Posted 30 December 2003 - 11:54 PM
Asalam Alaikum,
Your Quote:" I just don't want to loose who I am in the process".
This is a very interesting quote and kind of understand what you are saying. Sister Islam is a step by step process and not everything has to come over night in changing ourself. We all have different Internal Jihad's in our life, these are things we know may be wrong(like listening too music, watching movies, watching t.v), but we just cannot bring ourselves to change so fast. And this is fine. Take one step at a time. The best advice I can give you is to understand Tauhid (tawheed) first and then the rest will follow.We each are different in how fast we can progress, how fast we can change things that are not from Islam. Some of us take a very long time to change things, and some of us change so fast. Slow change is not wrong and in some ways may be better because we incorporate things that we are constant and able to do a lifetime. Change one thing at a time, things that you can keep with. Like start with prayer, and do this everyday 5 times a day. And then after you establish prayer move onto something else. This is what I have done and I have never been overwhemled with my change. I had an internal Jihad with the Hijab for a very long time and through the years it became easier than before and now I wear the hijab all the time and would not think of ever taking it off. but Hijab was not the first thing I did, it took time for me, it was a struggle for me, this was my Jihad. And now that I wear it, It is a part of me and it is now easy because I was ready for it, and I wanted to obey everything that Allah (swt) said in the Quran. I have been a muslim 25 years and only the last 10 years have I wore the Hijab. Not that I was right because I knew I was wrong, this was never a question in my mind, but it was my Jihad. So I understand somewhat what you are saying.
One thing I must tell you, You can not have one foot in your past life(non-muslim) and one foot in your new life(muslim) and be happy. You cannot do things that are not from Islam and things that are from Islam, for the two do not mix. You must choose which path you want to totally follow in order to progress in Islam and in order to be happy(totally choose the straight path, the following of Quran and Sunnah). For if you do things that are not from Islam and You are a muslim, you will have too much guilt. Am I making sense? To be balanced you must choose and only Allah (swt) can guide you in this respect. Maybe you will not loose yourself, but find yourself when you finally put both feet on one side. The right side, The side that is Islam. I tried this balancing act of the one foot here and the one foot there and I know when I put both feet over on the right side, a burden was lifted off my shoulders. I found myself.
As far as you being 41 I do not think age is a factor in getting married, as long as you can still have children. I would not rush into anything unless you find a brother that is willing to teach you everything you need to learn with lots of patience (sabr). being older or younger than someone really is not important when looking for a husband. I would look at the deen of the person.
I will tell you a brother who is religious would not go to an apartment of a women (non-marhim) and be alone with her, no matter what. There really is no dating in islam or visiting too much before a marriage will take place. I only saw my husband once.(mashallah and the first time I sat with him alone was on our wedding night after we were married) And I would not feel bad about the break up in the least, for Allah (swt) knows best what is good for you.
kamillah