wa salam
After reading this i was wondering why herpes is called a STD virus? What about the kind of herpes that almost every one gets on their lips or nose? This is sth one may get without having ever had any kind of sexual relations with a man. What if a sister tells a candidate that she has herpes on her lips sometimes. Will he assume that she had a haram relationship before, althought she never had? :shock:
Is this a different virus of herpes? Pls explain. Thanx
Wa salam
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