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Please if somwone could help me with this cuestion!


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#1 Guest_sweden_*

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Posted 28 August 2003 - 08:09 AM

                    As salam alikum!
I whant to ask you a question about me and my life i meet a guy in 1993 he was a muslim we fall in love in etother and we lived togheter, and in 1995 he whent in to prison
and in there i became a muslim and we tryed to get married he hawe no paper here in sweden and no passport we tryed to get married in swedich way and they denyed us this becuse he hawe no paper and i whent to the masjid and tryed to get help from then an they too they denyed us to get marrid...i hawe a a friend ho is married to a Imam and he told us that he whant to come in to the prison and help us to get married and they denyed us thi also and he got 5yers prison! And my husband told me that we hawe to swear to Allah that we whant to get married and we will be married, and now it is 2003 we hawe 3 kids together and i hawe learn more from islam and i start to wonder if our marrige is halal ore haram he is out now (he came out 1998) and we was living together and ewryone around us see us like married couple. We had no witness ore anything it was only us and 4 vite walls and Allah (s.w.t) But now i whant to ask a someone aboute this becuse when hi came oute from prison he start to hit me and threaten me whith knifes throw things at me and i whant now to get a divorse and pepole say to me that we are marrid and i hawe to hawe i´dda and some pepole say to me that we are not married and io just hawe to whait one menstruation period and that we hawe lived in zina since 1995 is this true please help me whith this!
Alikum salam!                    

#2 mariemuad

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Posted 28 August 2003 - 09:02 AM

                    Assalamu alaikum,

Sister, I advise you to go to your local imam and ask him for advice. As it is a matter of halaal and haraam, and kids are involved, it is better that you can have a fatwa for your personal problem. However, I am moving this post to islamic rulings where muslimsister insha Allah can find a similar case, although in your case, it is better that you have the precise ruling concerning you, your husband and kids.

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Posted 28 August 2003 - 09:37 AM

                    Salam Alaikum Sister Sweden;

Alhamdulillah its good to know that you believe and trust in Allah.

If we do trust in Allah, inshaAllah our life will be peaceful no matter how many problems we'll have to face (No human being is problem-free).

Allahua'lam, but from what you've said, it seems to me that you have very little knowledge or no knowledge at all about Islam prior to knowing this particular Muslim man.

Firstly sister, in Islam, there must be no relationship (especially no physical contacts!) outside marriage. A simple question-check: Is he you husband? If the answer is no, then your contact with him is haraam (forbidden). Simple, right?

Any contact with a man who is not your husband or who is not your mahrem (i.e brothers, fathers, grandfathers) should be done in business-like manner; not in loving manner.

It seems to me that either you do not know about this or the man did not inform you about this.

Another thing is, in Islam, marriage MUST have witnesses. And the witnesses must be pious and good Muslims i.e they pray 5 times a day. Now, do walls pray 5 times a day? :wink:

Also, you must be represented by a wakil who usually must be your father or brothers. But if they are not Muslim, your representative should be your Muslim Imam in your area.

Dear sister, we might question why God makes rules like this. ISnt it easy to just say I love you and have children right away? Yes that is easy for the short term but not for the long term. God make rules like this especially to safeguard the women's rights.

Imagine if getting married is that easy, than how do we claim for our rights?

The man can easily leave you and your children and live with another woman. And when you ask people for help or you go to court, nobody can help you no matter how much they want to. The man can easily shrug off and say, "Hey! I dont know this lady! This is an accusation! What proof does this woman have that I am her husband??"

If you marry the God's way, you can show your marriage certificate as a proof or, the witnesses can come to your aid because they witnessed your marriage.

Of course there is 1001 more benefits of following God's rules but it would be impossible to state everything here. Accordingly, the opposite of God's rules is man-made rules which may be out of lack of knowledge or out of personal benefits. The man made rules may be good, but it may sometimes be good only to one person; and a hazard to the other.

So my dear sister, technically speaking, the Muslim man does not sound like a good or ordinary Muslim brother. He either do not know Islam or he is taking advantage of your not knowing Islam.

All is said and have already done; if you do trust in Allah, repent.

Go to nearby Masjid or Islamic centre nearby you and ask help from the people there. Firstly, have you make shahadah formally? This should be done, whereby you will say the shahadah (Ash hadu alla ila ha illallah wa ash hadu anna muhammadar rasulullah- I Bear witness that there is no God but Allah and that Muhammad is His messenger). You will say this in front of witnesses.

When you have officialy become a Muslim, you can gradually take your time, with the help of other Muslim sisters, to learn about the basic things of Islam such as marriage, your right as a woman, the kinds of food you can eat, how to dress, etc.

Accordingly, you may want to sit by yourself and think: Should you continue the relationship with this man or not? List the pros and cons. What is your aim out of this relationship? After what had happened, are you satisfied and certain that he will carry out all his responsibilities as a good Muslim husband? Will you reap more good or bad in this relationship?

If you are thinking of opting out, just do so. Allahua'lam but as far as my islamic knowledge is concerned, you are not his wife nor is he your husband. As you have stated earlier, there was no witnesses and no papers. In short: You are not married.

So no need to think of divorce because you are not even married in the first place, allahua'lam.

So how about your kids? You can take your kids and leave this man and live your life as a muslim or non-muslim (this is your personal choice). As far as civil law is concerned, he cannot stop you from leaving him because he is not your husband and therefor have no rights on you.

If you repent, your past sins will be forgiven inshaAllah. This is God's promise. There's so many non-muslims who convert to Islam while bringing along their kids from previous relationships before converting to Islam and there is nothing wrong with that.

If you wish to continue the relationship, try your best to get married and insist that you will only stay with him IF you are his wife. His wife as in now according to the civil law of Sweden and according to the law of Islam.

If that is not possible, opt to stay with Muslim sisters in your area (bring your children if you have) and stay with them untill you are properly married. Only then you move in with him.

If he insist that its okay that in his mind or heart, etc you are his wife- maybe its time for you to think seriously about opting out of this relationship. You want the best not only for yourself but also for your children, right? You want a man who is able to carry out his duty as a good husband and a good father to your kids.

If you do opt to leave, do not dispair from Allah's mercy. Who knows maybe Allah has planned something unimaginably good for you. Who knows He has planned for you a good, pious man. Allahua'lam

More importantly, are you willing to embrace Islam for Allah's sake and not merely for this man's sake?

Sister, you have to trust in Allah; yes; but in the same time, you have to follow the guidelines of Allah, too. You cannot just make mistakes out of ignorance and expect God to take care of everything for you.

The best example I can give you is; If you drive, you must wear seatbelt, right? You dont just drive and dont wear seatbelt because if something happened, you have no one to blame except yourself. The precautions and steps have been given for you to take care of yourself (i.e the belt) so follow that rules of safety and inshaAllah you'll be alright. The manner is the same whether in driving or cooking or studying or religion itself. Follow the appropriate rules and put your trust in God.

All the best sister, and do write back. You can also emel me (check your PM)

I'm sure other sisters here are willing to help as well.

Love,
Bubbles                    

#4 muslimsister

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Posted 28 August 2003 - 05:45 PM

                    Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh,
Jazaki Allahu khairan sister Bubbles for the PM explaining that you wrote the answer while this was in the wives forum.   biggrin.gif                    

#5 muslimsister

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Posted 28 August 2003 - 05:54 PM

                    Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh,
I will post some fatawaa, but as Sister Mariemuad said, you should contact a sheikh in your community.

Question:


What is the correct Islamic procedure for a marriage ceremony, I mean if two Muslims are married (legally) without the presence of a religious "person" (like imam etc.), does that mean the marriage is non-existent in terms of Islam?

Answer:

All praise is due to Allaah.

A marriage contract is valid in Islam if the following conditions are met, even if the marriage does not take place in a court, or in the presence of a Judge or the Imaam of the masjid. In addition, it does not need to be written.

The waliy (guardian) of the girl has accepted the proposal by saying, for example, "I marry you my daughter", and the one who proposed has replied, for example, by " I accept," or "I am satisfied" (i.e. with his acceptance).
This takes place in the presence of two witnesses
The woman is legally eligible to marry the man according to Islamic shari'ah (that is she is not a Mahram of the proposer [those to whom the proposer is forbidden to marry. etc.]) Allah knows best.



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#6 muslimsister

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Posted 28 August 2003 - 05:58 PM

                    Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh,
More information:
Question:


I am in a foreign land and married a Christian girl who is also a foreigner in that country. Both of us do not have any relatives or friends or contacts in that country. I proposed to her and she accepted so I read the marriage statements and she accepted and than I read the marriage statement for my acceptance. I forgot the Mehr in statement but later paid some amount to her. There was no guardian for her as she is adult and independent and we could not arrange any witness. Question is:  
1. Whether this is a valid religious marriage and is it not sin in Islam as we do not care for the social or legal aspect because we are foreigners. In other word we married keeping in view our God and do not want to be punished by God on day of judgment. (We lived like man & wife for some days).
2. As I was not sure about religious aspect of this marriage, we mutually decided that I should divorce her, and I did. Is it OK?
3. Do I need to marry her again if our marriage was not OK, in front of witnesses and any Guardian / Wali to relieve myself of any sin.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.  

Firstly:

It is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her guardian, whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including al-Shaafa’i, Maalik and Ahmad. This is based on evidence which includes the following:

The verses in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“do not prevent them from marrying their (former) husbands”

[al-Baqarah 2:232]

“And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone)”

[al-Baqarah 2:221]

“and marry those among you who are single”

[al-Noor 24:32]

The point here is that these verses clearly stipulate that there be a guardian in marriage, because Allaah is addressing the guardian with regard to the marriage of the woman under his care. If the matter were up to her and not him, there would be no need to address him.

It is indicative of Imam al-Bukhaari’s deep understanding of issues of sharee’ah that he quoted these verses in a chapter which he entitled “Baab man qaala la nikaaha illa bi wali (Chapter on those who say that there is no marriage without a guardian).”

It was narrated that Abu Moosa said: The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Abu Dawood, 2085; Ibn Maajah, 1881. Classed as saheeh by Shaykh al-Albaani (may Allaah have mercy on him) in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1/318)

It was narrated that ‘Aa’ishah (may Allaah be pleased with her) said: The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: Any woman who gets married without the permission of her guardian, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. But if the marriage is consummated then the mahr is hers because she has allowed him to be intimate with her. If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian.”

(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi, 1102; Abu Dawood, 2083; Ibn Maajah, 1879. Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Irwa’ al-Ghaleel, 1840)

Secondly: If her guardian prevents her from marrying the person she wants for no valid reason according to sharee’ah, then the role of guardian passes to the next closest relative, so it passes from the father to the grandfather, for example.

Thirdly: if all of her guardians prevent her from getting married for no valid reason according to sharee’ah, then the ruler is her guardian, because of the hadeeth quoted above (“…If they dispute, then the ruler is the guardian of the one who has no guardian”)

Fourthly: if there is no guardian and no ruler, then her marriage is to be arranged by a man who has authority in the place where she is, such as the head of a village, or the governor of a province, and so on. If there is no such person, then she should appoint a trustworthy Muslim man to arrange her marriage.

Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

If there is no relative who can act as her guardian, then the position of guardian passes to the one who is most fit among those who have any kind of authority in matters other than marriage, such as the head of a village, the leader of a caravan, and so on.

Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 350.

Ibn Qudaamah said: If a woman does not have a guardian and there is no ruler, then there was narrated from Ahmad that which indicates that her marriage should be arranged by a man of sound character, with her permission.

Al-Mughni, 9/362.

Shaykh ‘Umar al-Ashqar said:

If there is no ruler of the Muslims, or if the woman is in a place where the Muslims have no ruler, and she has no guardian at all, like the Muslims in America and elsewhere, if there are Islamic institutions in that country that take care of the Muslims’ affairs, then they should arrange her marriage. The same applies if the Muslims have a leader who is in charge or someone who is responsible for their affairs.  

Al-Waadih fi Sharh Qanoon al-Ahwaal al-Shakhsiyyah al-Urduni, p. 70

The marriage contract must be witnessed by two adult male Muslims of sound mind. See question no. 2127.  

Hence you have to repeat your marriage contract, and it is essential that the woman’s guardian be present, as stated above, as well as two witnesses.

And Allaah knows best.                    

#7 muslimsister

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Posted 28 August 2003 - 06:00 PM

                    Assalaam alaikum wa rahmatu Allahi wa barakatuh,
One more
Question:


What exactly constitutes a guardian, as is needed in the nikkah ceremony. I am a female Muslim, and I want to know if my older brother is acceptable for this role.

Answer:

Praise be to Allaah.

There are three pillars or conditions for the marriage contract in Islam:

Both parties should be free of any obstacles that might prevent the marriage from being valid, such as their being mahrams of one another (i.e., close relatives who are permanently forbidden to marry), whether this relationship is through blood ties or through breastfeeding (radaa’) etc., or where the man is a kaafir (non-Muslim) and the woman is a Muslim, and so on.

There should be an offer or proposal (eejaab) from the walee or the person who is acting in his place, who should say to the groom “I marry so-and-so to you” or similar words.

There should be an expression of acceptance (qabool) on the part of the groom or whoever is acting in his place, who should say, “I accept,” or similar words.

The conditions of a proper nikaah (marriage contract) are as follows:

Both the bride and groom should be clearly identified, whether by stating their names or describing them, etc.

Both the bride and groom should be pleased with one another, because the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman (widow or divorcee) may be married until she has been asked about her wishes (i.e., she should state clearly her wishes), and no virgin should be married until her permission has been asked (i.e., until she has agreed either in words or by remaining silent).” They asked, “O Messenger of Allaah, how is her permission given (because she will feel very shy)?” He said: “By her silence.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4741)

The one who does the contract on the woman’s behalf should be her walee, as Allaah addressed the walees with regard to marriage (interpretation of the meaning): “And marry those among you who are single…” [al-Noor 24:32] and because the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who marries without the permission of her walee, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1021 and others; it is a saheeh hadeeth)

The marriage contract must be witnessed, as the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage contract except with a walee and two witnesses.” (Reported by al-Tabaraani; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7558)

It is also important that the marriage be announced, as the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Announce marriages.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad; classed as hasan in Saheeh al-Jaami’, 1027)

The conditions of the walee are as follows:

He should be of sound mind

He should be an adult

He should be free (not a slave)

He should be of the same religion as the bride. A kaafir cannot be the walee of a Muslim, male or female, and a Muslim cannot be the walee of a kaafir, male or female, but a kaafir can be the walee of a kaafir woman for marriage purposes, even if they are of different religions. An apostate (one who has left Islam) cannot be a walee for anybody.

He should be of good character (‘adaalah – includes piety, attitude, conduct, etc.), as opposed to being corrupt. This is a condition laid down by some scholars, although some of them regard the outward appearance of good character as being sufficient, and some say that it is enough if he is judged as being able to pay proper attention to the interests of the woman for whom he is acting as walee in the matter of her marriage.

He should be male, as the Prophet  (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No woman may conduct the marriage contract of another woman, and no woman can conduct the marriage contract on behalf of her own self, because the zaaniyah (fornicatress, adulteress) is the one who arranges things on her own behalf.” (Reported by Ibn Maajah, 1782; see also Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7298)

He should be wise and mature (rushd), which means being able to understand matters of compatibility and the interests of marriage.

The fuqahaa’ put possible walees in a certain order, and a walee who is more closely-related should not be ignored unless there is no such person or the relatives do not meet the specified conditions. A woman’s walee is her father, then whoever her father may have appointed before his death, then her paternal grandfather or great-grandfather, then her son, then her grandfathers sons or grandsons, then her brother through both parents (full brother), then her brother through her father, then the sons of her brother through both parents, then the sons of her brother through her father, then her uncle (her father’s brother through both parents), then her father’s brother through the father, then the sons of her father’s brother though both parents, then the sons of her father’s brother through the father, then whoever is more closely related, and so on – as is the case with inheritance. The Muslim leader (or his deputy, such as a qaadi or judge) is the walee for any woman who does not have a walee of her own.

And Allaah knows best.



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