Asalam Alykum. I agree with sis Miss Pink, you're a crack up...and very intelligent in your wording and mentality, Masha'Allah.
Sister Poise, I've heard a million times that the relationship you have with a sibling(s) is the most important one. Yes, a spouse is half our deen...but if you divorce (which Insha'Allah this never happens) your husband is no longer your family, no matter how many kids you've had with him. Parents usually leave this world before us (Allah Alim), and extended families will have their own responsibilities to deal with...and friends can come and go. Your sister is the only human being that will share all stages of your life, Insha'Allah. She's a memory of your youth (which Insha'Allah if you have kids they would not of been a part of this), she'll be a part of your young adulthood (marriage, children, Insha'Allah), and when your parents pass away the only other person that knew you throughout your whole life till then is your sister. And will continue to be a part of your life, Insha'Allah. Siblings share all parts of life together, no other relationship covers your whole life span (usually) than a brother or a sister. Your husband (typically) will not have known you even existed before!
Being half sisters shouldn't be an issue, she's still of your blood...you even carry the same family name being the daughters of the same father. The issues you have with your mother need to be resolved, because this is what, I believe, is causing you problems in your relationship with your sister, and can lead to a host of other problems with other people if it hasn't already, which means, you need to work on the past and letting go of it. Your stepmother will never be your mother, but Alhumdulila you're living under her roof and she seems to love you despite being the child of a past marriage of your father's. Look at her as an auntie...aunts usually don't love their nieces and nephews like their own children, but there's no denying they love them a lot. Your stepmother is the mother of your sister and having a close bond with her will eliminate this feeling of your sister being from the "right woman". Also, keep your own mother "in your eyes". She may not be ideal in her actions (who really is, we're all human), but she's your mother nonetheless. If you build up this motherly bond even being far away from her (which isn't ideal), you'll see that every other relationship will improve in your life. The way you're treating your sister is NOT indicative of how you'll be as a mother, but the relationship a woman has with her mother is, as so psychologists point out. And I can see this is true, as she's the one you get (should) receive motherly love from. You know to give what you've gotten. If something is foreign to you, how do you expect to express it with others! The most important thing is to make dua that Allah subhanu wa tala changes your heart and that the most important relationships in your life reach a cohesive point.
You're young and to a big extent these eternal conflicts of unknowing why you behave like this or that is VERY NORMAL. You're producing the building blocks that will one day form your adult personality, and you seem to be very mature and eloquent for your age, Masha'Allah. Don't look at the upbringing you had with your mother with any regret or shame, because I think you may harbor these feelings too. Take what you've been through and the diversity which makes you YOU, as something special. Yes, your sister is living in a complete Moroccan environment, Masha'Allah. But you have had a varied life, been exposed first hand to other cultures and ways of living be it good or bad...take the experiences and thrive with them. Who do you think between you and your sister would be the better to advice someone that had a rough upbringing, issues of parental divorce, or can speak of being bi-cultural and on living with non Muslims (i.e. your mom and her ex spouse)? Btw, you're excellent for dawah! Sis cheer up, the teenage years are rough on everyone. You're in my duas. My fingers are tired
I just went over this again and edited some things, Insha'Allah my ramblings are clearer now
Edited by Muslimah72, 26 July 2007 - 02:15 PM.