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#1 Guest_IDont care about theworld_*

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Posted 04 February 2005 - 02:52 PM

Salaam Alaikum wa rehmatullah,

Islamicly.......is it okay to fall in love??? biggrin.gif

Please post ur thoughts.........thx...

Jazakallah

Salam Alaikum


#2 Aisha

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Posted 04 February 2005 - 04:19 PM

Bismillahi Rahmanu Raheem.
As-Salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh dear sisters. smile.gif

Dear sister,

I will move your post to Islamic Rulings inshaAllah.

WaSalaamu alaikum,
Om-AbdulRahman. :wink:

#3 Aisha

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Posted 04 February 2005 - 04:32 PM

Bismillahi Rahmanu Raheem.
As-Salaamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh dear sisters. smile.gif


He is in love with a girl and wants to marry her

Question :
I am a young man, I pray and have memorized the Qur’aan, praise be to Allaah. But I got to know a girl over the phone and our relationship began over the phone, then we met, but no evil action took place between us, praise be to Allaah. Then I advised her to pray regularly and memorize Qur’aan, and stop listening to songs, and that the basis of our relationship should be love of Allaah, may He be exalted, then love of His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), then the love that exists between us.  
I found that she responded and began to pray regularly and read Qur’aan, and she stopped listening to songs. Then we ended our phone relationship and she said that she will wait for me, in sha Allaah.  
Now I am hesitating. Should I propose marriage to her, despite what we hear of the bad effects of such relationships on the stability of married life afterwards?  
Or should I cut off the relationship with her completely, even though I am in love with her and we have agreed to live our lives in accordance with that which pleases Allaah? We have decided that our life together will start with a visit to the House of Allaah once we are married, in sha Allaah.

Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.  
People keep coming up with false justification for wrong deeds and the Shaytaan encourages them to do that and makes people’s deeds appear attractive to them, approaching each person in the manner that is appropriate to him. So he pushes the lazy person further into negligence, and with one who is resolved and ambitious he pushes him towards exaggeration and extremism. He is always causing trouble to people. This is what Allaah has decreed in this world.
The same applies to relationships between people, especially a relationship between a man and a non-mahram woman. The accursed one (the Shaytaan) tempts the one who seeks beauty and makes a particular woman seem beautiful to him until he is trapped and in his eyes she becomes the most beautiful of women, although she may be one of the least beautiful. Similarly in the case of one who prays or has memorized the Qur’aan, if the Shaytaan is not able to make him fall into the trap of forbidden relationships with women because his religious commitment protects him and makes him reluctant to behave like the immoral people, then the Shaytaan uses the idea of love for the sake of Allaah and brotherly/sisterly relationships among Muslims, and calling people to Allaah with wisdom and beautiful preaching.  
We do not know whether you need us to tell you that you have ignored the doors which the laws of Allaah have opened for you to meet your needs and have entered the houses from the back. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“It is not Al Birr (piety, righteousness) that you enter the houses from the back” [al-Baqarah 2:189]
You should not need to be told this.
Do you need us to tell you that a mere meeting between a man and a non-mahram woman is an evil action of which Allaah and His Messenger do not approve, because it involves being alone with a member of the opposite sex, which is haraam, and entering upon women, and looking at them in haraam ways.
Even if it did not involve the evil action to which you refer, then just as there are degrees of righteous deeds, so too following the footsteps of the Shaytaan of the Shaytaan varies in wickedness.  
You – since you pray and have memorized the Qur’aan – should not need to be told this.
If you had asked us before you went ahead and followed in those footsteps, as you should have done, we would have said to you: What do you have to do with undisciplined girl? No one would accept a girl who is astray except one who is himself astray. Forget about her, and if you cannot keep the wolves away from her then do not be a wolf yourself, until her Lord bestows His kindness upon her and enables her to repent to Him and helps her by means of her mahrams or other women who can guide her to the right way.
But what has happened has happened, and praise be to Allaah Who has concealed you both and that nothing has happened between you of what usually happens in such relationships. Praise be to Allaah that He has enabled you to end this relationship, but you should complete that by repenting to Allaah from what you have done and foiling the traps of the Shaytaan that he has set up to ensnare you and stir up the flames of desire and sin in your hearts. We ask Allaah bless us and you with acceptance.
If you do that, and take measures to set things straight between you, and you give up the evil actions that you did before, then pray istikhaarah to Allaah concerning the marriage that you seek. Perhaps this step may be a confirmation of following the path of success.
“So enter houses through their proper doors, and fear Allaah that you may be successful”
[al-Baqarah 2:189]
But you – and she – should both try to find out about each other’s lives – before this mistake – find out about each party’s behaviour and attitude and the way the families live, as is usually done by anyone who wishes to propose marriage. If it turns out that what happened between you of meeting and getting to know one another in a manner that is not approved of in sharee’ah, and Allaah protected you from it being any worse than that, then go ahead and get married as soon as possible.
Yes, the beginning was a mistake, but it is not wise, nor is it prescribed in sharee’ah, to forsake a drowning man when we are able to save him, on the grounds that he is the one who took the risk and set out to travel by sea.
Warning against evil and telling people not to do it is one thing, and dealing with mistakes and those who have deviated from the path is something else. The people of the Sunnah, as Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, know what is right and what is wrong, but at the same time they are compassionate towards people.
What we advise you to do is to marry his girl with whom you are in love, after praying istikhaarah and asking Allaah for guidance. Pray to Allaah and beseech Him to help you both to do that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. It was narrated that Ibn 'Abbaas (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for two who love one another than marriage.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1847. al-Busayri said: Its men are thiqaat and its isnaad is saheeh.  
Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
If Allaah has decreed that you should get married after that, this is good, in sha Allaah. If He has not decreed that then that is also good, in sha Allaah.
We also advise you to read question no. 36618.
We ask Allaah to make our affairs and yours easy, and to guide us all and grant us success.

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He got to know a girl through the internet and he wants to marry her but her father is refusing

Question :
I am a Muslim Arab youth. I got to know a Muslim girl of Arab origin who lives overseas, through the internet. It was – and still is – a relationship within the limits of the laws of Allaah, because, praise be to Allaah, I fear Allaah a great deal. I love her and she loves me because she is a committed Muslim girl, and she also fears Allaah. Our love is for the sake of Allaah, in sha Allaah.  
I proposed marriage to her, and she accepted and agreed, and I praised Allaah for answering my du’aa’ by blessing me with a righteous wife, especially since I have wanted to get married and settle down for a number of years. She told her mother, who is a non-Arab, and she agreed at first, because her father had been away from them from a while. Her father recently returned, and she was happy, but he had come to tell his daughter to get ready to marry a man from her father’s country, without asking his daughter’s opinion of the prospective groom. She is afraid of him because he beats her sometimes, and she sometimes says that he is crazy; may Allaah guide us and him.  
She told me that she does not want to marry this man and that she wants to marry me, and I told her the same thing. She said to me: What do you think of marrying me in secret, then we tell her father what has happened. She is over 18 years of age.


Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.  
You should note that Allaah sees and knows all that you do.
“Allaah knows the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal”
[Ghaafir 40:19 – interpretation of the meaning]
You should also note that you have done something that is not permissible according to sharee’ah, which is corresponding and speaking to one another. You have seen how the relationship between you developed until the Shaytaan was able to deceive you and make your relationship appear to you to be “love for the sake of Allaah”.
Secondly:
We know that love is the matter of the heart, and that a person is not to be blamed for that over which he has no control. But he is to be blamed fully for the things that led him to enter into this relationship, such as forbidden glances, or words spoken in secret over the phone or via the internet, and other footsteps of the Shaytaan which he wants to people to follow and fall into evil ways. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Follow not the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan). And whosoever follows the footsteps of Shaytaan (Satan), then, verily, he commands Al Fahsha’ [i.e. to commit indecency (illegal sexual intercourse)], and Al Munkar [disbelief and polytheism (i.e. to do evil and wicked deeds; and to speak or to do what is forbidden in Islam)]. And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies (guides to Islam) whom He wills, and Allaah is All Hearer, All Knower”
[al-Noor 24:21]
He is also to be blamed for getting carried away in a matter in which the beginning is haraam and the end of which is an invalid marriage.
But it has gone this far, and the relationship between you has reached the stage that you describe, so now it is up to the girl and her family. If the woman can convince her father not to marry her off to someone whom she dislikes, and she and her mother can convince him to let her marry you, and she is – as you say – qualified for marriage, then you should follow the steps outlined in sharee’ah of asking her father or her guardian for her hand in marriage. If you see that the path to marriage is blocked, then it is not permissible for you to carry on with this relationship. Whoever gives up something for the sake of Allaah, Allaah will compensate him with something better than it. It may be better for her to marry someone other than you, and it may be better for you to marry someone other than her.
“and it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know”
[al-Baqarah 2:216 – interpretation of the meaning]
If what this girl says about her father is true and he is insane – but we do not think that he really is insane in the sense that his rights of shar’i guardianship over her are waived and he is not fit to take charge of the affairs of his dependents – or he is denying her the right to marry one who is compatible with no legitimate shar’i excuse, then in that case the role of guardian is transferred to the next closest guardian, so it moves from the father to the grandfather, for example. This matter is discussed in detail in the answer to question no. 7193.
As for thinking of getting married in secret, without her guardian’s permission, this will only make matters even worse. May Allaah protect us and you from the causes of His wrath and punishment.
Do you not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid,” three times. Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2083; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood. So how can you think of this invalid marriage that is not pleasing to Allaah and His Messenger, and then claim that your love is for the sake of Allaah?
Do you not know that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded that marriages be announced publicly? He said: “Announce marriages publicly.” Narrated by Ahmad from the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn al-Zubayr. Al-Albaani said: (it is) hasan.
He made this public announcement the factor that distinguishes a halaal marriage from haraam fornication, and said: “What distinguishes between haraam and halaal is the daff and voices (raised in song).” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1088; classed as hasan by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
Imam al-Baaji (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in Sharh al-Muwatta’: There is no dissent concerning the fact that marriage in secret is forbidden, because it is similar to zina which is also done in secret… hence it is prescribed to celebrate marriages and give wedding feasts, because that is a public announcement of the marriage.
He also said:  Every marriage in which the witnesses are sworn to secrecy is a secret marriage, even if there are many witnesses.
Look at what you two are claiming. Is it a permissible marriage as prescribed by Allaah and His Messenger, or it is the matter of whims and desires and zina, and the footsteps of the Shaytaan?
Beware before you both slip and fall, and build your lives on a shaky foundation. May Allaah keep us and you safe from the Fire of Hell.
But if the father of this girl wants to arrange her marriage against her wishes, neither the father nor any other guardian, has the right to force his daughter to marry someone she dislikes, as is explained in questions no. 26852, 7193, 22760.  But this is nothing to do with you, and you are not responsible for that. So leave her and her guardians alone. If is not decreed for you two to marry, and you withdraw from her life, as is required of you in that case, then perhaps she will see that this suitor or someone else is the right husband for her. May Allaah make us and you rich (independent of means) by His bounty. And Allaah is the Source of strength.

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Friendship and love between a man and a woman

Question :
I know keeping girlfriend will destroy the family and so on but what if we were just friends secretly were no one knew. this way we will we will stay togethr until marraige and we can garentee we wont perform any zinna. are there any cases in the old times of love .


Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.  
Firstly:
Taking a girlfriend does not only destroy the family, it destroys society, and those who do this are threatened with the punishment and wrath of Allaah. Love is a sickness that destroys the heart and leads to evil and immorality. The Shaytaan will keep tempting them and pushing them until they commit immoral actions and thus each gets what he or she wants from the other.
There are many forbidden matters associated with this, such as transgressing against the honour of others, betraying trust, being alone with a member of the opposite sex, touching, kissing, speaking immoral words, then the greater evil which occurs at the end, which is the sin of zina.
The fact that the questioner says “no one knows about us” is strange. How can he forget about his Lord Who knows what is secret and what is yet more hidden, and who knows the fraud of the eyes and all that the hearts conceal. (cf. Ghaafir 40:19).
Our advice to you, as you are still young, is to discipline yourself to obey Allaah and always remember that He is watching; fear Allaah concerning people’s honour; strive for the Day when you will meet your Lord with your deeds; remember the scandal that may happen in this world and the Hereafter. Remember that you have sisters and will have a wife and daughters, so would you like for one of them what you are doing with the daughters of the Muslims? The answer is that you would certainly not like it, and other people do not like it either. Remember that you may see the results of your sin in some of your family members as a punishment to you from your Lord.
You have to look for righteous friends, and you have to keep yourself busy doing that which Allaah loves and is pleased with. Pay attention to the best and most sublime things and leave alone the worst and most vile things. Make the most of your youth in obeying and worshipping Allaah, seeking knowledge and calling others to Allaah. Remember that there were those of your age and younger who were men who had memorized the Qur’aan, who sought knowledge, whom the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent to call others to Allaah and to enter the religion of Islam.
We advise you to get married to a righteous, religiously-committed woman who will help you adhere to your religion and encourage you to adhere to the laws of Allaah, who will look after your children and bring them up with good morals and religious commitment. Give up this woman who agrees to go out with a man who is a stranger to her (a non-mahram) and meet him and talk to him; if she agrees to do immoral actions now then what is going to prevent her from continuing to do so in the  future?
Remember that you are angering your Lord with such sins as being alone with her, meeting her and talking to her, and anything more than that is even more serious.
You should realize that zina does not only involve the private parts, rather the eyes may commit zina, the ears may commit zina, the hand may commit zina and the foot may commit zina, as was proven from the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). All of that leads to the zina of the private parts. So do not let the Shaytaan deceive you, for he is an enemy to you who wishes you evil and tells you to commit immoral actions.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:
Contact between lovers in improper and unlawful ways is a calamity and a real disaster. It is not permissible for the man to contact the woman in this case, or for the woman to contact the man. If he says that he wants to marry her, then he must tell her wali (guardian) that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her wali that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with them).
But if the woman contacts the man directly, this is the source of fitnah (temptation).
As’ilat al-Baab il-Maftooh (Question no. 868).
Secondly:
With regard to your question about such forbidden relationships in the ancient love stories, the fact that such stories existed among those who came before us cannot be taken as proof with regard to shar’i rulings, because the rulings of sharee’ah having to do with what is forbidden and what is allowed are to be taken from the shar’i evidence of the Qur’aan and Sunnah, and the commands and prohibitions contained therein.
Some of those mentioned in these stories came before Islam, such as ‘Antarah and others, and such stories are to be found in other cultures as is well known. But we cannot take shar’i rulings from this because Islam came to bring people forth from being controlled by their desires to complete submission to Allaah the Lord of the Worlds.
We ask Allaah to guide us and you and to give us strength.

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Question : He fell in love with a girl then he repented. Can he be friends with her?

A young Muslim man went to study aboard, far from his family. He got to know a Muslim girl and the relationship between them grew until it became love, and they touched one another and kissed, but they did not commit fornication (zina). He feels fear of Allaah and he asked her to change the relationship with him or to give it up because what they did is a sin. She understood that and said, “Let’s remain friends and we will never speak of love again, we can just be friends.” He feels that he has made a sacrifice for the sake of Allaah, because he loves her very much, but he feels that this is not enough to please Allaah. Is it permissible for him to speak to her as just a friend? How can he explain to her that he does not want to be selfish, because he loves her very much but his love for Allaah is greater?.

Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.  
Firstly:
Following the paths of fitnah is one of the reasons why Muslims fall into the traps of the Shaytaan. The rulings of Islam bar the way to many of these paths and warn against following them. Islam also warns against following in the footsteps of the Shaytaan.
One of these reasons or causes is Muslims travelling to kaafir countries and settling there either alone or with their families; studying in mixed universities and keeping company with immoral people who do not point him in the direction of good or warn him against evil; giving his faculties free rein to commit sin, such as letting his ears listen to singing or his eyes look at haraam things, and so on.
A man cannot protect himself unless he keeps away from these paths that lead to evil, and looks for the ways of peace and guidance with which his Lord is pleased.  
Secondly:
We think that our brother is on the right track and is guided in sha Allaah, because he fears his Lord and has given up his relationship with this girl, after committing sin with her because of his following the paths of evil mentioned above.
The attitude of fearing Allaah is very important, and giving up one’s desires for the sake of Allaah is something which no one can achieve except those who understand Tawheed truly, in whose hearts faith is alive and manifests itself in their physical actions.
But he has to remain steadfast in his actions, and not let the Shaytaan lead him down another path that will lead to the same result of committing haraam actions. There can be no friendship between him and this girl who is a stranger (non-mahram) to him. What this friendship leads to is well known, so he must not respond to her request. He should adhere to his stance and seek the help of Allaah, asking Him to guide him to the straight path and make him steadfast in following true guidance.
Thirdly:
If he really loves her, then the sound way that is prescribed in sharee’ah is for him to marry her; there is no other option. But if he thinks of marriage he should choose one who has a good character and is religiously committed, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) advised. If he does not marry her, then being friends with her will lead to him doing haraam things, as he himself says happened. Indeed, if the heart remains attached in this way, even if no physical immoral actions take place, it will still affect his heart and his relationship with Allaah and his submission to Him, in a way that is worse than committing physical immoral actions.
Shaykh Muhammad al-Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen said:
If it so happens that there is love between a man and a woman, the most effective means of warding off fitnah (temptation) and immorality is for them to get married, because his heart will still remain attached to her if he does not marry her, and that may lead to fitnah.
A man may hear that a woman has a good character, and that she is knowledgeable, so he may want to marry her; or she may hear that this man is of good character, knowledgeable and religiously committed, so she wants to marry him, but the communication between the two is not done in the proper Islamic manner – this is very serious. In this case it is not permissible for the man to contact the woman or vice versa, and say that he wants to marry her. Rather he should tell her guardian that he wants to marry her, or she should tell her guardian that she wants to marry him, as ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) did when he offered his daughter Hafsah in marriage to Abu Bakr and ‘Uthmaan (may Allaah be pleased with them both).
But if the woman gets in touch with the man directly, this is what leads to fitnah.
As’ilat al-Baab al-Maftooh, question no. 868.
And Allaah knows best.

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He is in love with a girl but cannot marry her

Question : I m currently in a sitaution that may be common among the muslim community. I have met a wonderful Muslim XXX girl six months ago, I am XXX. We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other. Everything about our relationship has been wonderful.I feel Allah has brought us together. We have talked about marriage and both agree we want to spend our lives together.Now here is where the problem begins.Her father would not agree to marry her to anyone but a XXX that he has chosen in an arranged marriage.Even if she doesnt love him. I have spoken to her mother and she really likes me.She tried to talk to her husband but he wouldnt listen.Now it looks like her dad will arrange a marriage for her soon. What can we DO!!!I dont want to lose her I love her soooo much.Is there anything we can do?

Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
Praise be to Allaah besides Whom there is nobody to praise when calamity strikes.
My dear brother, you should realize that no calamity befalls a person except because of sin, and it cannot be lifted except by repentance.
Despite all the hardship you are facing and the intense pain you are feeling, you still have to think about the root of the problem and understand the shar’i ruling on it and learn a lesson from what has happened. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… whatever of evil befalls you, is from yourself…”
[al-Nisa’ 4:79]
it comes from yourself because you gave yourself free rein in starting this forbidden relationship and getting to know this girl in a manner that is not approved of in sharee’ah, and because you indulged in absolute freedom in an environment that is far removed from the laws of Allaah.
Don’t you see that our Lord is truly Wise and All-Knowing when He forbids men to deliberately look at non-mahram women or to touch them or be alone with them or take them as friends? Allaah knows that this leads to haraam things whether it is immoral actions of varying decrees or falling in love – which is the serious and fatal disease from which you are suffering because of your sin. You have become one of its victims, suffering its pain and choking on it.
You have been very frank in describing this disease from its onset, and how you fell into this devilish trap, when you said in your question: “I have met a wonderful Muslim girl six months ago... We talked for many months and have become very close. Actually we are in love with each other.”
But you mention that you feel that Allaah has led you to one another. If you mean that this has happened by the will and decree of Allaah, then this is correct. Even Iblees exists by the will and decree of Allaah. But if you meant that Allaah decreed this because He likes it and approves of it, (this is wrong, because) Allaah does not approve of anything that is haraam. Just because something happens does not mean that Allaah likes it or approves of it. Allaah decrees good and evil for reasons which only He knows.
If you say now that what has happened has happened, and cannot be changed, so what can we do about this father who is standing in the way of these two lovers who want to get married?
I would say that there is nothing wrong with making efforts – in halaal ways, of course – to persuade this father, such as bringing mediators from within the family, or the imaam of the Islamic Centre where the father goes, and so on, and praying earnestly to Allaah to make this girl part of your lot in life if this is good for you and for her. If what you want happens, then praise be to Allaah, Who is the Giver of bounty and blessings.
But if all attempts fail, mediation does not work and the wind blows in the way that the sailor does not like (i.e., things do not go the way you hoped), then you should know that from the point of view of sharee’ah you can never marry this girl without the consent of her guardian – which is her father in the case – because the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the consent of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, no. 1102, and by Abu Dawood, Ahmad and Ibn Maajah. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 2709). The marriage contract will not be valid even if it was approved by jaahili courts and kaafir judges.
It is impossible for running away with this girl to be a valid solution, either in this world or in the next.
We must also ask some other questions raised by your situation, such as: what is your commitment to Islam – do you pray regularly, for example? Does she adhere to the hijaab prescribed by sharee’ah? What is the attitude of your own family to the idea of your marrying this girl?
Finally, you must realize that you will have to forget about her if she marries someone else. In that case, you should not waste your life regretting losing her. You never know where good may come from. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“… it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you, and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows but you do not know.”
[al-Baqarah 2:216]
What has happened is a mistake of which you are going to bear the bitter consequences, but you have to be sincere towards Allaah and strive to repent and turn back to Him. If this girl is not destined to be your lot in life, then we ask Allaah to compensate you with someone better than her. “Verily, he who fears Allaah with obedience to Him, and is patient, then surely, Allaah makes not the reward of the muhsinoon (good-doers) to be lost.” [Yoosuf 12:90 – interpretation of the meaning].

Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)

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