I'm Starting To Hate My Brother
Posted 23 February 2013 - 01:48 PM
I'm really starting to hate my brother. My brothers find it normal to call my sis and I words like b$tch and stuff like that. My eldest brother however is so mean and it really hurts. He ruined my last vacation by being very mean to me. I was sick and nearly coughed my lungs out, but he refused to take me to the doctor. He told mom he hates the way I walk. I don't even understand how that is something of his concern. In a while we will have friends over and he asked mom who was coming when she was vacuuming. She said some friends and he said why isn't she doing anything, she's just sitting on her bed. He is the biggest pig in house and I already had cleaned a lot before. He just angers me and I refuse to talk to him unless he apologises, but I know he won't do so. I'm really starting to hate him. Mom likes to believe it's the evil eye and turns on quran, but it's just his stupid way of addressing me. I've had it with him!
Posted 24 February 2013 - 06:24 AM
why not write an honest letter to your eldest brother and saying everything you feel and how upset and hurt you are by his treatment?
don't make it an angry letter.. because then he will reply and say grow up or anything else that will make you more angry
i know how annoyed you are and stressful this is, but don'tttt write in the letter I hate you or I won't talk to you untill you apologize
be calm and tell him that because he's your older brother nad your his young sister, little sister and you want to feel that he cares for you more... and write what you think will make him understand you more and stop and take a moment and think about his treatment with you
but as i mentioned it make it calm, not angry .. but say that your really torn up from inside and your really stressed by it and explainn in detail how you feel
also print out this fatwa and include it with the letter:
Rights of brothers and sisters
What are the rights of brothers, sisters and parents on the man at the time .
Praise be to Allaah.
Brothers and sisters are among the relatives with whom Islam commands us to uphold ties.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Allaah says: ‘I am al-Rahmaan (the Most Merciful) and this rahm (tie of kinship) has a name that is derived from My name. Whoever uphold it, I will take care of him, and whoever severs it, I will cut him off.’” (Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1907; Abu Dawood, 1694; classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 520).
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever would like his lifespan to be extended and his provision to be increased, let him uphold the ties of kinship.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 1961; Muslim, 2557)
Among the rights that they share with other Muslims, except that their rights are stronger, are: that you should greet them with salaam when you meet them; you should accept their invitation when they invite you; you should say “Yarhamukum Allaah (may Allaah have mercy on you) if they sneeze; you should visit them if they fall sick; you should attend their funeral if they die; you should go along with them if they swear that you should do something; you should advise them sincerely if they seek your advice; you should not backbite about them in their absence; you should love for them what you love for yourself and hate for them what you hate for yourself. All of that is narrated in saheeh ahaadeeth.
Their rights also include: that you should not harm any of them in word or deed. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 10; Muslim, 40). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, in a lengthy hadeeth in which he enjoined a number of virtues, “… If you cannot do that, then leave people alone (and do not offend them), for that is an act of charity that you do for yourself.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2382; Muslim, 84).
With regard to parents’ rights, we have explained the mother’s rights over her children in the answer to question number 5053
And Allaah knows best.
hopefully your eldest brother feels bad about what he has done and apologizes to you and then he himself may stop your other brothers from disrespecting you,
if not though be patient sister and forgive him
Allah says in surat al- zumr, "O My servants who have believed, fear your Lord. For those who do good in this world is good, and the earth of Allah is spacious. Indeed, the patient will be given their reward without account."
said by one of the scholars "Their reward (those who are patient) will not be weighed or measured;
they will be given an immense reward.''
As-Suddi said: (Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full,
also, those who forgive for the sake of Allah have an imense reward insha'allah
and sister make duaaaaa alwaysss
“Verily your Lord is Generous and Shy. If His servant raises his hands to Him (in supplication) He becomes shy to return them empty” (Ahmad, Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi)
[2.Surah Al-Baqarah : Ayah 186]
"And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the suppliant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way."
The best times to make Dua is when one is in Sujood, the times between Adhan and Iqamah, as well as at other times as indicated by the following Hadith in which the Prophet said, “Three types of people’s Duas are not rejected: 1) At the time of Iftar the person who has fasted 2) Adil ruler’s Dua 3) The Dua of the oppressed. Allah raises the Dua of the oppressed on the clouds and the doors of heaven are opened for it and Allah says, “Oath of MY Majesty and Honor! I will help and aid you. Even though if the help is after few days.” (Tirmidhi) Another Hadith listed another three in which the Prophet said, Three Duas are such in which there is no doubt of their acceptance: 1) Father’s Dua 2) Traveler’s Dua 3) Dua of the oppressed”. (Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah) http://www.muslimyou...e-power-of-dua/
So alwaysssss make duaa that may Allah ease your relationship with your brothers, soften their hearts and change them to be better
Edited by Sister Lina, 24 February 2013 - 12:48 PM.
Posted 24 February 2013 - 10:12 AM
Dont apologise to him, you haven't anything to apologise for.
Just keep your distance from him, and if he says something to your mother and she chooses to ignore it, then that's up to her- dont get stressed about stuff that doesn't concern you directly otherwise you'll be constantly upset. Your mother chooses to blame it on the evil eye, fine, that's up to her- you dont need to agree with it.
I'm afraid it seems like you'll just need to block him out until inshallah you leave home and are married etc. Or until he leaves. Inshallah that time is coming soon so please just be strong and keep going about your normal duties.
He sounds like nothing more than a disrepectful bully that doesn't deserve such a lovely sister like you
Posted 24 February 2013 - 03:48 PM
I completely agree with um z , keep your distance and ignore as much as you can and be patient. InshaAllah, you won´t have to be in a same household with your brothers for much longer. Take care dear sister.
Posted 24 February 2013 - 05:54 PM
jazakom Allah bl khair for replying. Unfortunately these type of guys are too barbaric for letters. I do ignore him already at this moment and I ignored him in the past for months, but it doesn't change his behavior at all. I guess all that I can do is make dua and ignore his bad words. Thank you for your kind words sisters.
Posted 24 February 2013 - 07:17 PM
there's this quote i read from a fatwa
Tarh al-Tathreeb, 8/99
What you should do, if your brother has done something haraam, is to advise him and explain that this thing is haraam and is not permitted, and remind him of Allaah. If you see that he is persisting in his sin and you think that forsaking him will serve a purpose, then it is permissible to do so, as stated above. But if he has simply done something that you do not agree with, or it is the matter of different points of view, then you should explain to him that you do not agree with what he has done, or with his mistaken point of view.
so if you think its best to ignore them, why not try to just explain or tell them that what they are doing is haram first
they may belittle your words and feelings, but may be hearing the words of Allah the almighty or the Prophet peace and blessings be upon him... they might stop and think for a minute
like for example you can mention: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 10; Muslim, 40). And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, in a lengthy hadeeth in which he enjoined a number of virtues, “… If you cannot do that, then leave people alone (and do not offend them), for that is an act of charity that you do for yourself.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 2382; Muslim, 84).
and there's manyy other hadiths you can find that show how foul language is haram
and treating others in a mean way is haram
and make duaa as you said and May Allah give you patience my dear sister
Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:18 PM
Thank you very much. I thought it wasn't allowed at all. Believe me I said it many times already. It's not normal to talk to someone in that matter and 7araam. So I'll just avoid him like I used to.
Posted 24 February 2013 - 09:34 PM
your welcome sister
here's the full fatwa that i got the quote from so you can have the full understanding
It is not permissible to forsake a Muslim because of differences in points of view
ar - en - es
I know that it is only permissible for a muslim to be mad at a fellow brother for 3 days at most، and the one who is better is who talks first. However، if I only see a certain brother once a week or so، is it permissible for me to turn away 3 times that I see him، or do I have stick with the 3 day limit. If I do، then he will never know my displeasure with him. I know this isn't a good attitude to have، but sometimes a brother may do something and I would like to let him know that I do not approve of it.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible to forsake a Muslim, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “It is not permissible for a man to forsake his Muslim brother for more than three days, each of them turning away from the other when they meet. The better of them is the one who gives the greeting of salaam first.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5727; Muslim, 2560). This applies especially if the believer is a relative, such as a brother, nephew, uncle or cousin, because in such cases forsaking is an even worse sin.
This applies unless the person is committing a sin and there is an interest to be served by forsaking him, i.e., that it will make him give up the sin. In that case there is nothing wrong with it, because this comes under the heading of removing evil. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever among you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand [by taking action]; if he cannot, then with his tongue [by speaking out]; if he cannot then with his heart [by hating it and feeling that it is wrong], and that is the weakest of faith.”
(Narrated by Muslim, 49).
The basic principle is that it is haraam for a Muslim to forsake his fellow-Muslim, unless there is a reason to allow it.
See Fataawa Manaar al-Islam, by Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, vol. 3, p. 732.
Wali al-Deen al-‘Iraaqi said:
This prohibition applies in cases where the forsaking is caused by anger with regard to something permissible that has nothing to do with religion. With regard to forsaking someone for a religious reason, such as his committing sin or bid’ah, there is no prohibition on that. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded (his companions) to forsake Ka’b ibn Maalik, Hilaal ibn Umayyah and Maraarah ibn al-Rabee’ (may Allaah be pleased with them). Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said: This hadeeth of Ka’b indicates that it is permissible for a man to forsake his brother if he commits some act of bid’ah or immorality, in the hope that forsaking him may discipline him and serve as a rebuke to him. Abu’l-‘Abbaas al-Qurtubi said: With regard to forsaking a person because of sin or bid’ah, it should be continued until he repents from that and does not go back to it. Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr also said: The scholars are unanimously agreed that it is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days, unless there is the fear that speaking to him and keeping in touch with him will affect one’s religious commitment or have some harmful effect on one's spiritual and worldly interests. If that is the case, it is permissible to avoid him, because peaceful avoidance is better than harmful mixing.
Tarh al-Tathreeb, 8/99
What you should do, if your brother has done something haraam, is to advise him and explain that this thing is haraam and is not permitted, and remind him of Allaah. If you see that he is persisting in his sin and you think that forsaking him will serve a purpose, then it is permissible to do so, as stated above. But if he has simply done something that you do not agree with, or it is the matter of different points of view, then you should explain to him that you do not agree with what he has done, or with his mistaken point of view. But if you make forsaking him the sign of your disagreeing with him, this may lead to him rejecting your view completely, let alone the fact that this is not a legitimate shar’i justification for forsaking him for more than three days. We have seen above in the fatwa of Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen that the basic principle is that it is haraam for a Muslim to forsake his fellow-Muslim, unless there is a reason to allow it.
The Muslim must be forbearing and sincere towards his brothers, he must be tolerant towards them and overlook their mistakes. He should not hasten to adopt a solution that may cause division and haraam kinds of forsaking. May Allaah help us all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. May Allaah send blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad.
May Allah easee your relationship and make them wake up from ghafla and realize what they are doing
and May Allah give you patience my dear sister
don't completely shun them though, be their sister and give them advice when they need it and so on
just avoid to make a lot of contact with them if it will bring you trouble and ignore them when they bother you
One day yarab they realize that they have a sweet, caring sister who treated them good and did them no harm and that they have treated so badly for a long time
and by the way sister, your good treatment with them and your patience is considered daa'wah to them
and sister make lotsss of duaa like you said you will.
May Allah bless you sister
Edited by Sister Lina, 24 February 2013 - 09:37 PM.
Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:00 AM
I'm sorry to hear you are having so much trouble with your brother. I remember growing up, my brother would pick on my sister and I a lot. I don't remember him ever being quite so mean as it sound like your brother is being though. My parents wouldn't put up with behavior like that. (And don't get me wrong, my sister and I couldn't get away with being too mean either!) So I would actually advise instead of approaching your brother, approach your parents. Tell them how your brother makes you feel and advise them on how the Quran and hadith say brothers and sisters should treat each other. Remind them of the rights and responsibilities between children and parents and they they in turn need to act on these things, not just turn on the Quran to make things better.
What is the age difference between you and your brothers? My brother is 8 years older than me so we had almost nothing in common for a long time. But because he's so much older he's always been pretty protective too (when he's not the one picking on me ) We're adults now so any teasing is done more in a way to make each other laugh than to hurt each others feelings. So I so still also advise patience as some of the other sisters have advised too. There may simply come a day, insha Allah, he stops being a jerk and starts trying to act a little more nicely.
Posted 26 February 2013 - 03:16 PM
As this is the teen section I am guessing you and your brothers are still fairly young. I was the same with my brother, we were always fighting growing up. When we became adults we were like friends (mostly). It wasn't until the other day that I found out that when I was younger and in hospital he wouldn't leave my side. I guess they're there when needed and a pain when everything's okay.
Try finding something in common with him and see if you can find a way to make him more like a friend. He probably just annoys you just to get a reaction. That's what brothers do.
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