HI there chasiekaemami,
Nice to meet you. Your situation is not uncommon unfortunately, it reminds me of a quote here that I read and it sooooo fits what has happened to you,
[align=center:98bf1cf5a7]ISLAM IS PERFECT THE MUSLIMS ARE NOT[/align:98bf1cf5a7]
I don't think you have done anything wrong, it is quite normal these days for people who are not practising any religion, to have relations before marriage to get to know one another
before committing completely in marriage, more often than not pregnancy happens and before you know it there is a rising percentage of single mums. Marriage is avoided these days, people are just not getting marriage anymore, it is now consider very old fashioned and unneccessary to actually marry. Of course as the sisters have said and as you probably already knew ISLAM forbids relations outside marriage to the muslims, there is great Wisdom in this though, I will explain after, God willing. Alot of people see ISLAM forbidding so many things but it is not without reason or purpose and this issue of no relations outside of marriage is a very important one to understand.
So this boy happens to be MUSLIM, now that doesn't say much, the word Muslim covers a wide scope of people and there are certain acts that will take a person outside the fold of ISLAM where he is no longer Muslim and he may not even know about it, NOT everyone who claims to be MUSLIM is actually living the life that GOD has prescribed in the Holy Qur'an nor do they all follow the perfect example of the Last Prophet to mankind, peace be upon him. I just wanted to point out that just because he says he is Muslim HE is in no WAY or FORM representing the ISLAM and the LAWS Of GOD in the Holy Qur'an. So from what you have said about him, I would not connect him or his family in anyway with the religion of ISLAM.....
1. don't lie, cheat or steal
2. don't have relations outside of marriage DON'T EVEN LOOK twice at women or mix with them in ANY WAY MANNER OR FORM
3. don't take from the religion what suits and leave the rest
4. certainly don't abandon pregnant women
This boy has big problems it seems to me there is alot of culture coming into play with him and his family, I suggest you leave it and get on with your own journey. ISLAM is way above what he has presented to you, I hope that God Willing you will be patient with us here to learn more about the truth of ISLAM.
I myself reverted to ISLAM almost 7 years ago, so I can understand EXACTLY where you are coming from. It is so sad that you have experienced this I really feel for you, but you know what? Nothing happens without a reason, everything happens for a reason, just we maynot know yet what it is......but soon, GOD willing, soon, everything will be clear and we will understand why certain things happened to us and why we had to go through that.
To the issue of marriage in ISLAM. Women in ISLAM have a very important position, they are to be protected in everyway, their rights need to be looked after and we have many rights. A woman in ISLAM is not a toy to be used and thrown away, she has every right to be treated as she deserves and that is with respect. Women cannot just be taken as girlfriends to be displayed and then disgarded once they are no longer needed. We are not to be seen as an asset to men whereby our bodies and looks are seen as an asset for a man and he can show his asset to his friends. We are seen as jewels in ISLAM, priceless jewels, now where are you going to keep your most priced and precious jewels? Somewhere safe right?.....Women in ISLAM are protected by the laws of GOD in the HOLY QUR'AN, we cannot be "tested out" before marriage, a man cannot even see our beauty before marriage, he must marry us on account of our good character and religion, he has no right to touch us in any way before we marry.
In this way the woman is protected, her body mind and soul is protected from every wolf, All Praise is due to GOD!! So after marriage the woman has many rights. Of course she has her responsibilities with rights always comes responsibility but her role and respnsibility suite her nature and instinct. I am sure you now as a mother of twins can relate to what I am talking about, the role of motherhood, it is so important and we as women we fit this role of bearing kids and looking after them as we are the ones who best fit this role due to our makeup our very instinct. Don't you agree? Don't you just love being a Mum?....Now the man on the other hand has another role he must provide for the family, he must support teh family financially and everyway he can. It is up to him to provide in that way for the wife and kids. So contrary to your experience of men running away from resonsibility, the man after marriage has a very big resonsibility.
In the Holy Qur'an GOD says that when a man marries a woman he is being given a Trust, like a precious thing that he has to look after in the best way he can. Like I was saying before about the jewell......this is what women are.....precious jewels to be treasured. In Islam we believe in the Day of Judgement and on that Day GOD shall ask men who marriage what they did with their "jewell" how did they look after it, how did they treasure it. Muslim men are mindful of this and they are always striving for that day when their trust will be returned to it's OWNER....
Women in ISLAM find great freedom and protection in marriage......We are put into a very important position in marriage. Muslim men...PRACTISING muslim men respect women and realise what each one has as resopnsibilities, the man has the greatest responsibility.
I would love to write more but it might get too long.....
I hope to hear from you, use the opportunity to ask all your q's about ISLAM ...... and remember....ISLAM IS PERFECT.....the muslims aren't!!