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Your Dad Is A Pedophile.

What would you say to that?

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#1 Guest_Simple_*

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Posted 27 November 2015 - 10:10 PM

Salam alaykom sisters,

Some of you might remember me and some probably wont, but I will give a small recap of what happened almost 10 years ago and what happened this week.
When I was around 16 years old I visited family friends in Belgium with my family. Our families were very close, we used to visit each other very often and sometimes even spend holidays together. The family is very well known in the Muslim community in Brussels, because the father of the family is a 'famous' imam in the city. Long story short I went to bed upstairs and he came into the room and wanted me to kiss him on the cheek instead of the usual kiss on the hand, which all of his kids did (even though he wasn't a mahram obviously). I did kiss him on his cheek and he demanded more, so I stopped and thought to myself this is not the situation I want to be in. He noticed I was hesitant and went to his own room, which was next to his daughters' room, the room I was in. I went back in bed and he called my name. The first time I didn't reply. The second time I also didn't reply, but the third time I got up to see what he wanted. I thought that I might have misunderstood and I didn't want to be disrespectful. I was wrong. He was laying in his bed wearing white boxers and an undershirt and called me into his bed. I respectfully declined by saying: no 3ammi (uncle). This wasn't a young man with dreamy chocolate eyes which I had some kind of connection with. This was an imam, and old imam. He has lived for well over 70 years now and he got it in his head that a 16 year old girl, who was visiting his family, would want to sleep with him. He was wrong. It hurt me so much, mentally, to have that feeling of trust shattered. I grew up without my father and not to trying to cliché, but he was kind of the father figure for my siblings and I. Even though the level of respect he demanded was high. At the time I did not tell anyone, but eventually told my mother and sister.
This week I couldn't sleep and it was already three in the morning. I kept thinking about what happened and I did so numerous times before, but I finally built up the courage needed for me to inform his daughter. It took me ten years and it might seem trivial to some, but that was a very traumatic period for me as a teen. I wanted to inform his daughter for years now, especially her out of his four daughters because I felt like we had a good bond. I thought that she could try to keep an eye on the kids that visit their house, including her nieces and perhaps even nephews. So I sent her a message and I finally felt cleansed and relaxed. I felt like it is my duty as a muslim to inform her, because there might be more kids out there who have been scarred by him and don't dare to speak out and so that something can be done to protect the kids. So alhamdulilah.  
She replied at fajr:

Salam, what can I tell you? I'm shocked! But I can tell you that he is not like you think and if he was like that I know he changed and that he is a good Muslim. That was over 10 years ago, so just forget it. I know it's hard, but just do it and keep this story between us. People change.
Please forgive him, because I'm sure that he regrets what he did if it's true.
Now my father is the best Muslim in the world. This is the first time I hear something like that about him! What can I do? It hurts me, but I know he is a good Muslim man now. I never want to hear this story again. Sorry but just try to understand me. It's better for us all to forget.
I'm sorry.

I did not reply

Edited by Simple, 16 December 2015 - 10:12 PM.


#2 prudence

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Posted 05 December 2015 - 11:31 AM

Assalam alaikum,

I am sorry to hear about your experience Simple. On the other hand, alhamdulillah nothing worse happened.
Obviously, you did the right thing about informing his daughter. The rest, in my opinion is up to her. What she does or belives is not your problem anymore. It hurts to be "the liar", but it´s easier to live with that, than to live a lie.
I am sure, even if she says she doesn´t belive you, she will keep that on her mind when she leaves her kids alone with their grandfather.
If I had the courage I would do the same. You were brave for speaking out. And you are right, we have to teach our daughters to defend themselves and don´t have to think they have to put up with such behaviour. May Allah help us with that.

#3 mariemuad

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Posted 09 December 2015 - 07:20 AM

Assalamu alaikum,

Alhamdulillah, Allah protected you from worse. Her reaction towards you is normal as the first reaction to such a shock is denial. Should you have told her, should you have not? I am in no place to be able to answer that question which is the reason why I didn't reply to your message when I first read it.

May Allah give you happiness in your marriage and protect you and everyone else

Umm Hanifa

#4 um-zakaria

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Posted 11 December 2015 - 06:54 PM

salamu aleykum,

like the sisters above said Praise to Allah Who  protected you from worse!

May He forgive (me first hh),you and your mother. May He guide this old man.

Sister, the problem is not him especially. And if at this moment you were 16 we can't say he was a pedophile, he was  a man wanting to commit a sin with probably...a woman.
The problem is that our umma today is weak. We are not learning and living Islam how it should be.
You are from a culture (northafrica) where islam has been for 1000 years. I'm living in northafrica and can tell that despite the 1000 years of Islam many people prefer  their own way of life than Islam. It's so commun in these communities not to respect the limits when it comes to non maharaam.
And of course in the West where you (and me) grew up , it'is much worse.

But you have these roots of Islaam and you should have been told that:

It's not right for a girl or a woman to be isolated with a non mahram man, and being upstairs alone with him is kind islolated:

"No man is alone with a women but the shaytan is the third one present"
Ahmad, Al Thirmidi and  Hakeem classified as saheeh

There is no exemption for bearded men or men wearing kamiss. They are also...men. With the favors (strength) and trials (fiten) Allah gave them.

Why do you think do we wear hijab?
What's the point? Is it only for to be protected from sick hearts? So we could leave the hijab when we are with muslims, right, because they know about Allah and the punishment. But you like me we know that we have to wear covering clothes before muslim men too.

Because the women itself is fitna for evry single  man:

"I have not left behind any fitna more harmfull to men than women"

It's not the fault of the woman to be beautyfull, they may even not know it , but it's not the fault of men also to desire women .
They are both created like that.
When Allah subhanHu mentions in the qur'an what He made desirefull for men, He says in the first place women, and after He mentiones children, go;d and silver etc..
Allah subhanaHu gave us the tools to deal with this constant temptation in asking to lower the gaze and to be covered in a way that nothing appears which shows our beauty (which doesn't means leggings with a littel scarf for example...)

So a woman has an activ part when a men is tempted. She has the sin for evry non mahram man who looks at her beauty (and the man too of course)

Another thing is...non mahram men and women should not touch each other (without necessity like a doctor for example),
than how could they kiss each other??? Traditions or not, it is strictly haram!

It is narrated that Maa'qil ibn Yassaar said : the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said:

"For one of you to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle is better for him than that he should touch a woman who is not permissble for him"
At-tirmidhi, classified from Albani as saheeh



So if you warn other's from this Imam it's good, barakAllahu fiki, but what if they fall into the traps of other sick or weak hearts? You should much more insist to tell the people about islamic rules. If they take care not to fall into the trap of this man (may Allah guide him) than they could fall into other traps, traps of shaytan who waits since our creation that we fall in.

Be thankfull that Allah subhanHu has protected you, hopefully you were to young and your pencil was not writing (but maybe it was, be sincer with yourself), ask Allah subhanHou for forgiveness for your mother.
Take the hikma of what you have experienced and tell people around you about islamic rules, for because not following them you have nearly falled into something horrible. Tell people to educate themselfes and  their children about  haya,
if we follow the islamic rules even  sick hearts can't do harm incha'a Allah. And not only sick hearts:
It's not a question of young or old man, nor of having feelings or not, it's a question of haram or halal.

More even Haya, is the caracter of al islaam!

Sorry my internet connection is slow , i should come back for the hadith chain of the hadith about woman being most harmfull fitna for men, and also an hadith where rasooluLlah sallaAllah aleihi wa sallam said that the caracter of islaam is haya (modesty), incha'a Allah another day.

May Allah subhanHu wa ta'ala help us weak mothers to overcome our overwhealming rahma for our children when it comes to His laws.

subhanakAllahumma wa bihamdik, ashhaddu an laa ilaaha illa anta astarfiruka wa atoobu ilayk

salaam

Edited by um-zakaria, 11 December 2015 - 06:58 PM.


#5 Guest_Simple_*

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Posted 15 December 2015 - 10:30 PM

Salam alaykom,

Jazak Allahu khayran Prudence and sisters. I was alone in the room upstairs and he barged in. I actually slept with my hijab on. I dont need any ahadeeth thank You. You cant say he is a pedophile, dont say we because there are millions of People out there who know he is. Branding young kids as women is not of our time. I can't make sense of your post and wish you hadn't replied.

This is my que to leave this forum for good. Goodbye

#6 um-zakaria

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Posted 19 December 2015 - 09:10 PM

Salamou aleykoum,

Sister i aplogize that i have misunderstood you. I read from your post you were without hijab.
And we all need to read and hear ahadith. Because otherwise those things will happen again and
Again. Because the problem is not this specific man but shaytan and his traps. There are so many men alike
Out there sadly. Please sister stay with us, we need each other so much.

Salam


#7 um_elbaraa

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Posted 20 December 2015 - 11:13 PM

Wa alay kuma salaam,

Alhumdolillah Allah protected you from more then that may allah help you to overcome this and may Allah forgive us all. I totally agree with sister um zakariyyah jazakAllah khair for your post I was going to put something similar to that. Sister all she is trying to say is that Islam prevents al these thing if followed insha'allah. What is better then to have sisters who care and give us Islamic advice this is our way of life. Sis you should not leave the forum......

Edited by um_elbaraa, 20 December 2015 - 11:19 PM.


#8 Zhra

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Posted 20 June 2016 - 05:35 AM

Asalam alaykum

My dear sister simple I love you for the sake of Allah. May Allah fill your life with happiness and joy. What has happened is passed you cannot change it so worrying or feeling depress is not the solution because it will not help.

What will help is that Allah said " la taqnatu men rahmatellah innal laha yagfiru zunuba jamee'aa" Do not despair from the mercy of Allah, indeed Allah will forgive all the sin.

My beautiful sister I know what has happened in your teens is very hard and difficult experience may Allah cure your feelings.  But remember If you ask Allah for forgiveness Allah will not disappoint you.

Muhammad (sal lal laho a lay hi wasalam) said. " kulu bani Adam al kataoun, kairal kataoun at taeboun" all children of Adam commit error and the best of them who commit error are those who repent.

My lovely sister please don't be sad because Allah love those who repent.

My sweet sister now is Ramadan if you pray and ask Allah to remove all the tough, hard and tense feelings of your heart then now is the best time to ask Allah.

Now as a Muslima it is our responsibility to dress modestly and cover our selves and we need to teach our mother, sisters and daughters to have islamic hejab.

That old man should be ashamed of himself. Sister you should never ever trust any namehram. That is why is is not correct to say this person is like my father or he is like my brother or uncle. If he is namehram then he is never ever your father, uncle or brother.

My lovely sister I will never ever judge you because you are my sister and I love you. My wonderful sister the door of tawba is open ask Allah from the depth of your heart to help you InshaAllah Allah will help you.

Remember Allah love those who repent and Allah understand your feelings, thoughts and experience in best way. You don't have to explain because Allah know it so complain to Allah and InshaAllah everything will be ok.

Our beloved Muhammad ( sal lal laho a lay hi wasalam) said " Muslims are like one body if one part is in pain the rest of the body will will not be in rest"  so I understand you please stay in the forum because I will always be there for you if you needed any advice or help.

Take care lovely
Allah Hafiz






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