11 replies to this topic

[MuslimahMom]

Asalam aliekum,

I did. I felt (and still do) that it was Allah's way of His creation being cared for. It's in no way reciprocal but in my heart I know this is why I was sent to my husband....to take care of him. He just can't appreciate the blessing of what he has. My husband is healthy for the most part, but things could go sour with his health very quickly and very severely.

MuslimahMom

[Umm Muslim]

wa alaikumu salaam wa rahmatullah,

i wouldnt make that a priority or a quality for a marriage partner but i wouldnt mind either because think of all the ajr and hasanat you can gain from helping and taking care of that person.this would be a loooooooot of hard work though.

[biri]

Assalamu alaikum,

No.

Why? Because Allah and the Prophet Muhammad has told us to marry those who are most capable and fit. It is my right in the marriage to be properly cared for and maintained so I wouldn't marry someone who was sick or disabled because I would want someone who can provide and care for me and my children.

Edited by biri, 28 September 2009 - 11:13 PM.

[Ilovefajr]

Salam Alaikum,

I am considering someone now who though younger than me and appearing fit, does get sick frequently. Tho' I take better care of myself, so think that is part of it. and I do think, yes a decade down the line easily he could/likely will have more problems. My influence may help, but not for sure.

So it is something to consider. But it hurts more because you love someone to see them sick. But what about sickness of the mind, which shows up in people who don't love and who lack compassion? That is much harder to deal with, if not impossible. I can't take them.

I also think, so easily it could be me, maybe not in the same way, but in other ways. What if it was me who had a problem, would I not hope there was someone who saw me for me? I would wish so.

I really think it is a good question, because I have met many men who are handsome, strong, charming but who lack taqwa. If I married them and they got seriously ill and I had to take care of them, I would feel really cheated and ripped off. But if he had a big heart I may have felt different. He was too shallow to be worth marrying.

I need a passionate loving man. Then I can tell you more about my willingness to accomodate.

I admit, I want alot of good years in first, should I be so lucky, Insha'Allah, because I am faithful and would not be inclined to abandon someone who had a bad experience.

Some disabilities take no effort or next to no effort to accomodate too. Mostly it is the person who has them who has to accomodate.

We all have disabilities one way or another, so we should be aware, because we don't want to get stuck with someone who appears "able" but who is emotionally disabled and heartless. Character first, coupled with attraction, then sensible issues, lol.

You can see I have issues with this too!  

Salam Alaikum

[UmSafiyyah]

salam aleykum

As one sister said, the Prophet instructed us who we should marry. Also, too many sisters have a romantic picture of how it would be. It is hard, so before one takes such a big decision one should really think about the reality of marriage to a sick or disabled person. As Muslims we should not put us through hardship willingly, it can reay turn ugly. As one sister "nagged" about her husband marrying a second wife even if he didn't want it. And in the end she convinced him and she couldn't be patient and she ended in divorce. People should not drag hardship upon themselves willingly.

[umm j]

salam alaikum,


It really depends on the level of disbaility, or level of a condition or sickness, I mean these Muslims (both male and female) have a right to marry too. As long as both parties are informed, I don't see a problem.  As long as there is an attraction and you are marrying for the sake of Allah.  I am married, neither of us have a disbaility or sickness (currently), alhamdulillah, but I have known of people who are blind or deaf etc. and are happily married to a spouse who is not, and I know of people where both spouses are healthy and are not happily married. Just make istikhaara, but I don't think (for those sisters not married) you should put off seeing a suitor altogether due to this Muslim having a condition/form of disability, you can make a more informed decision after you have heard their story and know about their lifestyle. I mean, it's not fair that their character or piety is not even considered above all this, subhanalah.  Know about the individual person and circumstance first, then decide if you could cope with this or if you feel it hinders you anyway that you don't wish then khayr, not the right way for you.

[ummsalam]

Salams,

Yes, I would consider it, simply because sick/disabled people are still humans with feelings

Just because someone is disabled, doesnt mean that they are not capable of providing for their families.  I know of a brother who is blind (in fact you would never know he is blind, subhanAllah) who owns and works in a shop, and he is married and has children mashaAllah.

Disability can mean a range of things.... asthma, shortsightedness..........paralysis, etc.

Remember the companion Julaybeeb (RA) who was deformed and not desiring to look at, when the Prophet saw commanded his wife-to-be to marry him, and she accepted (much to the shock of others) and Allah blessed them greatly util he was martyred.  What an inspirational story, mashaAllah.

This question came up on another forum recently, and it hurt me that many sisters said they wouldnt consider marrying a man with disability (no particular disability was mentioned, it was general), because it was *too much hassle* etc etc.  Hardship is also objective, what one person views as a hardship, another may view withease.  I also dont agree with the statement *a muslim shouldnt willingly enter into hardship* because then we would have to avoid many things that could give us pleasure eg, having children, because at the end of the day, there is hardship in everything, and at the same time ease.

Health is solely from Allah, and mashaAllah what a gift it is!  How would we feel (those of us who said that we wouldnt marry someone sick/disabled) if our very healthy husbands suddenly became critically ill/disabled?

May Allah grant shifa to the sick, and on going health to the ummah, ameen.

[Umm Muslim]

......May Allah grant shifa to the sick, and on going health to the ummah, ameen.

Ameen!!!!!

[Sister Kamillah]

AsSalamu Alaikum,

I think a young person should really decide if they would have the patience that is needed to marry someone they know is sick or disabled.  It can be very difficult for those who are healthy to understand what someone is going through when they are tremendously sick.  The expectations of the person cannot be the same as if they are a healthy person.  Depending on how sick they are will depend on what they are able to do and what they are not able to do.  And this must be taken into consideration before a marriage could take place.

Kamillah

[jillianmaggs]

AsSalamu Alaikum,

I know this is an older thread but I wanted to comment. It depends on the disability or illness that they have and whether you can cope with their disability/illness.

I was married to a man who was confined to a wheelchair with a major spinal injury and who was in chronic pain every minute of every day and night. It is very difficult when you love someone to see them in so much pain and can do very little to alleviate it.

Although we loved each other very much my husband wished for me to be with someone who could give me children and do more things than he was capable of and so we divorced. He did not make his mind up out of self pity he is the most happy person I have ever known and while he can not do many things that other men can he is fiercely independant with things he can still do. He made his mind up because I could not physically cope with looking after him and after injuring myself a few times trying to help him he worried that i would be permanently injured too. He needed a Male nurse as his condition deteriorated.

Yes I would do it all again everyone has the right to be married and happy but after having been married to a severely disabled man I have now learned a lot more about exactly how difficult it can be emotionally, financially and physically to be married to someone with a severe spinal problem. It takes a LOT of patience, understanding and work but it is well worth the effort.

I notice that deafness was mentioned in this thread .....I was born partially deaf and it is not a disability as far as i'm concerned. Most people never even notice i have hearing problems. Those who are born deaf or partially deaf often lipread from an early age and most people end up partially deaf as they get older,

Jillian

[summayah]

Salam

I haven't read the answers so I'm just replying to the question of the thread.

It's basically a personal choice. I've seen girls who reject demands of bold brothers.

Deaf, mute, blind or handicapped, there is no problem with it in my view. One of my cousins chose a blind husband and is living happily with him now. A friend of mine agreed on her father's choice, he chose an handicapped guy for her because of his piousness and strong personality. Funny, I just finished watching a drama of a deaf guy who was pretending to be a hearing person and no one would tell until he announced it himself.  You need to be familiar with the world of disabled people and quickly after it will not seem strange at all. It just requires to adapt yourself to the needs of the husband.
If you get married to a German brother, you'll need to learn German. Similarly you need to learn the sign language to communicate more easily with a deaf person (and it can be very fun on the top of that). The drama I watched showed me how it's difficult on a deaf guy to live in a hearing world. Let's not make it more difficult on disabled people.  

Now with regard to the sick person. I once had the opportunity to think about this deeply with a brother who informed me he was bewitched (suffering from sihr). He said he was suffering from many problems around him and it took him ten years to realize that he was bewitched. I said to myself to cure himself, he must be reading Quran daily, then I was wondering if his problem involves a djin living in his body. I wanted to understand better, however, the brother decided not to pursue and said he might not be ready for marriage. To be honest I was relieved  because I didn't like the situation in which I was put.

I don't know why but I see non-Muslims more human with this regard: a woman who marries a guy who's 5kids, a guy who marries a blind woman, a family who welcomes their new daughter in law even though she's a divorcee, etc. Seriously many Muslims are picky and judgemental...including me