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How to answer to my non-muslim friend ?


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#1 Guest_Ayesha_Pak_*

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 03:05 AM

Assalamu Alaikum sisters,
    I am a muslim girl from Pakistan. I am moderate a muslim girl. I have a non-muslim friend. She was very intelligent. When we used to talk casually in leisure time, sometimes she used to make fun on our prophet(pbuh). She said our prophet married 6 year girl and married so many wives. And, She also said women are not treated well in Islam. Because of her, one of my friend has almost left Islam. I don't believe in what my non-muslim friend said about our beloved prophet(pbuh). But, sometimes i am confused and feel like what my non-muslim friend said could be true. Please guide me, how to answer to that non-muslim friend.

Allah Hafiz
Ayesha.

#2 Sister Kamillah

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 06:37 AM

asalamu alaikum,

This is very bad that this friend would tell you bad things about the Prophet Muhammad(peace and blessings be upon him) and this comes from lack of intelligence and lack of education about the world around her. She should look back in history and see that most people had many, many more wives than what Our Prophet(peace and blessings be upon him) took and Islam actually limited the number of wives a man could have.  If she is a Christian you can tell her that many Prophets that she recognizes in her faith had many, many more wives than the Prophet Muhammad had. I am thinking of Prophet Soloman, talk about how many wives this Great Prophet had.

The issue of Aisha being such a young age when the Prophet Muhammad(peace and blessings be upon him) married her was a protection for her.  It was in Allah's plan and the human being should not question what the Creator has ordained.The concept of childhood was not the same as it is today and it was common practice for young girls to be married early. This was a common practice is society at the time. The Prophet Muhammad did not consumate the marriage until Aisha reached puberty and girls that reach puberty were known as women not children anymore. Once the period(bleeding) started a women could conceive therefore she was a  considered a women. The love that Aisha shared with the Prophet can be shown in many ahadeeth and there marriage should not be talked ill about but should be used to show people how a husband and a wife should treat each other. Aisha has given us many details about her life with the Prophet(peace and blessings be upon him).

Yes the Prophet did have many wives and the Prophet Muhammad also had only one wife Khadeja for twenty-five years and it was not until after her death that he married the rest of His wives. They were needed for many different reason,such as bringing tribes together, for teaching the ummah, they all had great responsibility toward the Muslim Ummah. They are the mothers of the believers.

I would advise you that if your friend continues to speak badly about the Prophet Muhammad and you cannot do dawah to her. To drop her as your friend and find good muslimah's that can help you with your deen. And that can help you grow strong in your deen and to not doubt the religion of islam.

I hope this has helped you.
kamillah

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 08:05 AM

Assalamu Alaikum Sister kamillah !
    Thanks for your reply.
I've already told her about Prophet Solomon had so many wives, But she told solomon is not considerer as prophet. Solomon was just a king. And, Solomon was punished by Allah for his wrongdoing. She told "Prophet Mohammed(pbuh) was considered as a final prophet, noble man to entire man kind. So he should not have married so many wives including a 6 year girl". And, she told our beloved prophet(pbuh) also married his own daughter-in-law. And, she asked me "is your prophet a nobel man?". I don't know what to answer her. She is portraying our prophet in bad picture.

Please tell me, has our prophet(pbuh) really married 6 year old girl ? I am sure he has not. I want to know the truth. And, has our prophet(pbuh) really married his own dauther-in-law ? What is her name ? I am sure he has not. Our beloved prophet(pbuh) is a noble, morale man. Anyway, I want to know the truth.

And, she told our beloved prophet(pbuh) has not liked women, has suppressed and contempted women. I don't think it is true. Your opinions are badly needed.

Yes, She is a christian. She invited me to church. But, i didn't go. But, one of my another friend goes with her to church. I don't know what to do with her. Sometimes i want to go to church to learn more about christians. sometimes I don't want. I am confused. I want to cut my friendship with her. But, before that i should prove all these charges against our prophet are wrong.

Allah Hafiz
Ayesha.

#4 Nejwa

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 10:08 AM

Salaam Aliekum!

If you go to "the NEW MUSLIMS SISTER/NON MUSLIM" you can found a thread called "GREAT STORIES OF THE PROPHETS AND SAHABAHS" http://sisters.islamway.com/modules.php?na...131[/b][/color] maybe you can get some help there Insha-Allah.This thread tells little about Mohammed (saws)

If she is a Christian I can understand her.She have no knowlege and she belive only what she hear and maybe what shehave seen.Maybe if you show her some fatwas about womens rights in Islam maybe she soften Insha-Allah if she have the right heart.

I was like this when that was about women in Islam but then I begin to read a book.I saw then that alot of muslims not practise correct Islam.So I began to research and read more about Islam.

You can go tothe website jannah.org.There you can read much about women and Islam.

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#5 tygrss

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 02:45 PM

Assalamu alaykum.

Here's a good read about the subject. It helped me understand the subject when I first came to Islam. I've broken into three posts because the article is large.
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The Young Marriage of 'Aishah
Author:  AbdurRahman R. Squires

Last Update:  February 27th, 1999

In the Name of God, the All-Compassionate, the Merciful

    The marriage of the Prophet Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him to  'Aishah bint Abu Bakr when she was at quite a young age has been the focus of quite a bit of criticism in the West.  Unfortunately, in this Neo-Colonialist Age of  smart bombs, MTV, CNN and the Big Mac, some of those who profess to be Muslims have themselves become critics.  Many Muslims, faced with the juggernaut of allegedly "universal"  Western liberal values that have permeated almost everyone around them, sheepishly avoid discussion of such "embarrassing" Islamic issues.  It is a keenly true observation that even though the European powers have pulled their colonial armies out of Muslim lands and granted them "independence", an even worse plague continues.  This curse is "Colonialism of the Mind" and it is more dangerous since it is much more subtle.  Insha'llah, this article will be a contribution to making both Muslims and non-Muslims aware of not only the objective facts regarding the Prophet's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him marriage to 'Aishah, but how to understand it in light of Islam and life in the "modern" world.

    Regrettably, for those of us trying to spread the truth of Islam in the West, we often have to agree with the Orientalist W. Montgomery Watt when he wrote:  "Of all the world's great men none has been so much maligned as Muhammad."1  But here, for a change, were are dealing with something that is an authentic part of Islamic history, not an apocryphal or fabricated event that Westerners have been duped into believing is authentic, such as the so-called "Satanic Verses" incident.  That a man in his fifties would marry such a young girl—especially a man who is supposed to be a living example of piety—is not only difficult for many "modern" Westerners to come to terms with, but it has even gone so far as to stir up disgusting "sexual misconduct" charges amongst them.  In the face of such criticism, Muslims have not always reacted well.  In the past century, when so many Muslims were so "Westoxicated" and ready to monkey Europeans in almost anything, the usual reaction was to deny the sources that reported the alleged "embarrassing problem".  To Muslim "modernists", who argued that ONLY a legal ruling found in the Qur'an was Islamically valid, brushing aside this aspect of the Prophet's life was rather easy.  They simply denied that it had occurred and attacked the sources which reported it.  Fortunately for Muslims, the apologetics of these "Uncle Toms of Islam" has faded into the periphery to a large extent.  However, there are still many Muslims out there who try to get around what they see as a problem by ignoring authentic Islamic sources while claiming to be followers of the Ahl as-Sunnah. (which basically means "orthodox Sunni" Muslims, for those unfamiliar Islamic terminology).  Many other Muslims possibly wonder whether the story is authentic and how to understand it if it is.

THE ISLAMIC EVIDENCE OF 'AISHAH'S AGE

    Due to the apparent ignorance of many Muslims, possibly due to reading "modernist" apologetic literature like that mentioned above, a look at what the authentic sources of Islam say about the age at which 'Aishah  married the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him is in order. This way, before we move on to an analysis of the facts, we will first establish what the authentic Islamic facts are.  At this point, it should be mentioned that it is absolutely pointless from an Islamic standpoint to say that the age of 'Aishah is "not found in the Qur'an", since the textual sources of Islam are made up of BOTH the Qur'an and the Sunnah - and the Qur'an tells us that.  For those wanting (or needing) to learn more about the status of the Sunnah in Islam, please read An Introduction to the Sunnah and/or The Sunnah and Its Position in Islamic Law.   Now in regards to what the authentic Islamic sources actually say, it may come as a disappointment to some "modern" and "cultured" Muslims that there are four ahadith in Saheeh al-Bukhari and three ahadith in Saheeh Muslim which clearly state that 'Aishah was "nine years old"  at the time that her marriage was consummated with the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him.  These ahadith, with only slight variation, read as follows:

        'Aishah, may God be pleased with her, narrated that the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him was betrothed (zawaj) to her when she was six years old and he consummated (nikah) his marriage when she was nine years old, and then she remained with him for nine years.  (Saheeh al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 64)

    Of the four ahadith in Saheeh al-Bukhari, two were narrated from 'Aishah (7:64 and  7:65), one from Abu Hishaam (5:236) and one via  'Ursa (7:88).   All three of the ahadith in Saheeh Muslim have 'Aishah as a narrator.  Additionally, all of the ahadith in both books agree that the marriage betrothal contract took place when 'Aishah was "six years old", but was not consummated until she was "nine years old".  Additionally, a hadeeth with basically the same text (matn) is reported in Sunan Abu Dawood.  Needless to say, this evidence is—Islamically speaking—overwhelmingly strong and Muslims who deny it do so only by sacrificing their intellectual honesty, pure faith or both.

    This evidence having been established, there doesn't seem much room for debate about 'Aishah's age amongst believing Muslims. Until someone proves that in the Arabic language "nine years old" means something other than "nine years old", then we should all be firm in our belief that she was "nine years old"  (as if there's a reason or need to believe otherwise!?!).  In spite of these facts, there are still some Muslim authors that have somehow (?) managed to push 'Aishah's age out to as far as "fourteen or fifteen years old" at the time of her marriage to the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him.  It should come as no surprise, however, that none of them ever offer any proof, evidence or references for their opinions.  This can be said with the utmost confidence, since certainly none of them can produce sources more authentic than the hadeeth collections of Imams al-Bukhari and Muslim!  Based on the research that I've done, I feel that there is a common source for those who claim that 'Aishah's age was "fourteen or fifteen years old" at the time of the marriage.  This source is "The Biographies of Prominent Muslims" which is published in book form, on CD-ROM and is posted in several places on the Internet.  Just another example of why going to the sources is important . . .

THE PROPHET'S May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him MARRIAGES IN PERSPECTIVE

    To put all of this in perspective—hopefully without undue apologetics—the first thing that one should be aware of is that 'Aishah was the third wife of the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him, not the first.  Prior to this, the Prophet's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him first and only wife for twenty-four years was Khadijah bint al-Khuwaylid, who was about nineteen years older than him.  He married Khadijah when she was forty and he was twenty-one—which might be called the years of a male's "sexual prime"—and stayed married ONLY to her until her death.   Just after Khadijah's death, when he was round forty-six years old, the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him married his second wife Sawdah bint Zam'ah.  It was after this second marriage that the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him became betrothed to 'Aishah, may God be pleased with her.  She was the daughter of Abu Bakr, one of the Prophet's closest friends and devoted followers.  Abu Bakr, may God be pleased with him, was one of the earliest converts to Islam and hoped to solidify the deep love that existed between himself and the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him by uniting their families in marriage.  The betrothal of Abu Bakr's daughter 'Aishah to Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him, took place in the eleventh year of Muhammad's prophethood, which was about a year after he had married Sawdah bint Zam'ah and before he made his hijra (migration) to al-Madinah (Yathrib).    As mentioned above, the marriage with 'Aishah bint Abu Bakr was consummated in Shawwal, which came seven months after the Prophet's hijra from Makkah to al-Medinah.  At the time of his marriage to ''Aishah, the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him was over fifty years old.

    It should be noted that the Prophet's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him marriage to 'Aishah was an exceedingly happy one for both parties, as the hadeeth literature attests.  'Aishah, may God be please with her, was his favourite wife and the only virgin that he ever married.  After emigrating to al-Madinah, Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him married numerous other wives, eventually totalling fifteen in his lifetime.   Even though we do not have time to go into the details of each one of them here, each of these marriages was done either for political reasons, to strengthen the ties of kinship or to help a woman in need.  Quite a few of the wives were widows, older women or had been abandoned and thus were in need of a home.  Additionally, it should be mentioned that the same collection of Muslim hadeeth literature that tells us that 'Aishah was only nine years old at the time of the marriage tells us that the marriage was Divinely ordained:

        Narrated 'Aishah, may God be pleased with her:  The Messenger of God May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him said (to me):  "You have been shown to me twice in (my) dreams. A man was carrying you in a silken cloth and said to me, 'This is your wife.' I uncovered it; and behold, it was you. I said to myself, 'If this dream is from God, He will cause it to come true.'" (Saheeh Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 15)

    Thus like everything that the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him did, there was wisdom behind it and lessons to be learned from it.  The wisdom behind such incidents provides us guidance on the basis of human morality, exposes the double standards of misguided hypocrites from other religions that criticize Islam and much more.  But more on that subject below. . .

continued in next post

#6 tygrss

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 02:46 PM

Assalamu alaykum-cont
------------------
CRITICISM ADDRESSED AND ENTERTAINED

    Myself and many other Muslims should no longer be surprised by the double standards that Christians display when they criticize the conduct of Prophet Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him , since we've heard it for so long.  To have an atheist, agnostic—or anyone else who does not believe in a Divinely revealed basis for morality—criticize something that is "politically incorrect" by today's moral standards comes as no surprise.  Such people will always find something to criticize, since they simply have a bone to pick with "religion" in general.  All of this "absolute morality" talk gets in the way of them having a good time, so they want to mock it, discredit it and do away with it. The criticism of Christians, however, is another matter.  While it is true that Christians speak out against the "moral relativity" which is spreading amongst the increasingly secular society today, they too are unconscious victims of it.    The values of most Christians today come from the humanist values of Western Europe (or, at a minimum, are heavily influenced by them).  Their values DO NOT come straight out of the Bible—in theory or in practice—regardless of what they may claim.  That Christians today try to take credit for the so-called "Freedom", "Human Rights", "Democracy" and "Women's Rights" in Europe and America is nothing short of a joke.  It may impress uneducated people in so-called Third World countries, but anyone who has studied history knows that these things came about in spite of the Church, not because of it.  The way in which many Christians uncritically mix non-Christian values with (allegedly) Biblical values has always fascinated me.  One interesting example of this is how nationalism and patriotism are supported amongst the majority of Evangelical Protestant (and even other) Christians in the United States.   In America, good Christians are flag wavers.  Few, if any, of these fiercely patriotic minds ever seem to realize that narrow-minded patriotism is, at its core, both selfish and non-universal.  That patriotism and Christianity go hand-in-hand in the minds of many people is just an example of how we can be blindly sucked into "moral relativism" without even realizing it.

    According to Judaism, Christianity and Islam, right and wrong are ordained by Almighty God. As such, morality does not change over time based on our whims, desires or cultural sensitivities. In cultures where there is no Divinely revealed ruling on an issue, what is right and what is wrong is determined by cultural norms. In such cases, a person would only be considered "immoral" if they violated the accepted norms of their society. As we will demonstrate, the Prophet Muhammad's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him marriage to 'Aishah, viewed both in the light of Absolute Morality and the cultural norms of his time, was not an immoral act, but was an act containing valuable lessons for generations to come. Additionally, this marriage followed the norms for all Semitic peoples, including those of Biblical times. Based on this, and other information that we will provide below, it is grossly hypocritical for Christians to criticise the Prophet's  May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him marriage to 'Aishah at such a young age. In case Christian readers are under the false impression that their values today are timeless and somehow reflect those of Biblical times, please consider the following points which are directly related to the question of at what age a person is properly ready to be married:

        * Keeping in mind the ideas of "political correctness" and "absolute morality", in Biblical times the age at which a girl could marry was puberty.  However, during the Middle Ages it was usually twelve years old.  Now in most "Christian" countries it is between fourteen and sixteen years old.  I live in country where some states allow partners of the same sex to legally marry, but consider an eighteen year old boy who sleeps with a sixteen year old girl a "statutory rapist".   So even though Christians might disagree with much of what is becoming all too prevalent in Western society today—whether it be drug abuse, gay marriages or abortion—they too have been swallowed up (possibly unknowingly) by the ugly monster of "moral relativism". Certainly, they might be giving in less quickly than people who do not believe in a Divine basis for morality, but they're giving in nonetheless.
        * Historically, the age at which a girl was considered ready to be married has been puberty.  This was the case in Biblical times, as we will discuss below, and is still used to determine the age of marriage in what the culturally arrogant West calls "primitive societies" throughout the world.  As the ahadith about 'Aishah's age show, her betrothal took place at least three years before the consummation of the marriage. The reason for this was that they were waiting for her to come of age (i.e. to have her first menstrual period).  Puberty is a biological sign which shows that a women is capable of bearing children.  Can anyone logically deny this?  Part of the wisdom behind the Prophet's Muhammad's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him marriage to 'Aishah just after she reached puberty is to firmly establish this as a point of Islamic Law, even though it was already cultural norm in all Semitic societies (including the one Jesus  grew up in).  The large majority of Islamic jurists say that the earliest time which a marriage can be consummated is at the onset of sexual maturity (bulugh), meaning puberty.  Since this was the norm of all Semitic cultures and it still is the norm of many cultures today—it is certainly not something that Islam invented. However, widespread opposition to such a Divinely revealed and accepted historical norm is certainly something that is relatively new!
        * The criticism of Muhammad's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him marriage to 'Aishah is something relatively new in that it grew up out of the values of "Post Enlightenment" Europe. This was a Europe that had abandoned (or at least modified) its religious morality for a new set of humanist values where people used their own opinions to determine what was right and wrong.  It is interesting to note that Christians from a very early time criticized (again hypocritically) the Prophet's practice May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him of polygamy, but not the marriage to 'Aishah.  Certainly, those from a Middle Eastern Semitic background would not have found anything to criticize, since nothing abnormal or immoral took place.  It was European Christians who began to criticize Muhammad on this point, not ones who were in touch with their Semitic roots.
        * It is upon reaching the age of puberty that a person, man or woman, becomes legally responsible under Islamic Law.  At this point, they are allowed to make their own decisions and are held accountable for their actions.  It should also be mentioned that in Islam, it is unlawful to force someone to marry someone that they do not want to marry.  The evidence shows that 'Aishah's marriage to the Prophet Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him was one which both parties and their families agreed upon.  Based on the culture at that time, no one saw anything wrong with it.  On the contrary, they were all happy about it.
        * None of the Muslim sources report that anyone from the society at that time criticized this marriage due to 'Aishah's young age.  On the contrary, the marriage of 'Aishah to the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him was encouraged by 'Aishah's father, Abu Bakr, and was welcomed by the community at large.  It is reported that women who wanted to help the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him, such as Khawlah bint al-Hakeem, encouraged him to marry the young  'Aishah.  Due to the Semitic culture in which they lived, they certainly saw nothing wrong with such a marriage.
        * Society's ideas of love, family and marriage are much different in the so-called "modern" and "civilized" West of today than they were in Biblical or Qur'anic times.  Unfortunately, many of us carry the baggage of "romantic love" and ideas about sex that have managed to poison our minds since the Europeans (and their ideas) came to dominate the globe. These ideas have not only penetrated into the minds of Muslims, but actually permeate many of them.  The European colonial powers have pulled out of almost all Muslim lands, but the colonization of the minds continues!  As we mentioned above, the sad part is that most people do not even realize that they are under such un-Godly influences.  Just to reference the way things have changed, a statement in The New Encyclopaedia Britannica makes it clear that values regarding the proper age of marriage have been changing over the years:  ". . . in the United States and parts of Europe the association of adult status with sexual maturity as expressed in the term puberty rites has been unwelcome".2
        *  The significance that sex and sexuality are thought to play in human psychology has its roots in Freudian thought.  Even though many of Freud's ideas are being heavily challenged today, many of his ideas still play a role in the thinking of many people.  Sigmund Freud (1856-1939) taught that humans are basically "sexual beings" whose childhood sexual urges are the key to understanding their behaviour.  He developed the methodology of psychoanalysis and his ideas on sex, repressed guilt and sexuality, the subconscious sex drive, the Oedipus complex and other ideas have come to almost haunt the Western view of sexuality (almost as much as the repressive views of the Roman Catholic Church).  Needless to say, Freud's ideas have been criticized by believing Jews, Christians and Muslims since they basically deny human moral responsibility.  In Freud's view of things, human beings are prisoners to the effects of unconscious forces and their sex drive.   Such ideas are always welcomed by "liberals", "humanists" and others like them.  The point of all this in regards to young marriage, however, might be less clear.  What needs to be pointed out is the contradictory "modern" Western view of sexuality.  They are taken aback by the thought of marriage at the age of puberty, even though it's an age old custom.  However, they have junior high schools where sex education is taught and a society where sexually permiscuous "dating" is considered the norm.  Sometime sex is simply a natural pleasure to be enjoyed, but at other times it is a psychological demon of far reaching consequences. In short, everything from their private lives to their court systems, have fallen victim to the moral relativity of the psychiatrists and psychologists.  The attitude that any experience in life can be seen as some sort of "trauma" is very widespread. Many people go through life constantly obsessed about what sort of "complex" they may be suffering from due to experiences they've had in their relatively normal life. The morality which is produced by such attitudes all but does away with human responsibility. People who are guilty of serious crimes, instead of being held responsible for their actions, are themselves considered "victims", since they are only doing what their psychological makeup causes them to do.

PUBERTY = MATURITY = MARRIAGE

    The above points having been presented, some additional details on a few of them is worthwhile.  An interesting article on the age at which people married in Biblical times is Ancient Israelite Marriage Customs, by Jim West, ThD—a Baptist minister.  This article states that:

        "The wife was to be taken from within the larger family circle (usually at the outset of puberty or around the age of 13) in order to maintain the purity of the family line;"

    This is just one reference to the fact that the onset of puberty was considered the age at which young people could marry.   That people in Biblical times married at an early age is widely endorsed.  While discussing the meaning of the word 'almah, which is the Hebrew word for "young woman" or "adolescent female", Gerald Segal says:

    "It should be noted, however, that in biblical times females married at an early age".3

   In spite of its somewhat arrogant Western talk of "primitive cultures",  An Overview of the World's Religions makes it clear that puberty is an age old symbol of adulthood:

        "Almost all primitive cultures pay attention to puberty and marriage rituals, although there is a general tendency to pay more attention to the puberty rites of males than of females.  Because puberty and marriage symbolize the fact that children are acquiring adult roles, most primitive cultures consider the rituals surrounding these events very important.  Puberty rituals are often accompanied with ceremonial circumcision or some other operation on the male genitals.  Female circumcision is less common, although it occurs in several cultures.  Female puberty rites are more often related to the commencement of the menstrual cycle in young girls."

    Some female authors agree:

        "Puberty is defined as the age or period at which a person is first capable of sexual reproduction, in other eras of history, a rite or celebration of this landmark event was a part of the culture." (Rites of Passage:  Puberty, by Sue Curewitz Arthen)

        "Getting your period" marks a rite of passage for young girls entering womanhood  (From the Women's Resource Center)

    Another contemporary reference relating marriage age to  puberty is an article on Central Africa, which says:   ". . . women marry soon after puberty"4. The previous quotations, and plenty of others which were not used, should prove to any intelligent person what anthropologists and historians already know:  in centuries past, people were considered ready for marriage when they reached puberty.

    It should be mentioned that from an Islamic point of view, many problems in society today can be traced back to the abandonment of early marriage.  Due to the way that Almighty God has created man and woman, i.e. with strong sexual desires, people should marry young. In the past, this was even more true since life expectancy was very low (i.e. you were considered "old" if you made it to 40!).   Not only does marriage provide a legal outlet for people with strong sexual desires, but it usually produces more children.  One of the main purposes of marriage is to produce children—"be fruitful and multiply" as the Bible says (Genesis 8:17).  This was especially important in the past, when people did not live for as long as they do now and the infant morality rate was much higher.

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#7 tygrss

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 02:47 PM

THE AGE OF PUBERTY

    Even though we have established that puberty has been the historical, cultural and religious norm for indicating readiness for marriage, some may wonder at which age puberty normally takes place.  This is somewhat meaningless in regards to our specific discussion of Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him and 'Aishah, since the hadith literature makes it clear that she had reached puberty.  However, in regards to puberty and at what age most girls have their first menstrual cycle,  'Abdul-Hamid Siddiqi says:

        Islam has laid down no age limit for puberty for it varies with countries and races due to the climate, hereditary, physical and social conditions.  Those who live in cold regions attain puberty at a much later age as compared with those living in hot regions where both male and female attain it at a quite early age. "The average temperature of the country or province," say the well-known authors of the book Woman, "is considered the chief factor here, not only with regard to menstruation but as regards the whole of sexual development at puberty."5  Raciborski, Jaubert, Routh and many others have collected and collated statistics on the subject to which readers are referred.  Marie Espino has summarised some of these data as follows:  (a)  The limit of age for the first appearance of menstruation is between nine and twenty-four in the temperate-zone; (cool.gif The average age varies widely and it ay be accepted as established that the nearer the Equator, the earlier the average age for menstruation.6

    Additionally, an article entitled Puberty in Girls by an Australian government Public Health organization, says: "The first sign of puberty is usually a surge of growth: you become taller; your breasts develop; hair begins to grow in the pubic area and under the arms. This may start from 10 years to 14 years - even earlier for some and later for others." An article Physical Changes in Girls During Puberty has this to say:

        "During puberty, a girl's body changes, inside and out, into the body of a woman. The changes don't come all at once, and they don't happen at the same time for everybody. Most girls start showing physical changes around age 11, but everyone has her own internal schedule for development. It's normal for changes to start as early as 8 or 9 years of age, or not until 13 or 14. Even if nothing looks or feels different yet, the changes may have already begun inside your body."

    Many will readily agree with the information above, but still may harbour reservations about whether a marriage to an older man could be happy for such a young girl.  Putting aside the modern Western notions of "happiness" for a moment,  the marriage of  'Aishah and the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him was a mutually happy and loving one as in expressed in numerous hadeeth and seerah books.  That happy marriages occur between people with a fairly large difference in ages is known among psychologists:

        "When the differences (in ages) is great, e.g. exceeds fifteen to twenty years, the results may be happier.  The marriage of an elderly (senescent) not, of course, an old (senile) man to a quite young girl, is often very successful and harmonious.  The bride is immediately introduced and accustomed to moderate sexual intercourse" 7

MORE WISDOM BEHIND IT

    In his comments on the ahadith in Sahih Muslim which mention 'Aishah's young marriage to the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him, 'Abdul-Hamid Siddiqi shows points three other reasons for this marriage:

     # 'Aishah's marriage to the Prophet Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him at an early age allowed her to be an eye witness to the personal details of his life and carry them on the succeeding generations. By being both spiritually and physically near to the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him , the marriage prepared 'Aishah to be an example to all Muslims, especially women, for all times.  She developed into a  spiritual, teacher and scholar, since she was remarkably intelligent and wise.  Her qualities helped support the Prophet's work and further the cause of Islam.  'Aishah, the Mother of the Believers, was not only a model for wives and mothers, but she was also a commentator on the Qur'an, an authority on hadeeth and knowledgeable in Islamic Law.  She narrated at least 2,210 ahadith that give Muslims valuable insights into the Final Prophet's daily life and behaviour, thus preserving the Sunnah of Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him.
      # At that time, this marriage refuted the notion that a man could not marry the daughter of a man who he had declared to be his "brother" (even in the religious sense).  Since the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him and Abu Bakr had declared each other to be "brothers", this notion was done away with.  This is demonstrated in the following hadeeth:

            Narrated 'Ursa:  The Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him asked Abu Bakr for 'Aishah's hand in marriage. Abu Bakr said,  "But I am your brother." The Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him said, "You are my brother in God's religion and His Book, but she ('Aishah) is lawful for me to marry." (Saheeh al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 18)

      # The marriage did away with the pagan Arab superstition that it was a bad omen to be married in the month of Shawwal.  They thought that the month carried this omen since the word Shawwal was derived from Shaala, which itself was believed to carry a bad omen.  The authentic ahadith indicate that the Prophet May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him and 'Aishah were married in this lunar month.

NOT MUCH ADO BACK THEN

    Above, we established that fact that getting married at puberty was an accepted practice amongst not only today's "primitive cultures", but specifically amongst the Semitic (i.e. Hebrew, Arab, Syriac, etc.) peoples of the Middle East.  In order to provide additional proof that Muhammad's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him marriage to 'Aishah did not raise any eyebrows at that time, I here submit quotations from two Western female scholars who have studied Islam in detail:

        "It is not clear just when the marriage actually took place.  According to some versions, it was in the month of Shawwal of the Year 1, that is, some seven or eight months after the arrival at Medina; but, according to others, it was not until after the Battle of Badr, that is, in Shawwal of the second year of the Hijrah.  In no version is there any comment made on the disparity of the ages between Mohammed and Aishah or on the tender age of the bride who, at the most, could not have been over ten years old and who was still much enamoured with her play."8

    In the above quotation, the sources which are given for the latter date are "Nawawi" and "Tabari".  Both Imams al-Nawawi and al-Tabari were great Muslim scholars, but their works contain material that is less than authentic by Islamic standards, which is probably the reason over her questioning which date is authentic.  This is all beside the point, since we've already shown that authentic Islamic sources state that 'Aishah, may God be pleased with her, was "nine years old".  The main point to note is that in "no version" was any comment made on their age difference or on 'Aishah's young age.  Why?  Such an early marriage was normal in all Semitic societies - such as the ones that Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad grew up in!

    Another author, Karen Armstrong, has this to add:  "Tabari says that she was so young that she stayed in her parents' home and the marriage was consummated there later when she had reached puberty".9  This further establishes that the marriage took place at puberty and that, as such, no eyebrows were raised.  "Tabari", it should be mentioned, refers to Abu Jafar Muhammad ibn Jareer al-Tabari (225-310 AH / 839-923 CE), who was a great Muslim scholar who is well known in the West for his Qur'anic commentary and history of the world.

    It is no surprise that both of the above authors agree on the fact that the marriage of 'Aishah and Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him  took place when the former had reached puberty and that this was normal at the time.  This is no surprise, since anyone who studies the Muslim sources and Semitic culture would be forced to come to the same conclusion, since it is simply a historical fact.  It should be pointed out that both of the above quoted female authors do not hesitate to misrepresent Islam (intentionally or unintentionally) in their other writings.  Suffice it to say that if there was some other "damaging" information available, they would not hesistate to bring it to light.  Nabia Abbott, who has done some useful research on Islam in some areas, was basically an "Orientalist" in the classic sense.  Her book which was quoted above, Aishah-The Beloved of Mohammed, is actually nothing but a disgusting second-guessing of  'Aishah's life.  If a book with a similar mix of speculation and inauthentic sources were written about someone of significance in the West, it certainly would not be sitting on scholarly bookshelves.  It's has long been established that Orientalists with a bone to pick with Islam liked to decide on the authenticity of a story based on their pre-conceived notions.  If an inauthentic story seemed to belittle the Prophet of Islam, it became oft quoted.  However, any authentic material that contradicted their theories was simply ignored.  It's analogous to writing a historical biography of Jesus and using quotations from apocryphal gospels to override the Canonical ones whenever whimsically deemed appropriate.  This is how Orientalists and Christian missionaries have been treating Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him for centuries.  For those who want to know more about this, please read our article Orientalism, Misinformation and Islam.

SO WHAT'S THE VERDICT?

    Overcoming cultural bias or admitting your own double standards is not always easy.  For some people, it takes years for them to admit that they've been hypocritical. Hopefully, the thoughts presented here will plant the seed of reflection in some people so that they may reflect on the truth.  Admitting that there's a problem is often half the battle, so before the reader heads off to make a final personal judgement on where they stand on this issue, I want to provide some more food for thought.  Montgomery Watt, a long time scholar of Islam, had some choice words on how the West should judge Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him.  I have never agreed with many of Watt's conclusions about Islam, but I have always viewed him as one of the more open-minded and open-hearted Orientalist scholars.  Possibly, this is because he was more of a promoter of understanding than a narrow-minded Christian missionary.  Years of studying Islam brought Watt to this conclusion:

        "The other main allegations of moral defect in Muhammad are that he was treacherous and lustful . . . Sufficient has been said above about the interpretation of these events to show that the case against Muhammad is much weaker than is sometimes thought. The discussions of these allegations, however, raises a fundamental question. How are we to judge Muhammad ?  By the standards of his own time and country ?  Or by those of the most enlightened opinion in the West today?  When the sources are closely scrutinized, it is clear that those of Muhammad's actions which are disapproved by the modern West were not the object of the moral criticism of his contemporaries. They criticized some of his acts, but their motives were superstitious prejudice or fear of the consequences.  If they criticized the events at Nakhlah, it was because they feared some punishment from the offended pagan gods or the worldly vengeance of the Meccans.  If they were amazed at the mass execution of the Jews of the clan of Qurayzah, it was at the number and danger of the blood-feuds incurred.  The marriage with Zaynab seemed incestuous, but this conception of incest was bound up with old practices belonging to a lower, communalistic level of familial institutions where a child's paternity was not definitely known; and this lower level was in process being eliminated by Islam . . . From the standpoint of Muhammad's time, then, the allegations of treachery and sensuality cannot be maintained.  His contemporaries did not find him morally defective in any way. On the contrary, some of the acts criticized by the modern Westerner show that Muhammad's standards were higher than those of his time.  In his day and generation he was a social reformer, even a reformer in the sphere of morals. He created a new system of social security and a new family structure, both of which were a vast improvement on what went before. By taking what was best in the morality of the nomad and adapting it for settled communities, he established a religious and social framework for the life of many races of men. That is not the work of a traitor or 'an old lecher'."10

FROM ABRAHAM  TO "PICK-AND-CHOOSE / FEEL GOOD RELIGION"

    Everything that we have discussed above logically frees Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him from the unjust criticism that he has received (at least amongst those who can be intellectually honest and fair-minided).  One point, however, still needs to be made a bit more clear.  Even though we've mentioned it in passing, the hypocrisy and double standards of Christians who criticize Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him for his morality needs to be more thoroughly analysed and exposed.

    Before moving on to an analysis of Biblical morality, I would like to offer some advice and encouraging words to my fellow Muslims. My main piece of advice is to not be discouraged by slanderous attacks on Islam or how it is distorted in the media.  Certainly, we all hate to see such things occur, but in the "Information Age" which was brought about by a culture that (allegedly) places a supreme value on freedom of speech, there is not much that we can do to stop it. The flip side to this coin is the fact that the Truth of Islam is still out there and people are finding it. Yes, Islam is spreading in spite of these hypocritical methods that Christians and others are using to stop it. From the "moon god" lies of Robert Morey to the almost daily distortions in the media, Islam is still spreading in the West.  Actually, the fact that those who make a career out of attacking Islam, such as Christian missionaries, have to resort to lies and distortions when they discuss Islam is a good sign.  Certainly, if they discussed Islam as it was meant to be understood, they would only be hurting their own cause.  When Islam is presented by non-Muslims in the West, usually matters of peripheral importance are addressed and criticised. The core beliefs of Islam, if discussed at all, are presented in a distorted manner. If Islam was just some ridiculous "Third World" religion with no appeal, they would not have to treat it this way. As a matter of fact, a great deal of the anti-Islamic literature that fills Christian bookstores (and the Internet) is not designed to convert Muslims, but to turn Westerners off to Islam. The people who write these lies are just trying to poison the minds of people so that they won't be receptive to the message of Islam when they hear it.

    Their methods, however, are failing.  In Europe especially, the Christian religion is in a  severe state of stagnation and people are looking for truth elsewhere. Christians have always been embarrassed by their almost complete inability to convert a notable Muslim to Christianity. Certainly, they have their converts that they hold up as examples, however all of them seem to have been only nominal Muslims (at best) when they converted. However, many notable Westerners have embraced Islam, recently as well as in the past. One of the most interesting things about this is many (if not all) of these people could be called "Searchers for the Truth". By this I mean that they were the type of people who were spiritual, open-mined and read books on many subjects. They were not brainwashed simpletons who simply wanted to join an easy religion and the dominating culture of the time. They were people who knew a lot not only about religion, but about history, philosophy and other disciplines. Suffice it to say that the truth of Islam is out there, in spite of all the negative press that it gets today. The following is just one testimony that Islam is spreading in the West:

        "Unprecedented numbers of British people, nearly all of them women, are converting to Islam at a time of deep divisions within the Anglican and Catholic churches.  The rate of conversions has prompted predictions that Islam will rapidly become an important religious force in this country . . . Within the next 20 years the number of British converts will equal or overtake the immigrant Muslim community that brought the faith here", says Rose Kendrick, a religious education teacher at a Hull comprehensive and the author of a textbook guide to the Koran. She says: "Islam is as much a world faith as is Roman Catholicism. No one nationality claims it as its own". Islam is also spreading fast on the continent and in America.  (The Times , London, Tuesday, November 9th, 1993,  Home-News page)

    Thanks be to God that many of us who are former "pew warmers" finally decided to go out and investigate what they try to spoon feed us from the pulpit and TV.  Why does Islam succeed in attracting Christians and others?  Because it's the Clear Way of Abraham.  No other religion today can honestly claim this!  Islam isn't just a "feel good" religion where they just tell you what you want to hear and read selected verses from the Bible. Most Christians today approach religion like they do Sunday brunch: they take what they like and leave what they don't like.  They have this attitude in spite of the fact that Abraham is held up in their Bible as a towering example of faith.  Abraham Peace be upon him , who was going to sacrifice his own son because Almighty God commanded it, certainly knew the basis of morality.  It is clear in both the Bible and the Qur'an that Abraham knew that whatever God commands is the right thing to do.  However, how many Christians today can say that they honestly believe that on all issues? How many of them have reflected on the moral ramifications of what is contained in their Bible? Seemingly, not even their learned apologists who attack Islam have reflected on it too deeply!

    The question "What is our basis for morality?" is an easy one for those who follow the faith of Abraham Peace be upon him—and that's what Islam is.  Islam is submission to the Will of Almighty God - "We hear and we obey"- the faith of our father Abraham.  If it was good enough for Abraham, Moses, Jesus and Muhammad, then it's good enough for me! It is this truth and this attitude that attracts people to Islam. The entire basis of Islam, which produces this attitude, is Unity—the Unity of Almighty God and the unity of mankind.  To be sure, the message of Islam appeals to the very nature of man. No wonder it is spreading! A Christian theologion, relatively recently, observed:

    "It is probable that early in the twenty-first century Islam
    will have become numerically the largest of the world religions" 11

    Quite possibly, if you count only Sunni Muslims (which are at least 85% of Muslims), we are already the largest religion in the world when compared not to "Christians" as a whole, but to either the Orthodox, Roman Catholics or Protestants each separately.

A CASE STUDY IN BIBLICAL MORALITY

    Now that we've taken an detailed look at an alleged moral difficulty in the life of Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him, for the sake of balance, let's take a look at a moral difficulty in the Bible.  We've already made statements above concerning the nature of Biblical morality, but many readers may be unaware of some of its "difficulties". For better or for worse, in Sunday school they generally skip the verses which we are going to deal with below. However, these verses certainly are useful tools in putting intellectually honest Christians in the same "moral dilemna" that they think Muslims should be in due to Muhammad's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him young marriage to 'Aishah, may God be pleased with her. It should be kept in mind that the purpose of this discussion is the basis for morality, not the inspiration of the Bible (or lack thereof). For the purposes of this discussion, we accept the Bible "as is". However, this should not be interpretted to mean that we are endorsing it as the "Word of God" in toto. On the other hand, it should not be interpreted to mean that we are attacking the "Word of God", since we are discussing it simply because Christians consider it to be the "Word of God" (whatever their particular definition might be). For those wanting more detailed information on the Muslim view of the Bible, please click here.

    The portion of the Bible that we want to look at begins with the Book of Numbers, Chapter 31, verses 17 and 18. Here, Moses, following the Lord's command, orders the Israelites to kill all the Midianite male children. The order continues with the following:

    ". . . kill every woman who has known man by lying with him,
    but all the female children, that have not known a man by lying with him,
    keep alive for yourselves."

    One can only guess how the Israelites determined who the virgins were.  Most probably, they did it based on age and maturity, assuming that all of the female "children" who had not reached puberty were virgins.  Keep in mind that this was done, according to the Bible, on God's command to "Avenge the Israelites on the Midianites". Later, God gives Moses instructions on how to divide up the booty, "whether persons, oxen, donkeys, sheeps or goats". Based on this command, "thirty-two thousand persons in all, women who had not known a man by lying with him" were divided up. This was done so that the Israelite soldiers could have these young girls "for themselves". I do not suspect that anyone reading this is either so naive or ignorant of King James English to not know what this means!

    Moving along to another great example of Biblical morality, . . . in Deuteronomy 21:10-14 the Biblical "God of Love" gives the following command:

        "When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the Lord thy God hath delivered them into thine hands and thoust has taken them captive, and seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and have a desire unto her, that though would have her to be thy wife, then though shalt bring her home to thine house . . . and after that you may go into her and be her husband, and she shall be your wife. But if though have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go".

    This should serve as sufficient proof that the morality that is taught in the Bible often is not what Christians make it out to be. In spite of what they teach in Sunday school, the above mentioned verses demonstrate the following:

        Almighty God, at least according to the Bible:
        * Ordered innocent babies to be killed; and
        * He allowed young women to be forced into sex against their will.

    Before moving on, it should be noted that killing women and children in war is never permitted under Islamic Law (the actions of some ignorant Muslims around the world notwithstanding).  Some Christians may take issue with the words "innocent babies" above, since they believe that even babies are tainted with "Original Sin".  However, this is not the topic of the discussion at hand. Suffice it to say that Biblical support for the Doctrine of Original Sin is contradictory at best. There are some verses that seem to support it, but there are others that seem to clearly deny it. One strike against "Original Sin", besides the fact that it's simply unjust, is the fact that the Jews—who read the Old Testament—never belived in it the way Chrisitnas do. But anyway . . . when faced with the problematic parts of the Old Testatment, Christians react in various ways. Many offer up the ill thoughtout "Well-That's-in-the-Old-Testament" defense.  In spite of the fact that they usually don't brush the Old Testament aside so quickly when they are being shown alleged prophecies which match Jesus, a few other thoughts can be presented. Some of the things that make brushing aside the Old Tesament a bit more difficult (at least for Christians who want to remain intellectually honest) are: 1) the same God that "inspired" the Old Testament "inspired" the New Testament; 2) this same God is "unchanging" according to the Bible; 3) Jesus in the New Testament endorses the "Law and the prophets" (i.e. the Old Testament) in several places; and 4) without the Old Testament there is no basis for Christianity.

    When put in this predicament, Christians, have one of two choices: 1) stop thinking about it and fall back on a liberal "pick-and-choose" religion that just makes them "feel good" but does not answer any of life's more difficult questions; or 2) accept the (allegedly) Divinely Revealed morality of the Bible "as is" and en toto.

    There are Christians out there who claim to accept the Divinely Revealed morality of the Bible. They understand what's at stake and the issues at hand. If people are allowed to whimsically decide what is right and what is wrong, there would be chaos. Just as importantly, if people decide what is "God's Word" and what is not His word based on their preconceived notions and "modern" sensibilities, nothing would be left of the Bible. As such, there are Christians who, in principle, say that killing babies is "moral" as long as God clearly commands it.  For someone who understands the nature of Divinely Revealed morality, we would have to agree in principle but with certain reservations. As mentioned above, Almighty God—according to Islam—never commands the killing of innocent children. That is one "difficulty" that I am glad that Muslims don't have to explain their way out of! Killing babies is okay as long as God commands it!?! So much for having Christians as baby-sitters!

    The bottom line is that morality comes from Almighty God and from Him alone. However, if ones studies the Bible, it is plain to see that it is not a foundation for morality.  The examples above are just a few that can be provided from both the Old and the New Testament. The people who promote "Biblical morality" pick and choose from the text as they please.  Only in Islam can one with good conscience accept "the whole package" without ignorantly or hypocritically denying things that they don't like.  This is how true internal peace and balance are achieved.  If one belongs to a religions without accepting everything in its scripture (real or alleged) one is not only bearing false witness againt themself but against God Himself. With all the false ideas in the modern age, it's easy to be lead astray.  The liberal Westeran morality that has now touched all corners of the globe is, culturally speaking, something like an eight-hundred pound gorilla. It's very hard to stand in its way or speak out against it. However, being encouraged by others to follow "vain desires" has been an eternal problem for mankind, as Almighty God makes clear in the Qur'an:

    Qur'an 6:56
    "Say: 'I will not follow your vain desires:
    if I did I would stray from the path
    and be not of the company of those who receive guidance.'"
     Qur'an - Surah al-An'aam - 6:56

GUIDEPOSTS TO BE THANKFUL FOR

    The Prophet Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him was a great example for all of humanity and peoples of different cultures (from "modern" Europeans to the aborigines of Australia). Not only was he a great Prophet and Messenger, but he was also a statesman, military leader, ruler, teacher, neighbor and friend.   Family life was one of the most important areas where he was a great example, since he was both a husband and a father.  Due to God's wisdom, His last and final prophet experienced a wide array of marriages and family situations.  Due to this, he is an example for people who are monogamous, for those who are polygamous, for those wishing to marry those older than themselves and for those wondering how early someone can rightfully marry. Muhammad May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him reestablished the Religion of Abraham so that it would continue to the Last Day.

    As Muslims, we should be thankful for these guideposts in our moral journey through life.  Reflecting on them aids us in avoiding being led astray into "moral relativism". This is a very dangerous thing, since it can lead to the worst of all sins—associating others with Almighty God in worship, belief and/or Lordship.  By knowing the Prophet's May the Peace and Blessings of God be upon him life we can see how to stay within the boundaries laid by Almighty God and stay on the Natural Religion of Islam which was made to suit the natural disposition (fitrah) of mankind.  I pray that we, as Muslims, make Almighty God's limits our limits,  and that we are not influenced by other societies and cultures. If it was good enough for Abraham and Moses, then it's good enough for me . . .

    That's the way I see it, but God knows best . . .
---------------
http://www.muslim-answers.org/aishah.htm

#8 sarah_anisah

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 03:18 PM

Assalamu Alaikum

My best advice is to break ties with this "so called friend" and educate yourself in matters of Islam.

Will seek out some information for you, InshaAllah!

Sarah

#9 tygrss

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 03:25 PM

QUOTE(Ayesha_Pak)
Assalamu Alaikum Sister kamillah !
   Thanks for your reply.  
I've already told her about Prophet Solomon had so many wives, But she told solomon is not considerer as prophet. Solomon was just a king. And, Solomon was punished by Allah for his wrongdoing. She told "Prophet Mohammed(pbuh) was considered as a final prophet, noble man to entire man kind. So he should not have married so many wives including a 6 year girl". And, she told our beloved prophet(pbuh) also married his own daughter-in-law. And, she asked me "is your prophet a nobel man?". I don't know what to answer her. She is portraying our prophet in bad picture.

Please tell me, has our prophet(pbuh) really married 6 year old girl ? I am sure he has not. I want to know the truth. And, has our prophet(pbuh) really married his own dauther-in-law ? What is her name ? I am sure he has not. Our beloved prophet(pbuh) is a noble, morale man. Anyway, I want to know the truth.  

And, she told our beloved prophet(pbuh) has not liked women, has suppressed and contempted women. I don't think it is true. Your opinions are badly needed.

Yes, She is a christian. She invited me to church. But, i didn't go. But, one of my another friend goes with her to church. I don't know what to do with her. Sometimes i want to go to church to learn more about christians. sometimes I don't want. I am confused. I want to cut my friendship with her. But, before that i should prove all these charges against our prophet are wrong.  

Allah Hafiz  
Ayesha.


Assalamu alaykum.

Sister, understand that your "friend" is spewing out the vile "information" that she is being fed at church and by her Christian family/friends. When I was Christian I heard and thought the same thing because their "scholars" told us to.

All of this is a ploy of the Shaitan to pull you away from the one true religion, that of Islam. Please make dua and don't fall for it!

Furthermore, I know that the article that I posted above is long, but take a read. The article did a great job in explaining everything to me both right before and after I accepted Islam, Masha'Allah.

I one of the BIG things that is explained is the fact that even though the betrothal took place between our Prophet (saws) and Aishah when she was 6, it was not consummated until she started menstruating at age 9. This was the norm back then (i.e. marriage at puberty) and, in fact is still the norm in some non-Western societies (i.e. in Africa and some native South American tribes). One of the big mistakes people make when looking at the issue of Aisha's marriage is that they try to apply OUR CURRENT CULTURAL values to what was the norm 1400 years ago. It's very biased because historians NEVER do that for anything else in history.

Also, as far as the oppresion of women in Islam, honestly it's the oldest trick in the book pulled by Christians. The argument DOESN'T EVEN HOLD WATER. If anything, Christianity is more oppressive to women than Islam.

According to the Bible:
--women are not allowed to speak in church;if they have a question they should ask their husband when they get home
--women are not allowed to teach in church
--women are supposed to cover their heads, NOT to show obedience to God, but instead, to show obedience to their HUSBAND. It goes on to say that man is made for the glory of God and women are made for the glory of man!!
--women are the cause of the fall of mankind in the garden of Eden. Hence, man will always rule over us and we will have pain in childbirth.

It goes on and on and on!!! What's worse, is that most Christians don't even follow their own Biblical rules (i.e women speak/sing in Church, they have women pastors/chruch leaders, most Christians don't cover their hair). So, as you can see, the argument that Islam and our Prophet oppress women and Christianity does not is just garbage.

Hold on tight to your deen sister. May Allah (swt) guide you and increase you in strength and iman. May Allah (swt) guide your muslim friend who has started going to church. May Allah (swt) guide your Christian friend to the truth, Insha'Allah. Ameen.

Assalamu alaykum.

#10 tygrss

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 03:39 PM

Assalamu alaykum.

I just wanted to add someting about Solomon. Christians spend alot of time saying that Solomon was punished for having lots of wives. Actually, the problem wasn't as much with having more than one wife (although he sure had alot according to the bible-700 wives and 300 concubines!!!). The problem was that even though the "children of Israel" were told not to intermarry with the pagans in order to avoid falling into paganism and idolatry, Solomon (according to the Bible) ignored this warning. He married these pagan women and allowed them to continue practising their religions. Eventually (according to 1 KINGS chapter 11) he started building temples and burning incense for these false gods.

Somehow, they seem to love to gloss over that part.

Wa'salaam.

#11 Mu7ajaba

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Posted 11 May 2005 - 08:34 PM

Assalamu Alaikum,

People always bring up that the Prophet (saw) had many wives and how in Islam men can have up to four wives and what they fail to realize is that other religions, Christianity, Judaism and Hinduism, there were some of their "great" men who had manyyyyyyyyy wives, far more than our Prophets and many as well had concubines. What I'm saying is they're far WORST than any of our Prophets and all they do is talk about our religion. They should really seek knowledge for their lack of or stop being ignorant and in denial. I could get you more information on this if you'd like.

Ma'salama

#12 khadi1

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 02:13 AM

Assalamou aleikoum wa Rahmatoullah wa barakatou,

I suggest you read ''the sealed Nectar'' which is the best biographie of our Prophet user posted image.

A question, my dear sis Ayesha_Pak, are you coming from a non practising family? I am just asking because even new muslims know that the Prophet user posted image married Aisha at a very young age. And many ennemies of Islam and the muslims will use this to insult our Prophet user posted image , the same way as your friend does.
You have to understand that in Islam, a girl can be married at a young age, but the marriage CANNOT be consummated until she reaches maturity for it. And maturity for consummating a marriage, differs from individuals. But in a nutshell, it is totally HARAM to consumate marriage with a bride who is not physically capable of it (ie, either has not reached puberty or not physically developped etc...)
After all, one of the french king (Shame on me, I cannot remember his name ) married a ten year old Queen (which I have also forgotten the name, maybe it was Mary ). He was young too, but shows you that  those times are not our times.

Maybe this will help you to answer your friend's query :

Question :


I need to know, when did the Holy Prophet get married to Hazrat Aisha, there have been claims on newsgroups that the Holy Prophet was a pedophile. I want enough information to be able to answer such allegations.

I need to know everything about this particular marriage, quoting sources.

Wa-alaikum



Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.

The answer to your question may be found in the ahaadeeth of Saheeh al-Bukhaari and the commentary of al-Haafiz al-‘Asqallaani, which are quoted below:

‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: "The Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me when I was six years old. Then we came to Madeenah and stayed in Bani al-Haarith ibn Khazraj. I fell ill and my hair started to fall out (due to the illness; then it grew back thick again). My mother Umm Roomaan came to me whilst I was on a swing and my friends were with me. She shouted for me and I came to her, not knowing what she wanted. She took me by the hand and led me to the door of the house. I was out of breath and we waited until I had calmed down, then she took some water and wiped my face and head, then took me inside. There were some women of the Ansaar in the house, and they said: " ‘Alaa al-khayri wa’l-baraka wa ‘ala khayri taa’ir (blessings, best wishes, etc)." My mother handed me over to them and they tidied me up, then suddenly the Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was there. It was mid-morning, and they handed me over to him. At that time I was nine years old." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 3605).
‘Urwah said: "Khadeejah died three years before the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) migrated to Madeenah. He stayed alone for two years or thereabouts, then he married ‘Aa’ishah when she was six years old, and consummated the marriage when she was nine years old." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 3607)

The phrase "he married ‘Aa’ishah" means that the marriage contract was drawn up; the marriage was consummated later on, when she was nine.

Muslim reports from al-Zuhri, from ‘Urwah, that ‘Aa’ishah said that she was taken to him when she was nine years old, and she took her toys with her. He died when she was eighteen years old. Muslim also reports a similar account from ‘Aa’ishah via al-Aswad. He reports from ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Urwah from his father that ‘Aa’ishah said:[b] "The Messenger of Allaah  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married me in Shawwaal and consummated the marriage with me in Shawwaal
."

‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said that the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married her when she was six years old and consummated the marriage when she was nine years old, and she stayed with him for nine years." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4738)

Al-Bukhaari calls this chapter of his Saheeh "Baab inkaah al-rajul wuldahu (or waladahu) al-sighaar (Chapter on a man marrying off his young children)." The fact that Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
". . . and for those who have no courses [periods] [(i.e., they are still immature) their ‘iddah is three months likewise, except in case of death] . . ." [al-Talaaq 65:4]
is an indication that it is permissible to marry girls below the age of adolescence. This is a good understanding, but the aayah makes no specific mention of either the father or the young girl. It could be said that the basic principle concerning marrying children is that it is forbidden unless there is specific evidence (daleel) to indicate otherwise. The hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah states that her father Abu Bakr married her off before the age of puberty, but there is no other evidence apart from that, so the rule applies to all other cases.

Al- Muhallab said: "[The scholars] agreed that it is permissible for a father to marry off his young virgin daughter, even though it is not usually the case to have intercourse with such a young woman."

(The above was summarized from Fath al-Baari Sharh ‘ala Saheeh al-Bukhaari)

In summary, then, it is permitted to contract marriage with a young girl and to hand her over to her husband to stay with him before she reaches adolescence. As for consummating the marriage, this does not happen [i]until she is physically able for it ? We ask Allaah to show us truth and falsehood and to make each clear. And Allaah knows best.




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[b]Question :



A Christian colleague of mine asked me why the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) when she was nine years old and he was nearly sixty, and was he intimate with her at that age or what? In fact I do not know how to respond to that.

Answer :

Praise be to Allaah.  

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) after he married Sawdah bint Zam’ah (may Allaah be pleased with her). She – ‘Aa’ishah – was the only virgin whom he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married. And he consummated the marriage with her when she was nine years old.

Among her virtues was the fact that the Revelation did not descend when he under one cover with any of his wives other than her. She was one of the dearest of all people to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and news of her innocence was revealed from above the seven heavens. She was one of the most knowledgeable of his wives, and one of the most knowledgeable women of the ummah as a whole. The senior companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) used to refer to her opinion and consult her.

With regard to the story of her marriage, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had grieved over the death of the Mother of the Believers Khadeejah, who had supported him and stood by his side, and he called the year in which she died The Year of Sorrow. Then he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married Sawdah, who was an older woman and was not very beautiful; rather he married her to console her after her husband had died and she stayed among mushrik people. Four years later the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) married ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), and he was over fifty. Perhaps the reasons for the marriage were as follows:

1 – He saw a dream about marrying her. It is proven in al-Bukhaari from the hadeeth of ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to her: “You were shown to me twice in a dream. I saw that you were wrapped in a piece of silk, and it was said, ‘This is your wife.’ I uncovered her and saw that it was you. I said, ‘If this is from Allaah then it will come to pass.’” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, no. 3682). As to whether this is a prophetic vision as it appears to be, or a regular dream that may be subject to interpretation, there was a difference of opinion among the scholars, as mentioned by al-Haafiz in Fath al-Baari, 9/181.

2 – The characteristics of intelligence and smartness that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had noticed in ‘Aa’ishah even as a small child, so he wanted to marry her so that she would be more able than others to transmit reports of what he did and said. In fact, as stated above, she was a reference point for the Sahaabah (may Allaah be pleased with them) with regard to their affairs and rulings.

3 – The love of the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for her father Abu Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with him), and the persecution that Abu Bakr (may Allaah be pleased with him) had suffered for the sake of the call of truth, which he bore with patience. He was the strongest of people in faith and the most sincere in certain faith, after the Prophets.

It may be noted that among his wives were those who were young and old, the daughter of his sworn enemy, the daughter of his closest friend. One of them occupied herself with raising orphans, another distinguished herself  from others by fasting and praying qiyaam a great deal… They represented all kinds of people, through whom the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was able to set out a way for the Muslims showing how to deal properly with all kinds of people. [See al-Seerah al-Nabawiyyah fi Daw’ al-Masaadir al-Asliyyah, p. 711].

With regard to the issue of her being young and your being confused about that, you should note that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) grew up in a hot country, the Arabian Peninsula. Usually in hot countries adolescence comes early and people marry early. This is how the people of Arabia were until recently. Moreover, women vary greatly in their development and their physical readiness for marriage.

If you think – may Allaah guide you – that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) did not marry any virgin other than ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her), and that all his other wives had been previously married, this will refute the notion spread by many hostile sources, that the basic motive behind the Prophet’s marriages was physical desire and enjoyment of women, because if that was his intention he would have chosen only those who were virgins and beautiful etc.    

Such slanders against the Prophet of Mercy (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) by kaafirs and others of their ilk, are indicative of their inability to find fault with the law and religion that he brought from Allaah, so they try to find ways to criticize Islam with regard to issues that are not related to sharee’ah.

And Allaah is the Source of strength. May Allaah send blessings and peace upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and companions.

For more information see Zaad al-Ma’aad, 1/106.



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#13 Guest_Ayesha_Pak_*

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 04:15 AM

tygrss,
   Thanks for your article.
Although i am shocked to hear about our prophet's(pbuh) marriage with Ayesha, I am confused why he did this. I respect him as highly nobel man. But, i didn't expect this. Somehow i feel in my conscience that it is wrong to marry a small girl.

I sent this article to my friend to read it. She told she has already read this article. I just copy and paste here what she told.

She told " muslim scholors are defending their prophet's multiple marriage by accusing other religion. but, they fail to understand Islam's Prophet is the final prophet to entire world. So, he should have lived a noble life. But, he didn't. Marrying a 6 year girl is a big crime. Islam's Prophet should not have married. When David and Solomon kill another man and marry his wife, God has punished them. David was on fasting for many days to repent from this sin. But, when Islam's Prophet did the same thing, it has become legal in Allah's court. That shows Allah is not the David's God. I call you to my church, we shall discuss more about God who is entirely different from God of Islam".

She has also given some verses from Hadith and from Quran how women are suppressed in Islam. How muslim men can beat their wife at their own whim. Sisters, Is it true Men can beat Wife in Islam? Is it legal in Islam ?

Sisters, i don't know what to do. May be i will go with her to church. Sometimes i feel i want to explore  other religions especially christianity. As you know, I am a moderate girl.

Thanks for your input.

Allah Hafiz
Ayesha.

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 04:19 AM

khadi1 wrote,
A question, my dear sis Ayesha_Pak, are you coming from a non practising family?

asalamu alaikum khadi1,
   Thanks for your input. I don't know what do you mean by non practising (or) practising family. We are muslim family. But, liberal. My father is very much liberal. He himself studying about various other religions. Allah has told us to analyse everything and find which is correct. I am just doing that.

"he married ‘Aa’ishah when she was six years old, and consummated the marriage when she was nine years old." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 3607) "

Sorry to say this. I am afraid of this. I don't know how Allah allowed for this.

Allah Hafiz
Ayesha.

#15 rayofhope04

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 05:00 AM

assalamu alaikum sister Aisha, welcome to the forum

about marrying up to 4 wives and treating them equally?
--> Islam LIMITED the number of wives, back then, people would marry as many wives as they wanted, maybe for their money, beauty, whatever and they wouldn't treat them equally either! Islam says treat them equal if there's more than one, and especially in this day and time, many men don't have more than one wife because they think it would be hard to treat them equally and not favor one over the other.

About Aisha's marriage being consummated at age 9, I don't see the big deal in this...the thing is sister, times have changed. even though these days most people may get married in their 20's or 30's, back then that was the normal thing, plus she HAD reached puberty..It may be difficult but if we ever want to understand something that seems different or unusual, we cannot bring our opinions or biases into play..We actually need to consider all circumstances of that situation to understand it.

I say do not be her friend anymore sis, she is clearly trying to convert you while you are just being polite :!: talk about someone taking advantage (well Allahu alim, but it seems that she just wants you to hate Islam and become christian, astaghfirullah)

--> regarding studying other religions, etc. this is good i guess if you want to see WHERE they have been mislead or WHAT is wrong with their beliefs but i think people need to have VERY strong Iman for this...esp. in this age and time, I stress again, people are very vulnerable and sometimes do not have an identity to work with..being 'politically correct' or doing what others do makes a big difference. so what i have to say about studying other religions, maybe your dad should not study them if his iman isn't very high or he should just be very careful, inshallah

there is a hadith (pls correct me if i am wrong) where i think it was 'Umar (RA) who wanted to read the Bible, and then the prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stopped him from doing so.

may Allah keep us on the right path of the Qur'an and Sunnah, Ameen

#16 tygrss

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 03:05 PM

QUOTE(Ayesha_Pak)


"he married ‘Aa’ishah when she was six years old, and consummated the marriage when she was nine years old." (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 3607) "

Sorry to say this. I am afraid of this. I don't know how Allah allowed for this.


Assalamu alaykum sister.

Did you read the article that I posted above? Here's the link. http://www.muslim-answers.org/aishah.htm

Honestly, I'm trying to figure out what you're having a hard time with. Hundreds of years ago people got married when they were alot younger. Why? Because adulthood was reached at puberty (basically, when girls start menstruating, just to keep the explanation short and sweet). This was COMPLETELY NORMAL IN ALMOST ALL SOCIETIES. Even Mariam (ra) the mother of Isa (as) gave birth to him when she was very young!!

We can't look at what's normal nowadays to use as a yardstick for what's normal in the past. We forget that the entire concept of adolesensce/teenage-hood is a new phenomenon. Even 100 years ago in most Western countries you went from being a child to be an adult. There was no inbetween (I'm not commenting on whether that is good or bad, just stating a fact).

Here's an example from my family: Generation 1:My grandmother, who was born in the USA in 1914 got married when she was 13 (she started menstruating at age 12) and began having children within the first year of marriage. Generation 2:My aunts who were born in 1939 and 1941 were married when they were a little older, around age 15 or 16 (still just a few years after starting menstruation). Generation 3: My 1st cousins (who are actually the same age as my mom---long story, I'll save that one for another time. LOL) all got married and started families in their LATE teens (like 19) and early 20s. Generation 4: FINALLY, my generation in my family are all in our mid-to-late 20s and early 30s and most of us are JUST GETTING MARRIED and just starting to THINK ABOUT starting families.
So you see how things can change in less than 100 years? None of the people, from my grandmother to my generation, are better or worse in how things worked out with marriage/having children because the societal norms were different in each generation. I can't go to my grandmother's husband, who was in his late 30s when he married her by the way, and tell him that he was "gross" or anything else because that was NORMAL back then.

LIKEWISE, there was nothing abnormal about Rasullulah (saws) marrying Aishah and later consummating the marriage when she had gone through puberty.

Sister, I advise you to quit being friends with this Christian girl. She is taking advantage of you BIG TIME. The Quran says that the unbelievers will NEVER be happy/satisfied with us until we turn back to their religion (in this case, Christianity). I am very concerned for you because hell-fire is NO JOKE.

Make dua sister. Make lots of dua.

Assalamu alaykum.

#17 Ameeraana

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 04:04 PM

as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

sister, you say you want to "explore" other religions... but how about "exploring" your own religion--Islam-- first?  You try to discuss Islam with your friend but she is putting bad ideas about Islam into your head. You are believing the things she says instead of being able to see where she is wrong because you have much more you still need to learn.  

fi aman Allah,

Ameera

#18 tygrss

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 04:08 PM

QUOTE(Ameeraana)
as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

sister, you say you want to "explore" other religions... but how about "exploring" your own religion--Islam-- first?  You try to discuss Islam with your friend but she is putting bad ideas about Islam into your head. You are believing the things she says instead of being able to see where she is wrong because you have much more you still need to learn.  

fi aman Allah,

Ameera


Assalamu alaykum.

This is VERY GOOD ADVICE. How can a person even compare another religion to your own if you don't know enough about his or her own religion?

Assalamu alaykum.

#19 sarah_anisah

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Posted 12 May 2005 - 11:08 PM

Assalamu Alaikum

It should be you giving dawah to this non muslim not the other way around.

We are warned against taking non muslims as close friends in the Quran for this EXACT reason that they will try and guide us away from Islam. I can see this especially if ones Iman (faith) is weak and knowledge is limited. There are many sisters here from non muslim backgrounds, in particular christian backgrounds... Christianity is based on falsehoods and lies. If it were the "true religion" why do you think soooo many poeple are leaving that faith??

Instead of learning about Islam through the twisted words of a non beleiver and even worse than that one who is actively seeking to take you away from Islam, try learning Islam from trusted sheikhs and authentic materials. Their own book of the Bible is based on lies and changed meanings so why wouldn't they try to alter Islam in the same way??

You need to gain knowledge about Islam then stand strong in your beliefs not merely being a follower of hearsay.

Here are some ayahs from the Quran for you to ponder over about this "friendship"

“O you who believe! Take not the Jews and the Christians as Awliyaa’ (friends, protectors, helpers), they are but Awliyaa’ of each other. And if any amongst you takes them (as Awliyaa’), then surely, he is one of them. Verily, Allaah guides not those people who are the Zaalimoon (polytheists and wrongdoers and unjust)”

[al-Maa'idah 5:51]

“You (O Muhammad) will not find any people who believe in Allaah and the Last Day, making friendship with those who oppose Allaah and His Messenger (Muhammad), even though they were their fathers or their sons or their brothers or their kindred (people). For such He has written Faith in their hearts, and strengthened them with Rooh (proofs, light and true guidance) from Himself. And He will admit them to Gardens (Paradise) under which rivers flow, to dwell therein (forever). Allaah is pleased with them, and they with Him. They are the party of Allaah. Verily, it is the party of Allaah that will be the successful”

[al-Mujaadilah 58:22]

“O you who believe! Take not for Awliyaa’ (protectors or helpers or friends) disbelievers instead of believers. Do you wish to offer Allaah a manifest proof against yourselves?”

[al-Nisa’ 4:144]

“O you who believe! Take not as (your) Bitaanah (advisors, consultants, protectors, helpers, friends) those outside your religion (pagans, Jews, Christians, and hypocrites) since they will not fail to do their best to corrupt you. They desire to harm you severely. Hatred has already appeared from their mouths, but what their breasts conceal is far worse. Indeed We have made plain to you the Ayaat (proofs, evidences, verses) if you understand”

[Aal ‘Imraan 3:118]


Sarah

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Posted 13 May 2005 - 04:55 AM

QUOTE(tygrss)
Honestly, I'm trying to figure out what you're having a hard time with. Hundreds of years ago people got married when they were alot younger. Why? Because adulthood was reached at puberty (basically, when girls start menstruating, just to keep the explanation short and sweet).  


Assalamu alaykum sister.

Somehow i am morally convicted with our prophet's(pbuh) marriage with 6 year old Ayesha. How can a old man think of marrying small girl ? I don't understand how you all support this? Please be honest. Whether Ayesha reached puberty or not, that is another question. Marrying 6 year girl is wrong. Prophet(pubh) abolished many bad customs which was practised in pre-islamic arabia. But, this one i couldn't digest. And, prophet's(pbuh) marriage with his own step son's wife. This also i can't tolerate. Sister, i am surprised don't feel morally convicted ?

I still believe all the Hadiths may be wrong. Whenever i read some bad hadiths about prophet(pbuh), i move one step away from Islam. How can our prophet whom i consider high nobel man act like this ?

QUOTE(tygrss)
I am very concerned for you because hell-fire is NO JOKE.


So, instead of questioning and seeking truth as Allah told in Quran, you are afraid of Hell Fire. So, you are in Islam, because you are afraid of Hell Fire. That's bad sister.

Allah Hafiz
Ayesha.




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