Posted 16 January 2005 - 10:03 PM
Posted 16 January 2005 - 10:36 PM
secret marriages are not allowed in islam, for the marriage must have witnesses and be known that the couple is married. this is for many reasons and the main one is What if you become pregnant right after you are married. you would not want people thinking that you did something outside of marriage and thinking that you committed a sin...when you did not. It is so important for people to know about a marriage.
No, it is not allowed to force someone to get married, so if your husband is strong enough, he can refuse to get married to someone that he does not want to marry, even if it is his mother who is making him.
Why dont you not see this boyfriend anymore since you have embraced islam. And if he truly loves you he will come back to ask you to marry him, if not you have not lost anything. But have gained more by not speaking to non marhim men.
Posted 16 January 2005 - 10:39 PM
Sounds like your situation is a little sticky....
Masha'Allah congratulations on your conversion to Islam. May Allah guide you on the Right Path always, insha'Allah.
Sister, you and this brother are both Muslims. It would be best if you did not continue to see him as your boyfriend. No one here can advise you to anything that goes against Islam, and your current situation does. That makes it harder to answer your other questions.
If he wants to marry you then he knows how to reach you. In the meantime I would suggest you discontinue the relationship.
I"m sorry I don't have the answers available about your other questions of whether or not his mother can make him marry someone or if secret marriages are allowed in Islam. I know boyfriends and girlfriends are not though!
Posted 16 January 2005 - 11:11 PM
:shock: wow sis. feel like I'm reading my story. Subhana Allah! I was going through a slighty similiar situation as you before I reverted.
Yes parents can have a HUGE influence indirectly on a child's decision. They can not force him to not marry you without a valid sharia'h reason but just a threat can scare him out of it. Insha'Allah if you ever want to talk you can PM and I will be happy to help you out in whatever way that I can. :wink:
I just want you to know that above all things you need to be aware that this relationship is not correct in Islam and if the two of you are serious about marriage then ya'll need to change many things and quickly. Otherwise it's best to end it completely now and save each other from committing more zina as well as other sins if not it will hurt you very very much if it ends badly.
Hope I was of some help to you sis. Insha'Allah we'll continue to hear from you. Fi aman Allah
Posted 17 January 2005 - 03:55 AM
I'm still a little confused on what to do, but I know Allah will cause the
right thing to happen.
Posted 17 January 2005 - 05:32 AM
Mashallah on your reversion to Islam, sis, and may Allah (swt) guide you on the straight path, Ameen
Though right now it may seem hard to let go of this relationship, try to look at the long run and what you would want as a Muslimah. Firstly, we do understand don't we that Allah (swt)'s commands have the best of logic?
For ex, hijab=protection, dignity, freedom for women
not mixing w/ opp. sex=less chance for zina, more dignity, etc.
Similarly, in not having a boyfriend, 1) You are obeying Allah (swt) and proving that you care about pleasing Him first and foremost, because Allah (swt) will always love you whereas your boyfriend may not, he's human you know. 2) These situations cause temptation, zina, etc. which are forbidden..but think..would you like for your child (for example) to have parents who are unmarried?
Anyway, I think Alhamdulillah you are doing a great job trying to convince him, but if he doesn't understand, you don't have to force him into believing it. You can just leave him or try to act modestly and avoid being alone with him, because you ARE in charge of your life and you have EVERY right to act as you wish, you are not enslaved to this guy or anything..and if he really does love you, he will ask you to marry him..
Sister, this is all in the hands of Allah (swt). I suggest for now if this is not working, just leave it to Allah (swt), do salaat-ul-istikhaara and try learning more about Islam (maybe learning more Surahs, reading some Ahadith, reading the Qur'an or its correct translation, coming on this forum ( ) or reading books/articles)
Insha Allah Allah (swt) will make it easy for you and give you the best man possible for marriage, Ameen
Posted 17 January 2005 - 08:43 AM
WELCOME to the forum and mashAllah on your reversion.
MashAllah the other sisters have already given good advices...
I agree... Don't have a boyfriend. InshAllah you'll get a good and pious husband that will love you.
I'm looking forward to read your posts inshAllah
Posted 07 February 2005 - 05:54 AM
Sis Miss Curious i just wanted to see how you have been doing and how your situation has been going? Insha'ALlah things are better for you now. You are in my duas sis.
Insha'Allah we will hear from you soon. keep us updated. Fi aman Allah
Posted 09 February 2005 - 09:00 PM
First off congratulations for embracing Islam! May you find peace and happiness in this new life in sha Allah.
As for the brother... Let me just say this:
A man is a man and just because he is a muslim doesn't mean his fitrah (natural state) will change.
Sister, if you havent noticed, even non-muslim women have this problem with their non-muslim boyfriends/ or partners. In some cases, they even cohabit i.e. live in the same house for so many years and yet still he dont initiate marriage and when the question is popped, he will give all kinds of excuses like he dont have enough money etc.
Of all excuses, I'd say your boyfriend's is the lamest one (Sorry to be so blunt). I mean, him saying he can't marry you koz someone else decide for him (his mother) is very lame for a man actually. You can say oh I cant decide what to eat for today, my sister decides for me. But when it comes to things like what to study, which job to pursue and whom to MARRY- that thing is a decision lies in the hands of the owner of the body so to speak.
Sister, if he wants to marry you, he will marry you even if you are not muslim because in Islam a Muslim man can marry Jewish and Christian women. In some cases, the early muslim men were reported to even marry local women of India when they make da'wah there (because of no jewish/ christian women there at that time).
So Sister I might have to repeat this again and again but here goes: If a man wants you, he will "go for it". He will cross seas, climb mountains whatever to marry you. You can't "make" him to want to marry you. IF he don't initiate anythig, or worse, if he start giving excuses- then you must know he just don't want to marry you. Yes he likes you, but we all must know by now that men can enjoy the company of a women eventhough those women are not his wife.
So Sister, how about if you stay away from this brother since now you have become a Muslim? I know it is hard; but this is the first step to becoming a true muslimah. Stay away from him. If you can't do it for Allah's sake; at least do it for your sake. Have some pride in yourself. Don't sell yourself low. Tell yourself since you are a muslim woman now; whoever wants you have to "get" you- not the other way round. If he dont want you; its HIS loss- not yours. Have this attitude and you will not be dissappointed in sha Allah.
And who knows, while you are away, having your own new beautiful life, this brother might realise how much he actually "loves" you and realise that he "cannot live" without you- that you are in fact "the" one- so he proposes you because he don't want to lose you.
But if you keep on living with him, contact him, etc- he will not feel any need to marry you. Firstly because he just don't wana, secondly because he is taking you for granted. Like so many men have confessed (non-muslim men),"Why should I marry her if I can/ alreday get everything that I need from her?" By staying away from him/ breaking off contacts with him, you give him the chance to think whether he actually does love you and thus it allows him to make a better decision. Believe me sister, when a man sense that he wants you in his life, i.e. he cannot live without you- he will come running to you (propose you, that is). He will not let you fade away from his life just like that. So sister, leave him now, stop communicating with him now and make istikharah and lots of du'a in sha ALlah.
All the best sister...
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