I have yet to convert and I have found alot of interesting matterial but as a women who has yet to convert i havent found answers to questions about 1)How to tell nonmuslim family, 2) What to do when living a very secular life: how to begin to change those things 3)information on the Sunnah, or atleast where to find them to read them myself, Thank you for your time.
0
PLEASE HELP! Nonmuslim unsure of how to change lifestyle
Started by
Guest_AnneC_*
, Aug 20 2004 03:59 AM
7 replies to this topic
#2
Posted 20 August 2004 - 11:01 AM
Hi there Anne,
Welcome to the site.
As you learn about Islam, you will change and these changes sometimes will not be quick, other times they may be. What I suggest is reading the translation of the meaning of the Qur'an and the biography of the Prophet Muhammed, peace and blessings of Allah upon him, which will give you an idea of how he lived his life, which is the sunnah.
A good book to get is The Sealed Nectar
http://www.dar-us-salam.com/store/main.mvc...ategory_Code=BT
As far as your family, you may want to take it in steps. Tell them what you are learning about Islam, let them know you are interested in it, and when you become a Muslim, insha' Allah, you can choose the right time to tell them. It depends on your family and how open minded they are.
Feel free to ask any questions, the sisters are always willing to help here
Welcome to the site.
As you learn about Islam, you will change and these changes sometimes will not be quick, other times they may be. What I suggest is reading the translation of the meaning of the Qur'an and the biography of the Prophet Muhammed, peace and blessings of Allah upon him, which will give you an idea of how he lived his life, which is the sunnah.
A good book to get is The Sealed Nectar
http://www.dar-us-salam.com/store/main.mvc...ategory_Code=BT
As far as your family, you may want to take it in steps. Tell them what you are learning about Islam, let them know you are interested in it, and when you become a Muslim, insha' Allah, you can choose the right time to tell them. It depends on your family and how open minded they are.
Feel free to ask any questions, the sisters are always willing to help here
#3
sarah_anisah
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Posted 20 August 2004 - 11:20 AM
WELCOME Anne to islamway Sisters :wink:
Your first question in regards to telling your non Muslim family can be complex or it can be easy all dependant upon you personal situation, relationships and your families outlook. You know them better than anyone else, bearing in mind though they may surprise you with how tolerant they are.
Have they got any inkling of you interest in Islam? Maybe it would help them if they were al least a little prepared for the news :wink:
No-one can be expected to have a complete over night turnaround of their entire life... my advice would be to a new muslim, take things slowly, do not put to high an expectation on yourself and remain close to Allah at all times, what I mean is constantly pray to Allah and make any changes in your life for His sake. As you learn someting new then try to implement it into your life... slowly but surely!! The most important thing to change is to learn to pray, at least the actions in the beginning but start by disciplining yourself to submit to Allah for the five daily prayers.
When I first became Muslim I was panicing about how I was going to fit all the extra worship into my already busy schedule.... but quickly I began to relish the five minutes it takes to perform ablution and pray, it is a welcome "time out" from a hectic day!!! Concentratin on the prayer can give you time to recharge yourself!!!
The sunnah is following the ways of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) . He is our example of a perfect muslim and we must try to bring his (SAW) ways into our lives.
InshaAllah (God willing) this article may help you :arrow:
[align=center:746e434662]Declaration About the Sunnah
Imam Ash-Shaafi`ee[/align:746e434662]
Shaafi`ee said: [Al-Bayaan] includes all that the Apostle has provided in the sunnah concerning which there is no [legislation in the] Book. There is in this book - concerning God's favoring mankind [with the ability] to understand the Book and Wisdom - a proof that Wisdom is the sunnah of the Apostle of God.
Included in what I have stated concerning God's command to His creatures ordering obedience to the Apostle and specifiying the place it has in religion, is a proof of the precise definition of the duties stated in the Qur'aan, which consists of the following categories
The first category is what the Book (Quran) has laid down with such clarity that nothing further - in addition to revelation (tanzeel) - was needed.
The second category consists in what is clearly stated in the obligation imposed [by God] ordering obedience to the Prophet. The Apostle is his turn precisely stated on the authority of God what the duties are, upon whom they are binding, and in what circumstances some of them are required or not required, and when they are binding.
The third category consists in what [God] has specified only in the sunna of His Prophet, in the absence of a textual [legislation in the] Book.
Everything [in the sunna of the Prophet] is a clear explanation for the [divine communication in the] Book of God.
So he who accepts the duties to God [laid down] in His Book should accept the sunna of the Apostle by God's command ordering His creatures to obey the Apostle and to have recourse to his decision. For he who accepts [a duty] on the authority of the Apostle accepts it from God, since God has imposed the obligation to obey [the Prophet].
The acceptance of [all the duties] laid down in both the Book of God and the sunna of the Apostle means the acceptance of each one as imposed by God, despite the differing reasons for the acceptance of what He permitted or prohibited, commanded, or punished in various ways as He pleased, glorified be His praise. For He said, "He will not be questioned about what He does, but they will be questioned." [21:23]
Your first question in regards to telling your non Muslim family can be complex or it can be easy all dependant upon you personal situation, relationships and your families outlook. You know them better than anyone else, bearing in mind though they may surprise you with how tolerant they are.
Have they got any inkling of you interest in Islam? Maybe it would help them if they were al least a little prepared for the news :wink:
No-one can be expected to have a complete over night turnaround of their entire life... my advice would be to a new muslim, take things slowly, do not put to high an expectation on yourself and remain close to Allah at all times, what I mean is constantly pray to Allah and make any changes in your life for His sake. As you learn someting new then try to implement it into your life... slowly but surely!! The most important thing to change is to learn to pray, at least the actions in the beginning but start by disciplining yourself to submit to Allah for the five daily prayers.
When I first became Muslim I was panicing about how I was going to fit all the extra worship into my already busy schedule.... but quickly I began to relish the five minutes it takes to perform ablution and pray, it is a welcome "time out" from a hectic day!!! Concentratin on the prayer can give you time to recharge yourself!!!
The sunnah is following the ways of Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) . He is our example of a perfect muslim and we must try to bring his (SAW) ways into our lives.
InshaAllah (God willing) this article may help you :arrow:
[align=center:746e434662]Declaration About the Sunnah
Imam Ash-Shaafi`ee[/align:746e434662]
Shaafi`ee said: [Al-Bayaan] includes all that the Apostle has provided in the sunnah concerning which there is no [legislation in the] Book. There is in this book - concerning God's favoring mankind [with the ability] to understand the Book and Wisdom - a proof that Wisdom is the sunnah of the Apostle of God.
Included in what I have stated concerning God's command to His creatures ordering obedience to the Apostle and specifiying the place it has in religion, is a proof of the precise definition of the duties stated in the Qur'aan, which consists of the following categories
The first category is what the Book (Quran) has laid down with such clarity that nothing further - in addition to revelation (tanzeel) - was needed.
The second category consists in what is clearly stated in the obligation imposed [by God] ordering obedience to the Prophet. The Apostle is his turn precisely stated on the authority of God what the duties are, upon whom they are binding, and in what circumstances some of them are required or not required, and when they are binding.
The third category consists in what [God] has specified only in the sunna of His Prophet, in the absence of a textual [legislation in the] Book.
Everything [in the sunna of the Prophet] is a clear explanation for the [divine communication in the] Book of God.
So he who accepts the duties to God [laid down] in His Book should accept the sunna of the Apostle by God's command ordering His creatures to obey the Apostle and to have recourse to his decision. For he who accepts [a duty] on the authority of the Apostle accepts it from God, since God has imposed the obligation to obey [the Prophet].
The acceptance of [all the duties] laid down in both the Book of God and the sunna of the Apostle means the acceptance of each one as imposed by God, despite the differing reasons for the acceptance of what He permitted or prohibited, commanded, or punished in various ways as He pleased, glorified be His praise. For He said, "He will not be questioned about what He does, but they will be questioned." [21:23]
#4
sarah_anisah
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Posted 20 August 2004 - 11:25 AM
Hello again,
I was writing my reply as Muslimsister posted hers...
The book mentioned by Muslimsister is also available online as an ebook:
The Sealed nectar
Sarah
I was writing my reply as Muslimsister posted hers...
The book mentioned by Muslimsister is also available online as an ebook:
The Sealed nectar
Sarah
#5
Site Admin
Posted 20 August 2004 - 12:24 PM
Dear Anne,
I always like to remind myself and my sisters of the advice of Rasulullah (saws) to Muadh bin Jabal (ra) when he sent him to Yemen. He told him that he is going to a people of the Book, so first let them testify the shahada, then teach them the prayer, then take from their rich and give to their poor (which is the zakah).
So first, try to understand the basic beliefs of Islam, then learn the prayer. As RAmadan is quite soon, it will be good to familiarise yourself with fasting. Changes in lifestyle will come as your faith grows and you will feel the need to change. No sahaba changed overnight. Their good points were stressed and they tried to control and get better at their bad qualities.
But take it one step at a time, this is the best way for it to last.
Umm Hanifa
I always like to remind myself and my sisters of the advice of Rasulullah (saws) to Muadh bin Jabal (ra) when he sent him to Yemen. He told him that he is going to a people of the Book, so first let them testify the shahada, then teach them the prayer, then take from their rich and give to their poor (which is the zakah).
So first, try to understand the basic beliefs of Islam, then learn the prayer. As RAmadan is quite soon, it will be good to familiarise yourself with fasting. Changes in lifestyle will come as your faith grows and you will feel the need to change. No sahaba changed overnight. Their good points were stressed and they tried to control and get better at their bad qualities.
But take it one step at a time, this is the best way for it to last.
Umm Hanifa
#6
Posted 20 August 2004 - 09:19 PM
Anne,
How are you? God-willing, all is well with you.
You seem very curious about Islam, that's good. That's what makes one want to seek more knowledge. I'm a recent convert (revert) to Islam....very recent actually...only 2½ weeks. So I am still dealing with a lot of the family issues that you are asking about. God-willing I will be able to help you out.
First, before anything, before even picking up a book about Islam, before thinking about Islam, before contemplating Islam, pray to God. Pray and ask Him to clear your mind so that you may understand what you are reading and better take it all in. Ask Him for wisdom to understand the message of the Quran and of the Prophet (SAW). Pray for guidance so that He may take control of your life and all of its affairs. And ask Him to show Islam in the way that He wants you to see it. By praying for all these things you will already be prepared to read about Islam and to embrace it.
Next, once you feel it IN YOUR HEART, not only your mind, but also in your heart, you should tell your family about your interest in Islam in the calmest way possible. The way you present something to someone is the way they are going to take it. :wink: You know your family best, so you know how best to tell them about your interest in Islam.
After telling your family about your interest you should slowly make that interest more obvious to them so that when you say your shahadah it doesn't smack them in the face as hard. Find more books, whether it be through here with the sisters, other websites, or a nearby bookstore and read and make sure you know everything of the basics of Islam.
After all this, when you feel ready and sure about it, you should say your shahdah. If you don't know where to go or who to talk to, you can go to your nearby mosque and the Imam there will guide you through it. When it is time to tell you family, it once again comes down to you. You know when it is best to approach them about certain things and when they are in their best of moods. Be patient and at the right time tell them, in a calmly manner that after studying and learning about Islam, you have decided that it is the way of life that you want for yourself and is what you choice to follow.
Ofcourse, like many families reactions, it will not be nice. But since you know that they will not react nicely, you must remain calm and respectful. Let them say all that they have to say and get it all out. Regardless of them knowing about your interest in Islam it will still be a shock to them when you officially declare Islam as your way of life. Let them react in their own way, and when they calm down they will approach you or you can approach them. Rely on God for the words to say and for the strength and patience to overcome your family's reaction. God-willing He will make things easy for you. :wink:
About changing things in your life, don't worry about that too much. The only thing you need worry about when becoming Muslim is learning how to pray. Prayer is everything in Islam. And as a new Muslimah, it will be the way that God gives you strength to deal with all the new obstacles. Once you learn how to pray, you should do that as much as you can as well as read the Quran. Little by little you will see yourself change without you realizing it. And the things that you learn and read, try to fit them in your life and put them into practice. This will also help you grow as a Muslimah. God-willing He will make everything fall into place for you. :wink:
I think that's about everything. If you need anything else, please do not hesitate. We are ALL here for you Anne. God-willing this has been of some help to you. :wink:
How are you? God-willing, all is well with you.
You seem very curious about Islam, that's good. That's what makes one want to seek more knowledge. I'm a recent convert (revert) to Islam....very recent actually...only 2½ weeks. So I am still dealing with a lot of the family issues that you are asking about. God-willing I will be able to help you out.
First, before anything, before even picking up a book about Islam, before thinking about Islam, before contemplating Islam, pray to God. Pray and ask Him to clear your mind so that you may understand what you are reading and better take it all in. Ask Him for wisdom to understand the message of the Quran and of the Prophet (SAW). Pray for guidance so that He may take control of your life and all of its affairs. And ask Him to show Islam in the way that He wants you to see it. By praying for all these things you will already be prepared to read about Islam and to embrace it.
Next, once you feel it IN YOUR HEART, not only your mind, but also in your heart, you should tell your family about your interest in Islam in the calmest way possible. The way you present something to someone is the way they are going to take it. :wink: You know your family best, so you know how best to tell them about your interest in Islam.
After telling your family about your interest you should slowly make that interest more obvious to them so that when you say your shahadah it doesn't smack them in the face as hard. Find more books, whether it be through here with the sisters, other websites, or a nearby bookstore and read and make sure you know everything of the basics of Islam.
After all this, when you feel ready and sure about it, you should say your shahdah. If you don't know where to go or who to talk to, you can go to your nearby mosque and the Imam there will guide you through it. When it is time to tell you family, it once again comes down to you. You know when it is best to approach them about certain things and when they are in their best of moods. Be patient and at the right time tell them, in a calmly manner that after studying and learning about Islam, you have decided that it is the way of life that you want for yourself and is what you choice to follow.
Ofcourse, like many families reactions, it will not be nice. But since you know that they will not react nicely, you must remain calm and respectful. Let them say all that they have to say and get it all out. Regardless of them knowing about your interest in Islam it will still be a shock to them when you officially declare Islam as your way of life. Let them react in their own way, and when they calm down they will approach you or you can approach them. Rely on God for the words to say and for the strength and patience to overcome your family's reaction. God-willing He will make things easy for you. :wink:
About changing things in your life, don't worry about that too much. The only thing you need worry about when becoming Muslim is learning how to pray. Prayer is everything in Islam.
And as a new Muslimah, it will be the way that God gives you strength to deal with all the new obstacles. Once you learn how to pray, you should do that as much as you can as well as read the Quran. Little by little you will see yourself change without you realizing it. And the things that you learn and read, try to fit them in your life and put them into practice. This will also help you grow as a Muslimah. God-willing He will make everything fall into place for you. :wink:
I think that's about everything. If you need anything else, please do not hesitate.
We are ALL here for you Anne. God-willing this has been of some help to you. :wink:
#7
Posted 21 August 2004 - 03:31 AM
As-salaam Alaikum AnneC. Welcome to the site, the sisters here are so kind and knowledgeable, mashaAllah! You have come to the right place to learn more about Islam and changing your way of life.
swsis570
swsis570
#8
Posted 23 August 2004 - 01:19 PM
Salaam Anne,
Yep as sis Dali said - we're all here for ya!! Just take everything one day at a time and let Allah guide you. Inhsa'Allah he will make it easy for you. Most of us have been through the same situation so we know how you feel and how difficult or even sometimes easy it could be!!
1- Since you are still in the stages of learning, maybe you could tell your parents now that you are studying islam and maybe explain to them some good things you have learned about it. That way they will be kinda eased into it and will be hearing all of the wonderful things about islam at the same time.
When I told my mom, she knew I had been studying it for awhile and everything but she was more upset that I did it (said my shahada) and came and told her afterwards than telling her beforehand so we could talk about it first. Myabe it would be the same with your parents.
2 - Again, take everything one day at a time!! When I first reverted everyone told me to take baby steps and not try to take everything on at once. Maybe you could start changing the way you dress? Or the foods that you eat?? At the same time, continue to read and talk with other sisters (like us!!
) to increase your knowledge. I personally think that the more knowledge i gained, the stronger I became and it was easier for me to do things like all of my prayers and wear hijab (Alhamdulilah).
3- Sister Kamillah sends out articles she has prepared about islam and they are VERY GOOD. That sis has lots of knowledge!! And so do ALL of our other sisters!! She is on vacation right now but insha'Allah she will pop in and see your post and give u her email address so she can send you some articles as well.
Looking forward to your posts.
Yep as sis Dali said - we're all here for ya!! Just take everything one day at a time and let Allah guide you. Inhsa'Allah he will make it easy for you. Most of us have been through the same situation so we know how you feel and how difficult or even sometimes easy it could be!!
1- Since you are still in the stages of learning, maybe you could tell your parents now that you are studying islam and maybe explain to them some good things you have learned about it. That way they will be kinda eased into it and will be hearing all of the wonderful things about islam at the same time.
When I told my mom, she knew I had been studying it for awhile and everything but she was more upset that I did it (said my shahada) and came and told her afterwards than telling her beforehand so we could talk about it first. Myabe it would be the same with your parents.
2 - Again, take everything one day at a time!! When I first reverted everyone told me to take baby steps and not try to take everything on at once. Maybe you could start changing the way you dress? Or the foods that you eat?? At the same time, continue to read and talk with other sisters (like us!!
) to increase your knowledge. I personally think that the more knowledge i gained, the stronger I became and it was easier for me to do things like all of my prayers and wear hijab (Alhamdulilah).
3- Sister Kamillah sends out articles she has prepared about islam and they are VERY GOOD. That sis has lots of knowledge!! And so do ALL of our other sisters!! She is on vacation right now but insha'Allah she will pop in and see your post and give u her email address so she can send you some articles as well.
Looking forward to your posts.
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