Salam Alaikum
There's people who give the impression that a father can reject or refuse a brother who propose her daughter even if her daughter accept the brother's proposal. Likewise, there's people who give the impression that fathers can marry their daughters with whomever he likes (whether the daughter accepts the brother's proposal or not).
In the same time, there is also hadeeth such as the hadeeth about the father who married the girl against her wishes, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) allowed the girl to decide whether or no to continue the marriage contract. And the girl decided to continue but she reminded the people that fathers have no say in the matter.
There is also another hadeeth about the Prophet (s.a.w) sent his sahabah to propose a girl who is very beautiful and comes from a rich family. The sahabah is said to be not handsome and he is short and black. The family refused but when the daughter heard of the conversation, she went out to them and said, "If the Messenger sent him, I accept" and they married.
On the one hand there's people who give the impression that the father have the final say to object a proposal on the basis of status or wealth even if the brother is a good Muslim.
On the other hand, we also know about Ali r.a who proposed Aishah and Rasulullah s.a.w accepted after asking Fatimah r.a and he did not object or stop the marriage from happening just because Ali r.a is poor.
So from what I understand, a father or a guardian should help or allow his daughter to marry any brother who's proposal she accepts. However, the father has the right to stop any possible marriage of her daughter from happening if and only if the brother is a bad Muslim (of bad character) i.e he drinks, sleep around, don't pray, etc.
Is my understanding correct?
(I would like to hear the Shaykh's opinion on this quite complicated matter when in truth it should be quite simple. Thanks)
0
The power of a Guardian and the rights of the daughter
Started by
Guest_Bubbles_*
, Jul 31 2003 06:20 AM
4 replies to this topic
#2
Posted 31 July 2003 - 03:12 PM
Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh,
I will post some fataawaa, all from shuyookh.
Question:
I want to marry a man who is training to go for Jihad in a few years. However, when I brought it up to my father, he refused because he said he could not bear to see me a widow in this world. I understand the consequences of marrying someone who may die in battle (from a worldy perspective: i.e I will be living without a husband for months at a time, there is a great possiblity I may become a widow, etc), however, the reward is far greater than any worldy benefit.
So, is it my obligation to listen to my father? Does he have a valid islamic excuse to reject this suitor when I am more than willing to be the wife a Mujahid? Please help.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Marriage is a noble, legitimate bond that is encouraged by our religion in several places in the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger. One of the most important factors in this bond is to make a good choice when selecting a husband or wife. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are married for four things: for their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hand be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466.
And he said, addressing the guardians (walis) of women: “If there comes to you with a proposal of marriage one with whose religious commitment and attitude you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1022.
Moreover jihad is one of the greatest kinds of good deeds, and it is the pinnacle of Islam. Those who fight in jihad are among the best of the slaves of Allaah, and are among His party of the successful. The virtue of jihad and the mujaahideen would take too long to explain here.
Secondly:
Going for jihad does not mean that death is certain. Allaah has created all beings and has decreed their provision and life spans. It is strange that a Muslim would think that going for jihad in the battle field means that he will be killed there, and that if he does not go for jihad he will escape death. This is a mistaken notion, because jihad does not hasten the hour of a man's death, and not going for jihad does not delay it. A person may spend his whole life in jihad and not be killed in battle. One of the best examples of that is the great Sahaabi Khaalid ibn al-Waleed (may Allaah be pleased with him) who spent most of his life in the battlefield, then he died in his bed, whilst thousands of people die every minute in their homes or places of work or on the street. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And if Allaah were to seize mankind for their wrongdoing, He would not leave on it (the earth) a single moving (living) creature, but He postpones them for an appointed term and when their term comes, neither can they delay nor can they advance it an hour (or a moment)”
[al-Nahl 16:61]
“No person knows what he will earn tomorrow, and no person knows in what land he will die. Verily, Allaah is All‑Knower, All‑Aware (of things)”
[Luqmaan 31:34]
Allaah tells us of those who think like this, and He refutes them:
“O you who believe! Be not like those who disbelieve (hypocrites) and who say to their brethren when they travel through the earth or go out to fight: ‘If they had stayed with us, they would not have died or been killed,’ so that Allaah may make it a cause of regret in their hearts. It is Allaah that gives life and causes death. And Allaah is All‑Seer of what you do”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:156 – interpretation of the meaning]
Ibn Katheer said:
Allaah forbids His believing slaves to imitate the kuffaar in their corrupt belief which is indicated by what they said concerning their brethren who died on journeys or in war, that if they had not travelled or gone to war, what befell them would not have befallen them. Allaah says “O you who believe! Be not like those who disbelieve (hypocrites) and who say to their brethren” i.e., of their brethren; “when they travel through the earth” i.e., for the purpose of trading etc; “or go out to fight” i.e., on military campaigns; “If they had stayed with us” i.e., in our land; “they would not have died or been killed” i.e., they would not have died on the road or been killed in battle. The words, “so that Allaah may make it a cause of regret in their hearts” mean, He has created this belief in their hearts to increase their sense of grief for their people who died or were slain.
Then Allaah says, refuting them:
“It is Allaah that gives life and causes death” meaning, creation is in His hand, and to Him all things return. No one lives or dies except by His will and decree, and there can be no increase or decrease in the life span of anyone except by His will and decree.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/420.
And he said:
Just as caution does not change the will and decree of Allaah, so too fleeing from jihad or avoiding it does not hasten or delay the appointed time of death. Rather life span is decided and provision is allocated. And it cannot be increased or decreased, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“(They are) the ones who said about their killed brethren while they themselves sat (at home): ‘If only they had listened to us, they would not have been killed.’ Say: ‘Avert death from your ownselves, if you speak the truth’”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:168]
“They say: ‘Our Lord! Why have you ordained for us fighting? Would that you had granted us respite for a short period?’ Say: ‘Short is the enjoyment of this world. The Hereafter is (far) better for him who fears Allaah, and you shall not be dealt with unjustly even equal to the Fateela (a scalish thread in the long slit of a date stone).
Wheresoever you may be, death will overtake you even if you are in fortresses built up strong and high!’”
[al-Nisa’ 4:77-78]
And we have narrated from the commander of the army, the leader of the troops, the guardian of Islam, the sword of Allaah unsheathed against His enemies, Abu Sulaymaan Khaalid ibn al-Waleed (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he said – when he was about to die – “I have seen such and such battles, and there is no part of my body that has not been struck by arrows, stabbed or hit, but here I am about to die in my bed like a camel. May the eyes of cowards know no sleep” – meaning that he was sad that he had not been killed in war, and was grieved that he was going to die in his bed.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/300.
Thirdly:
From the above it is clear that what your father says about not wanting to see you widowed in his lifetime is mistaken, because if Allaah has decreed that for you, it will happen even if you marry someone who is not a mujaahid. His refusing this man because he is preparing himself for jihad is not an acceptable justification according to sharee’ah. But if there are other reasons that have to do with his attitude and religious commitment, then the father can refuse this marriage.
Fourthly:
Our advice to you is to obey your father. You do not have the right to marry without the permission of your guardian. The wise sharee’ah regards the marriage of a woman without the permission of her guardian as invalid.
(a) It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318.
(
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (S) said: “Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid,” but if the marriage has been consummated then the mahr belongs to her because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. And if she has no guardian then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. Classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh ibn Ibn Hibbaan (9/384) and al-Haakim (2/183).
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
I will post some fataawaa, all from shuyookh.
Question:
I want to marry a man who is training to go for Jihad in a few years. However, when I brought it up to my father, he refused because he said he could not bear to see me a widow in this world. I understand the consequences of marrying someone who may die in battle (from a worldy perspective: i.e I will be living without a husband for months at a time, there is a great possiblity I may become a widow, etc), however, the reward is far greater than any worldy benefit.
So, is it my obligation to listen to my father? Does he have a valid islamic excuse to reject this suitor when I am more than willing to be the wife a Mujahid? Please help.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
Marriage is a noble, legitimate bond that is encouraged by our religion in several places in the Book of Allaah and the Sunnah of His Messenger. One of the most important factors in this bond is to make a good choice when selecting a husband or wife. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Women are married for four things: for their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously committed, may your hand be rubbed with dust [i.e., may you prosper].” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4802; Muslim, 1466.
And he said, addressing the guardians (walis) of women: “If there comes to you with a proposal of marriage one with whose religious commitment and attitude you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084; Ibn Maajah, 1967. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1022.
Moreover jihad is one of the greatest kinds of good deeds, and it is the pinnacle of Islam. Those who fight in jihad are among the best of the slaves of Allaah, and are among His party of the successful. The virtue of jihad and the mujaahideen would take too long to explain here.
Secondly:
Going for jihad does not mean that death is certain. Allaah has created all beings and has decreed their provision and life spans. It is strange that a Muslim would think that going for jihad in the battle field means that he will be killed there, and that if he does not go for jihad he will escape death. This is a mistaken notion, because jihad does not hasten the hour of a man's death, and not going for jihad does not delay it. A person may spend his whole life in jihad and not be killed in battle. One of the best examples of that is the great Sahaabi Khaalid ibn al-Waleed (may Allaah be pleased with him) who spent most of his life in the battlefield, then he died in his bed, whilst thousands of people die every minute in their homes or places of work or on the street. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And if Allaah were to seize mankind for their wrongdoing, He would not leave on it (the earth) a single moving (living) creature, but He postpones them for an appointed term and when their term comes, neither can they delay nor can they advance it an hour (or a moment)”
[al-Nahl 16:61]
“No person knows what he will earn tomorrow, and no person knows in what land he will die. Verily, Allaah is All‑Knower, All‑Aware (of things)”
[Luqmaan 31:34]
Allaah tells us of those who think like this, and He refutes them:
“O you who believe! Be not like those who disbelieve (hypocrites) and who say to their brethren when they travel through the earth or go out to fight: ‘If they had stayed with us, they would not have died or been killed,’ so that Allaah may make it a cause of regret in their hearts. It is Allaah that gives life and causes death. And Allaah is All‑Seer of what you do”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:156 – interpretation of the meaning]
Ibn Katheer said:
Allaah forbids His believing slaves to imitate the kuffaar in their corrupt belief which is indicated by what they said concerning their brethren who died on journeys or in war, that if they had not travelled or gone to war, what befell them would not have befallen them. Allaah says “O you who believe! Be not like those who disbelieve (hypocrites) and who say to their brethren” i.e., of their brethren; “when they travel through the earth” i.e., for the purpose of trading etc; “or go out to fight” i.e., on military campaigns; “If they had stayed with us” i.e., in our land; “they would not have died or been killed” i.e., they would not have died on the road or been killed in battle. The words, “so that Allaah may make it a cause of regret in their hearts” mean, He has created this belief in their hearts to increase their sense of grief for their people who died or were slain.
Then Allaah says, refuting them:
“It is Allaah that gives life and causes death” meaning, creation is in His hand, and to Him all things return. No one lives or dies except by His will and decree, and there can be no increase or decrease in the life span of anyone except by His will and decree.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/420.
And he said:
Just as caution does not change the will and decree of Allaah, so too fleeing from jihad or avoiding it does not hasten or delay the appointed time of death. Rather life span is decided and provision is allocated. And it cannot be increased or decreased, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“(They are) the ones who said about their killed brethren while they themselves sat (at home): ‘If only they had listened to us, they would not have been killed.’ Say: ‘Avert death from your ownselves, if you speak the truth’”
[Aal ‘Imraan 3:168]
“They say: ‘Our Lord! Why have you ordained for us fighting? Would that you had granted us respite for a short period?’ Say: ‘Short is the enjoyment of this world. The Hereafter is (far) better for him who fears Allaah, and you shall not be dealt with unjustly even equal to the Fateela (a scalish thread in the long slit of a date stone).
Wheresoever you may be, death will overtake you even if you are in fortresses built up strong and high!’”
[al-Nisa’ 4:77-78]
And we have narrated from the commander of the army, the leader of the troops, the guardian of Islam, the sword of Allaah unsheathed against His enemies, Abu Sulaymaan Khaalid ibn al-Waleed (may Allaah be pleased with him) that he said – when he was about to die – “I have seen such and such battles, and there is no part of my body that has not been struck by arrows, stabbed or hit, but here I am about to die in my bed like a camel. May the eyes of cowards know no sleep” – meaning that he was sad that he had not been killed in war, and was grieved that he was going to die in his bed.
Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/300.
Thirdly:
From the above it is clear that what your father says about not wanting to see you widowed in his lifetime is mistaken, because if Allaah has decreed that for you, it will happen even if you marry someone who is not a mujaahid. His refusing this man because he is preparing himself for jihad is not an acceptable justification according to sharee’ah. But if there are other reasons that have to do with his attitude and religious commitment, then the father can refuse this marriage.
Fourthly:
Our advice to you is to obey your father. You do not have the right to marry without the permission of your guardian. The wise sharee’ah regards the marriage of a woman without the permission of her guardian as invalid.
(a) It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.”
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318.
(
It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (S) said: “Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid,” but if the marriage has been consummated then the mahr belongs to her because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. And if she has no guardian then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.
Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. Classed as hasan by al-Tirmidhi and as saheeh ibn Ibn Hibbaan (9/384) and al-Haakim (2/183).
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
#3
Posted 31 July 2003 - 03:14 PM
Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh,
Question
I have a friend who is 28 years old, and a young man has proposed marriage to her. He is religiously-committed and of good character, and he comes from a rsespectable family, as her own family have attested, because they know him from before. My friend was astonished when her father and mother refused this man, even though they praised his religious-commitment and good character. The reason they gave for their refusal was that he is not from their tribe, and it is a shame for them to let their daughter marry someone who is not from their tribe. My friend tried every way to convince them, but without success. She asked some people to speak to her father and two of her male cousins went and asked about the man and found out that he is good, and they went to her father (to convince him to let her marry him), but without success. She tried to remind her father that she is getting too old and has few chances of marriage, and she told him that Allaah would punish him, but without success, because he is under the thumb of the mother who does not want her to get married, not because of tradition or custom, but because she wants her to find a job as a teacher so she can take her salary. This is the problem. My question is, should this girl go to the court so that the qaadi will marry her to this young man? Will that take a long time before the marriage is done, i.e., will the qaadi summon her father and will there be lengthy procedures? This makes her afraid because if she goes to the court the first time and the judge makes an appointment for the hearing on another day, her family may prevent her from attending and the matter may be decided without her being present. Please advise us on this matter, may Allaah reward you with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Parents’ insisting on marrying their daughters to men from the same tribe, even if that means delaying their marriage, is a serious wrongdoing and a betrayal of the trust which Allaah has given to them.
The evil consequences which come from denying women the opportunity to get married, or delaying it, are known only to Allaah. Anyone who looks at the state of society will see that clearly.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) referred to these evil consequences when he said: “If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084, from Abu Haatim al-Muzani. This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
If a man prevents a female relative under his guardianship from marrying a man who is compatible and who is religiously-committed and of good character, then guardianship passes from him to the next (relative) in line.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Preventing a woman from marrying means preventing a woman from marrying a compatible man if she wants to get married and if each of them wants to marry the other. Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: I married a sister of mine to a man, then he divorced her. When her ‘iddah ended, he came to propose marriage to her again. I said to him, ‘I married her to you, I was kind and I honoured you, then you divorced her, and now you come proposing marriage again! No, by Allaah, she will never go back to you.’ There was nothing wrong with the man, and she wanted to go back to him. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning):
‘do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on reasonable basis’
[al-Baqarah 2:232]
I said, ‘Now I will do that O Messenger of Allaah.’ So he married her to him. Narrated by al-Bukhaari.
It is the same whether she asks for marriage with a mahr like that of a woman of equal standing to her, or with less. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i.
If she wants to marry someone of equal standing, and the wali wants to marry her to a different person of equal standing, and he refuses to marry her to the person whom she wants to marry, then he is preventing her from marrying.
But if she wants to marry someone of different standing, then he has the right to stop her, and in this case he is not preventing her from marrying in the wrongful sense.
Al-Mughni, 9/383
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “When a woman reaches the age of puberty, if there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character she is pleased and who is compatible, and the wali does not have any proof that he is not compatible, then the wali has to respond to his request and marry her to him. If he refuses to do so, then his responsibilities towards his charge should be pointed out to him. If he still insists on refusing after that, then he forfeits the right of guardianship and it passes to the next closest relative on the father’s side.”
From the Shaykh’s Fataawa, 10/97.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If the wali refused to let a woman marry a man whose religious commitment and character are good, then guardianship passes to the next closest male relative on the father’s side, then the next closest and so on. If they refuse to arrange her marriage, as usually happens, then guardianship passes to the qaadi, and the qaadi should arrange the woman’s marriage. If the matter is referred to him and he knows that her guardians have refused to arrange her marriage, then he should do that, because he is the wali in cases where there is no specific wali.
The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) stated that if the wali repeatedly refuses marriage proposals from suitable men, then he is a faasiq (evildoer) and is no longer regarded as being of good character or as being a wali, rather according to the best known view of the madhhab of Imam Ahmad, he also forfeits the right to lead prayers and it is not valid to offer any congregational prayer behind him. This is a serious matter.
Some people, as we have referred to above, refuse offers of marriage from compatible men, but the girl may feel too shy to come to the qaadi to ask for her marriage to be arranged. This is something that does happen. But she should weigh the pros and cons, and decide which has the more damaging consequences, staying without a husband and letting her wali control her life according to his mood or his whims and desires, and when she grows old and no longer wants to get married, then he will arrange her marriage, or going to the qaadi and asking him to arrange her marriage because that is her right according to sharee’ah.
Undoubtedly the second alternative is preferable, which is that she should go to the qaadi and ask him to arrange her marriage, because she has the right to that, and because her going to the qaadi and his arranging her marriage serves the interests of others too, because others will come just as she has, and her coming to the qaadi will serve as a deterrent to those who wrong those whom Allaah has put under their care and prevent them from marrying compatible men. In other words, this serves three purposes:
1. The woman’s own interests, so that she will not stay without a husband.
2. The interests of others, because it will open the door for women who are waiting for someone to set a precedent they can follow.
3. Preventing those oppressive walis who make decisions for their daughters or other women under their guardianship according to their own moods or what they themselves want.
This also serves the purpose of establishing the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.”
It also serves a specific interest, which is arranging marriages for those who are suitable in terms of religious commitment and character, thus protecting them from going astray and falling into haraam.
Quoted from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/148.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen also said:
Would that we could reach a level where a woman can dare, if her father refuses to let her marry one who is suitable in terms of religious commitment and character, to go to the qaadi and he could say, “Arrange her marriage or I will do it, or a guardian other than you will do it.” Because this is the girl’s right, if her father refuses to arrange her marriage (it is her right to complain to the qaadi). This is her right according to sharee’ah. Would that we could reach this level, but shyness keeps most girls from doing that.
See also question no, 10196
The one who has most right to arrange a woman’s marriage is her father, then his father, (and grandfathers) no matter how far the line of ascent extends; then her son and grandson, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then her brothers through her father and her mother; then her brother through her father only; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then her paternal uncles; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then the father’s paternal uncles; then the ruler.
Al-Mughni, 9/355
We do not know whether the court procedures will take a long time or not. You could always alert the qaadi to the fact that the father may prevent his daughter from attending the court in the future. We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to give you a way out from your difficulty.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
Question
I have a friend who is 28 years old, and a young man has proposed marriage to her. He is religiously-committed and of good character, and he comes from a rsespectable family, as her own family have attested, because they know him from before. My friend was astonished when her father and mother refused this man, even though they praised his religious-commitment and good character. The reason they gave for their refusal was that he is not from their tribe, and it is a shame for them to let their daughter marry someone who is not from their tribe. My friend tried every way to convince them, but without success. She asked some people to speak to her father and two of her male cousins went and asked about the man and found out that he is good, and they went to her father (to convince him to let her marry him), but without success. She tried to remind her father that she is getting too old and has few chances of marriage, and she told him that Allaah would punish him, but without success, because he is under the thumb of the mother who does not want her to get married, not because of tradition or custom, but because she wants her to find a job as a teacher so she can take her salary. This is the problem. My question is, should this girl go to the court so that the qaadi will marry her to this young man? Will that take a long time before the marriage is done, i.e., will the qaadi summon her father and will there be lengthy procedures? This makes her afraid because if she goes to the court the first time and the judge makes an appointment for the hearing on another day, her family may prevent her from attending and the matter may be decided without her being present. Please advise us on this matter, may Allaah reward you with good.
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
Parents’ insisting on marrying their daughters to men from the same tribe, even if that means delaying their marriage, is a serious wrongdoing and a betrayal of the trust which Allaah has given to them.
The evil consequences which come from denying women the opportunity to get married, or delaying it, are known only to Allaah. Anyone who looks at the state of society will see that clearly.
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) referred to these evil consequences when he said: “If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1084, from Abu Haatim al-Muzani. This hadeeth was classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
If a man prevents a female relative under his guardianship from marrying a man who is compatible and who is religiously-committed and of good character, then guardianship passes from him to the next (relative) in line.
Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “Preventing a woman from marrying means preventing a woman from marrying a compatible man if she wants to get married and if each of them wants to marry the other. Ma’qil ibn Yassaar said: I married a sister of mine to a man, then he divorced her. When her ‘iddah ended, he came to propose marriage to her again. I said to him, ‘I married her to you, I was kind and I honoured you, then you divorced her, and now you come proposing marriage again! No, by Allaah, she will never go back to you.’ There was nothing wrong with the man, and she wanted to go back to him. Then Allaah revealed the words (interpretation of the meaning):
‘do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands, if they mutually agree on reasonable basis’
[al-Baqarah 2:232]
I said, ‘Now I will do that O Messenger of Allaah.’ So he married her to him. Narrated by al-Bukhaari.
It is the same whether she asks for marriage with a mahr like that of a woman of equal standing to her, or with less. This is the view of al-Shaafa’i.
If she wants to marry someone of equal standing, and the wali wants to marry her to a different person of equal standing, and he refuses to marry her to the person whom she wants to marry, then he is preventing her from marrying.
But if she wants to marry someone of different standing, then he has the right to stop her, and in this case he is not preventing her from marrying in the wrongful sense.
Al-Mughni, 9/383
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Ibraaheem (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “When a woman reaches the age of puberty, if there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character she is pleased and who is compatible, and the wali does not have any proof that he is not compatible, then the wali has to respond to his request and marry her to him. If he refuses to do so, then his responsibilities towards his charge should be pointed out to him. If he still insists on refusing after that, then he forfeits the right of guardianship and it passes to the next closest relative on the father’s side.”
From the Shaykh’s Fataawa, 10/97.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If the wali refused to let a woman marry a man whose religious commitment and character are good, then guardianship passes to the next closest male relative on the father’s side, then the next closest and so on. If they refuse to arrange her marriage, as usually happens, then guardianship passes to the qaadi, and the qaadi should arrange the woman’s marriage. If the matter is referred to him and he knows that her guardians have refused to arrange her marriage, then he should do that, because he is the wali in cases where there is no specific wali.
The fuqaha’ (may Allaah have mercy on them) stated that if the wali repeatedly refuses marriage proposals from suitable men, then he is a faasiq (evildoer) and is no longer regarded as being of good character or as being a wali, rather according to the best known view of the madhhab of Imam Ahmad, he also forfeits the right to lead prayers and it is not valid to offer any congregational prayer behind him. This is a serious matter.
Some people, as we have referred to above, refuse offers of marriage from compatible men, but the girl may feel too shy to come to the qaadi to ask for her marriage to be arranged. This is something that does happen. But she should weigh the pros and cons, and decide which has the more damaging consequences, staying without a husband and letting her wali control her life according to his mood or his whims and desires, and when she grows old and no longer wants to get married, then he will arrange her marriage, or going to the qaadi and asking him to arrange her marriage because that is her right according to sharee’ah.
Undoubtedly the second alternative is preferable, which is that she should go to the qaadi and ask him to arrange her marriage, because she has the right to that, and because her going to the qaadi and his arranging her marriage serves the interests of others too, because others will come just as she has, and her coming to the qaadi will serve as a deterrent to those who wrong those whom Allaah has put under their care and prevent them from marrying compatible men. In other words, this serves three purposes:
1. The woman’s own interests, so that she will not stay without a husband.
2. The interests of others, because it will open the door for women who are waiting for someone to set a precedent they can follow.
3. Preventing those oppressive walis who make decisions for their daughters or other women under their guardianship according to their own moods or what they themselves want.
This also serves the purpose of establishing the command of the Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), who said: “If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter) one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him, for if you do not do that, there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and widespread corruption.”
It also serves a specific interest, which is arranging marriages for those who are suitable in terms of religious commitment and character, thus protecting them from going astray and falling into haraam.
Quoted from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 3/148.
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen also said:
Would that we could reach a level where a woman can dare, if her father refuses to let her marry one who is suitable in terms of religious commitment and character, to go to the qaadi and he could say, “Arrange her marriage or I will do it, or a guardian other than you will do it.” Because this is the girl’s right, if her father refuses to arrange her marriage (it is her right to complain to the qaadi). This is her right according to sharee’ah. Would that we could reach this level, but shyness keeps most girls from doing that.
See also question no, 10196
The one who has most right to arrange a woman’s marriage is her father, then his father, (and grandfathers) no matter how far the line of ascent extends; then her son and grandson, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then her brothers through her father and her mother; then her brother through her father only; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then her paternal uncles; then their sons, no matter how far the line of descent extends; then the father’s paternal uncles; then the ruler.
Al-Mughni, 9/355
We do not know whether the court procedures will take a long time or not. You could always alert the qaadi to the fact that the father may prevent his daughter from attending the court in the future. We ask Allaah to make things easy for you and to give you a way out from your difficulty.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
#4
Posted 31 July 2003 - 03:15 PM
Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh
Question:
Some fathers prevent their daughters from marrying someone who is compatible with them. What is the ruling on this? What is the daughters’ position?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This question was put to Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), who said:
This is a serious issue and a major problem. Some men – we seek refuge with Allaah – betray Allaah and betray their trust, and cause problems for their daughters. The guardian is obliged to do that which pleases Allaah and His Messenger. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband)” – i.e., give your daughters in marriage – “and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid‑servants (female slaves).” [al-Noor 24:32]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your guardianship) to him, for if you do not do so, there will be tribulation and great mischief on earth.”
Some people – we seek refuge with Allaah – make their daughter a commodity to be sold to whoever they want, and they prevent her from marrying whoever they do not want. So they marry their daughter to a man whose character and religious commitment are not pleasing, because that suits their whims, and they prevent her from marrying one whose character and religious commitment are pleasing, because that does not suit them.
Would that we could reach the level where a woman whose father prevents her from marrying one whose character and religious commitment are compatible could go to the qaadi and he would tell her father, “Marry her to him or I or a guardian other than you will do so,” because a girl has the right, if her father prevents her from marrying someone, (and she complains to the qaadi). This is a right given by sharee’ah. Would that we could reach this level, but most girls are prevented by their shyness from doing this.
Our advice to the father is still to fear Allaah and not to prevent her from marrying, because that may cause her to do something wrong and may lead to mischief. Let him ask himself, if he were prevented from marrying, what would happen to him?
His daughter whom he prevented from marrying will become his opponent on the Day of Resurrection:
“That Day shall a man flee from his brother,
And from his mother and his father,
And from his wife and his children.
Every man that Day will have enough to make him careless of others” [‘Abasa 80:34-37 – interpretation of the meaning]
Guardians, including fathers and brothers, must fear Allaah and not deny women their right to marry the one whose religious commitment and character is pleasing to them.
Yes, if a woman chooses someone whose religious commitment and character are not pleasing, then he (the father or guardian) may prevent her from marrying him. But if she chooses a righteous man whose religious commitment and character are good, then he prevents her from marrying because of his own whims and desires, this is haraam, by Allaah, and it is a sin and a betrayal. If any mischief results from this, the sin will be on him (the father).
Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com)
Question:
Some fathers prevent their daughters from marrying someone who is compatible with them. What is the ruling on this? What is the daughters’ position?
Answer:
Praise be to Allaah.
This question was put to Shaykh Muhammad ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him), who said:
This is a serious issue and a major problem. Some men – we seek refuge with Allaah – betray Allaah and betray their trust, and cause problems for their daughters. The guardian is obliged to do that which pleases Allaah and His Messenger. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single (i.e. a man who has no wife and the woman who has no husband)” – i.e., give your daughters in marriage – “and (also marry) the Saalihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid‑servants (female slaves).” [al-Noor 24:32]
The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your guardianship) to him, for if you do not do so, there will be tribulation and great mischief on earth.”
Some people – we seek refuge with Allaah – make their daughter a commodity to be sold to whoever they want, and they prevent her from marrying whoever they do not want. So they marry their daughter to a man whose character and religious commitment are not pleasing, because that suits their whims, and they prevent her from marrying one whose character and religious commitment are pleasing, because that does not suit them.
Would that we could reach the level where a woman whose father prevents her from marrying one whose character and religious commitment are compatible could go to the qaadi and he would tell her father, “Marry her to him or I or a guardian other than you will do so,” because a girl has the right, if her father prevents her from marrying someone, (and she complains to the qaadi). This is a right given by sharee’ah. Would that we could reach this level, but most girls are prevented by their shyness from doing this.
Our advice to the father is still to fear Allaah and not to prevent her from marrying, because that may cause her to do something wrong and may lead to mischief. Let him ask himself, if he were prevented from marrying, what would happen to him?
His daughter whom he prevented from marrying will become his opponent on the Day of Resurrection:
“That Day shall a man flee from his brother,
And from his mother and his father,
And from his wife and his children.
Every man that Day will have enough to make him careless of others” [‘Abasa 80:34-37 – interpretation of the meaning]
Guardians, including fathers and brothers, must fear Allaah and not deny women their right to marry the one whose religious commitment and character is pleasing to them.
Yes, if a woman chooses someone whose religious commitment and character are not pleasing, then he (the father or guardian) may prevent her from marrying him. But if she chooses a righteous man whose religious commitment and character are good, then he prevents her from marrying because of his own whims and desires, this is haraam, by Allaah, and it is a sin and a betrayal. If any mischief results from this, the sin will be on him (the father).
Al-Liqa’ al-Shahri by Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (www.islam-qa.com)
#5
Posted 31 July 2003 - 03:21 PM
Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh,
Question:
I have a question for my friend. She is 17 years old and they just moved here from their home country and her guardians and mom want her to marry her cousin who lived in their same house back home but this girl really refuses to marry him because she dislikes for some reason and she is begging and crying in front of her mother not to make her marry him. This girl is saying she will not be happy with him
My question is does any girl have the RIGHT to say no for her marriage if she does not like the man? This girl is Islamic and going to school and she doesn't know anybody to talk to but she really doesn’t want to marry him and her mother is utterly pressuring her by telling her she will die and she will be destroyed if she doesn’t marry this guy and her mother is telling her that nobody will marry her because she is not beautiful and rich.
Sorry it was long question but please reply me as soon as possible.
Answer:
Al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah). This situation about which this sister is asking is a common one and occurs often as a result of a clash of desires between parents and their daughter. It could be for a benefit or interest the mother or father sees and the young woman doesn’t, and each regards the issue from a different perspective or with a particular consideration. And perhaps the opinion of the parents is the appropriate and correct one as a result of their prior trials and longer experience in life, and perhaps the woman sometimes looks to the appearance of the groom more than anything else, whereas the parents may look to other considerations, such as his family status, or his long-term career or employment. Of course none of this means that the woman’s opinion isn’t sometimes more correct and preferable, particularly when the opinion of the parents stems from a benefit they may realize if the marriage is accomplished, and they do not actually make the priority their daughter who is the most important thing in this issue. And while being vigilant in advising you of the importance of obeying one’s parents and struggling with oneself to realize their wishes and desires and giving their opinion the priority, the point must clearly be made that the following two hadeeth from the Prophet (peace be upon him) must be abided by and carried out, as within them are the complete answer to your question and questions from others in similar situations:
The first hadeeth:
If he whose character and deen (practice of religion) pleases you, approaches you in marriage, then marry him, for if you don’t, their will be fitna in the land and vast corruption. (Tirmidhi and others, see Sunan Tirmidhi #1085 and it is hassan (reliable) as per Sahih ul-Jaami’ #270). (“fitna” here can be understood to refer to the temptation for fornication, enmity and the cutting off of relations among the people and relatives, and the spreading of hatred)
The second:
Buraida (may Allah be pleased with him) said that a young woman came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son (i.e. her cousin) in order to raise his standing among the people,” so the Prophet (peace be upon him) put the matter in her hands (i.e. asserted that the validity of the marriage is conditioned on her approval and negated by her refusal). So she said, “I authorize and endorse what he has done but I wanted women to know that fathers cannot force their will in these matters.”
And it was narrated by Nisaa’I via Abdullah ibn Buraida via Aa’isha that a young woman came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his standing among the people and I am unwilling (to agree to it)”, so she said, “Sit until the Prophet (peace be upon him) comes.” So the Prophet (peace be upon him) came and she informed him of the situation, so he sent for her father and invited him (over) and asserted that the matter is in the bride’s hands. So she said, “Oh Prophet of Allah I have authorized and endorsed what my father has done, but I wanted to know if women had a say in the matter or not.” (Sunan al-Nisaa’I, Kitaab al-Nikaah min Sunanihi and it is sahih).
I ask Allah for you success and guidance to that in which there is blessings for you and your family, and may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our Prophet Muhammad .
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Question:
I have a question for my friend. She is 17 years old and they just moved here from their home country and her guardians and mom want her to marry her cousin who lived in their same house back home but this girl really refuses to marry him because she dislikes for some reason and she is begging and crying in front of her mother not to make her marry him. This girl is saying she will not be happy with him
My question is does any girl have the RIGHT to say no for her marriage if she does not like the man? This girl is Islamic and going to school and she doesn't know anybody to talk to but she really doesn’t want to marry him and her mother is utterly pressuring her by telling her she will die and she will be destroyed if she doesn’t marry this guy and her mother is telling her that nobody will marry her because she is not beautiful and rich.
Sorry it was long question but please reply me as soon as possible.
Answer:
Al-hamdu lillah (praise be to Allah). This situation about which this sister is asking is a common one and occurs often as a result of a clash of desires between parents and their daughter. It could be for a benefit or interest the mother or father sees and the young woman doesn’t, and each regards the issue from a different perspective or with a particular consideration. And perhaps the opinion of the parents is the appropriate and correct one as a result of their prior trials and longer experience in life, and perhaps the woman sometimes looks to the appearance of the groom more than anything else, whereas the parents may look to other considerations, such as his family status, or his long-term career or employment. Of course none of this means that the woman’s opinion isn’t sometimes more correct and preferable, particularly when the opinion of the parents stems from a benefit they may realize if the marriage is accomplished, and they do not actually make the priority their daughter who is the most important thing in this issue. And while being vigilant in advising you of the importance of obeying one’s parents and struggling with oneself to realize their wishes and desires and giving their opinion the priority, the point must clearly be made that the following two hadeeth from the Prophet (peace be upon him) must be abided by and carried out, as within them are the complete answer to your question and questions from others in similar situations:
The first hadeeth:
If he whose character and deen (practice of religion) pleases you, approaches you in marriage, then marry him, for if you don’t, their will be fitna in the land and vast corruption. (Tirmidhi and others, see Sunan Tirmidhi #1085 and it is hassan (reliable) as per Sahih ul-Jaami’ #270). (“fitna” here can be understood to refer to the temptation for fornication, enmity and the cutting off of relations among the people and relatives, and the spreading of hatred)
The second:
Buraida (may Allah be pleased with him) said that a young woman came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son (i.e. her cousin) in order to raise his standing among the people,” so the Prophet (peace be upon him) put the matter in her hands (i.e. asserted that the validity of the marriage is conditioned on her approval and negated by her refusal). So she said, “I authorize and endorse what he has done but I wanted women to know that fathers cannot force their will in these matters.”
And it was narrated by Nisaa’I via Abdullah ibn Buraida via Aa’isha that a young woman came to her and said, “My father married me to his brother’s son in order to raise his standing among the people and I am unwilling (to agree to it)”, so she said, “Sit until the Prophet (peace be upon him) comes.” So the Prophet (peace be upon him) came and she informed him of the situation, so he sent for her father and invited him (over) and asserted that the matter is in the bride’s hands. So she said, “Oh Prophet of Allah I have authorized and endorsed what my father has done, but I wanted to know if women had a say in the matter or not.” (Sunan al-Nisaa’I, Kitaab al-Nikaah min Sunanihi and it is sahih).
I ask Allah for you success and guidance to that in which there is blessings for you and your family, and may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon our Prophet Muhammad .
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
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