Salaam sisters.
wondering if anyone can help me.
I would like to get married to a man who is a nice person and has good knowledge of islam and I know he will lokk after me and keep me happy and on the right path.
However my parents are totally against it and will not allow me to marry him because he is of a different caste.
they would like me to marry someone RICH and of the same caste. I feel this is not right for me.
Now i am planning on getting married against my parents wishes but I have been told I can not marry without a WALI and also I cant find a mosque to perform my nikkah.
someone please help me I am in alot of worry.
Jazakallah for any replies.
0
where can i do my nikkah?
Started by
Guest_shaz04_*
, Mar 04 2004 12:31 PM
5 replies to this topic
#2
Posted 05 March 2004 - 09:45 AM
There are alot of mosques, particularly in the north....
I know your situation all too well as many of my friends have been in a similar situation, but sister, believe me, i have been there....and if what you believe is right, you must persuade you parents to look at the positive points to why you would like to marry this person. And at the same time justify why u think they are wrong in judging him through caste.
It is all too easy to give up on parents and say i want to do it anyway, but you have to realise they have brought you up, so you owe them that honour of looking after their izzat (you).
Even if a mosque does perform this nikkah for you, that does not make your nikkah valid 'Islamically'....so is their any point of committing yourself to the sin of fitna?
I believe that if Allah (swt) takes with one hand he will give with the other, and that if he wants something to happen, and we are patient, and ask with a true heart, then it will surely be ours.
I believe you should discuss it furthur with your parents or some other senior memeber of your family and pray Istakharah for guidance.
Insha'allah you will find the true path.
PS: I have been there...and nothing hurts you more than hurting your parents, and insha'allah if he isn't the one, there will be someone better, when the time is right....thats my belief, and insha'allah May Allah (swt) guide us all in that situation. :roll:
Stay Blessed
ambu
I know your situation all too well as many of my friends have been in a similar situation, but sister, believe me, i have been there....and if what you believe is right, you must persuade you parents to look at the positive points to why you would like to marry this person. And at the same time justify why u think they are wrong in judging him through caste.
It is all too easy to give up on parents and say i want to do it anyway, but you have to realise they have brought you up, so you owe them that honour of looking after their izzat (you).
Even if a mosque does perform this nikkah for you, that does not make your nikkah valid 'Islamically'....so is their any point of committing yourself to the sin of fitna?
I believe that if Allah (swt) takes with one hand he will give with the other, and that if he wants something to happen, and we are patient, and ask with a true heart, then it will surely be ours.
I believe you should discuss it furthur with your parents or some other senior memeber of your family and pray Istakharah for guidance.
Insha'allah you will find the true path.
PS: I have been there...and nothing hurts you more than hurting your parents, and insha'allah if he isn't the one, there will be someone better, when the time is right....thats my belief, and insha'allah May Allah (swt) guide us all in that situation. :roll:
Stay Blessed
ambu
#3
Posted 06 March 2004 - 05:27 PM
salam alaikum
sister ambu's advice is good masha Allah.
sister do not make the situation into a challenge between u and ur parents. try rather to give and take and discuss why you think this man is appropriate for you with your parents. ALWAYS stress how important their approval is for you, because that really touches parents' hearts.
lets see if we can get an islamic ruling on marrying against parents wishes and marrying without a wali in the islamic rulings forum.
sister ambu's advice is good masha Allah.
sister do not make the situation into a challenge between u and ur parents. try rather to give and take and discuss why you think this man is appropriate for you with your parents. ALWAYS stress how important their approval is for you, because that really touches parents' hearts.
lets see if we can get an islamic ruling on marrying against parents wishes and marrying without a wali in the islamic rulings forum.
#4
Posted 06 March 2004 - 08:08 PM
Salam alikom
Question :
What is the correct Islamic procedure for a marriage ceremony, I mean if two Muslims are married (legally) without the presence of a religious "person" (like imam etc.), does that mean the marriage is non-existent in terms of Islam?
Answer :
All praise is due to Allaah.
A marriage contract is valid in Islam if the following conditions are met, even if the marriage does not take place in a court, or in the presence of a Judge or the Imaam of the masjid. In addition, it does not need to be written.
The waliy (guardian) of the girl has accepted the proposal by saying, for example, "I marry you my daughter", and the one who proposed has replied, for example, by " I accept," or "I am satisfied" (i.e. with his acceptance).
This takes place in the presence of two witnesses
The woman is legally eligible to marry the man according to Islamic shari'ah (that is she is not a Mahram of the proposer [those to whom the proposer is forbidden to marry. etc.]) Allah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Question :
What is the correct Islamic procedure for a marriage ceremony, I mean if two Muslims are married (legally) without the presence of a religious "person" (like imam etc.), does that mean the marriage is non-existent in terms of Islam?
Answer :
All praise is due to Allaah.
A marriage contract is valid in Islam if the following conditions are met, even if the marriage does not take place in a court, or in the presence of a Judge or the Imaam of the masjid. In addition, it does not need to be written.
The waliy (guardian) of the girl has accepted the proposal by saying, for example, "I marry you my daughter", and the one who proposed has replied, for example, by " I accept," or "I am satisfied" (i.e. with his acceptance).
This takes place in the presence of two witnesses
The woman is legally eligible to marry the man according to Islamic shari'ah (that is she is not a Mahram of the proposer [those to whom the proposer is forbidden to marry. etc.]) Allah knows best.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
#5
Posted 06 March 2004 - 08:09 PM
Salam alikom
Guardian required for marriage
Question: What is the ruling on a father preventing his child from marrying a religious and decent man simply because he is not from the same cultural background. Some traditions do not allow them to do so. What can a woman do in this kind of situation? Can she get married without her father's permission?
Answered by the Fatwa Department Research Committee - chaired by Sheikh `Abd al-Wahhâb al-Turayrî
Our Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Any woman married without the consent of her guardian, then her marriage contract is void , and the ruler is the guardian for whom has no guardian”. He also said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.”
The girl’s father is her guardian unless he is proven unfit on grounds of insanity, immorality, or malicious intent by a Muslim judge in an Islamic court or other presiding Islamic authority in the locality. In such cases, his guardianship is revoked and the next closest male relative will become her guardian.
Otherwise, she must abide by her father’s decision. If he refuses to let her marry a certain man, she should look for another pious Muslim husband who her father will approve of. Under no case, however, may her father force her to marry someone she does not want to marry.
(www.islamtoday.net)
Guardian required for marriage
Question: What is the ruling on a father preventing his child from marrying a religious and decent man simply because he is not from the same cultural background. Some traditions do not allow them to do so. What can a woman do in this kind of situation? Can she get married without her father's permission?
Answered by the Fatwa Department Research Committee - chaired by Sheikh `Abd al-Wahhâb al-Turayrî
Our Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Any woman married without the consent of her guardian, then her marriage contract is void , and the ruler is the guardian for whom has no guardian”. He also said: “There is no marriage without a guardian.”
The girl’s father is her guardian unless he is proven unfit on grounds of insanity, immorality, or malicious intent by a Muslim judge in an Islamic court or other presiding Islamic authority in the locality. In such cases, his guardianship is revoked and the next closest male relative will become her guardian.
Otherwise, she must abide by her father’s decision. If he refuses to let her marry a certain man, she should look for another pious Muslim husband who her father will approve of. Under no case, however, may her father force her to marry someone she does not want to marry.
(www.islamtoday.net)
#6
Posted 06 March 2004 - 08:13 PM
Salam alikom
Question :
I have a question about marriage, my father believes that being Bengali, he's daughters should only get married to a Bengali man, the thing is, my dad likes to be a pillar of society and likes to have control over everything we do, Can you give me proof that it is ok for the daughters to choose who they get married to, despite whether they are Pakistani, Indian or Bengali, as long as he is good in terms of religion and suitability, my father believes that girl's haven't got the right to choos who they get married to, only he does, but I think the people he chooses are only chosen for the fact that they will give him a good name and because he they are Bengali. Is it possible for the girl to make her own choice in terms of who she gets married to if she finds a suitabaly compatible, religious and good man of a different nationality with similar status and wealth, even if her dad doesn't like him because of his nationality?
Also my father is very controlling, picking and choosing what he wishes to believe in terms of religion, he likes to show off his wealth and power and build his name, can you give me any supplications which will help to make him a more mild mannered and diplomatic man? I would be very grateful if you could help me in this matter.
Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The presence of the wali (guardian) is one of the conditions of marriage, and a woman’s marriage is not valid unless this condition is met. This is the correct view and is the view of the majority of scholars. See question no. 2127.
The person who has the most right to be a woman’s guardian is her father, but if it is proven that he is not qualified for this role then it moves to the next closest relative, such as her grandfather for example.
For more information on this issue, with evidence, please see question no. 7193 and 31119.
Secondly:
With regard to the conditions and qualities that should be present in the husband, the most important of these is religious commitment. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1005) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1084.
See also question no. 6942 and 5202.
Thirdly:
One of the shar’i conditions of marriage is the consent of the wife, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “A previously-married woman should not be married without consulting her and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how does she give her permission?” He said, “If she remains silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4741; Muslim, 2543.
No one has the right to force a girl to marry anyone, but at the same time she does not have the right to get married without her guardian’s permission.
The presence of the guardian is an important condition for a marriage to be valid, but a girl should not be forced into marrying someone who she does not want to marry, and she is not regarded as disobeying her parents in this case. Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said: “The parents do not have the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient, like eating something that he does not want.” Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 344
Fourthly:
With regard to your father and the way he is, we offer the following advice:
(i) Make du’aa’ for him in his absence. There is no specific du’aa’, so pray to Allaah to reform him and open his heart.
(ii) Seek the help of some of your father’s friends or relatives whom you trust to try to change him.
(iii) Give him some books or tapes in your language that will encourage him to have a good attitude and warn him against the opposite, and give them as a gift using a good approach when you do so. Allaah may make this a cause of his reforming.
We ask Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
Question :
I have a question about marriage, my father believes that being Bengali, he's daughters should only get married to a Bengali man, the thing is, my dad likes to be a pillar of society and likes to have control over everything we do, Can you give me proof that it is ok for the daughters to choose who they get married to, despite whether they are Pakistani, Indian or Bengali, as long as he is good in terms of religion and suitability, my father believes that girl's haven't got the right to choos who they get married to, only he does, but I think the people he chooses are only chosen for the fact that they will give him a good name and because he they are Bengali. Is it possible for the girl to make her own choice in terms of who she gets married to if she finds a suitabaly compatible, religious and good man of a different nationality with similar status and wealth, even if her dad doesn't like him because of his nationality?
Also my father is very controlling, picking and choosing what he wishes to believe in terms of religion, he likes to show off his wealth and power and build his name, can you give me any supplications which will help to make him a more mild mannered and diplomatic man? I would be very grateful if you could help me in this matter.
Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
Firstly:
The presence of the wali (guardian) is one of the conditions of marriage, and a woman’s marriage is not valid unless this condition is met. This is the correct view and is the view of the majority of scholars. See question no. 2127.
The person who has the most right to be a woman’s guardian is her father, but if it is proven that he is not qualified for this role then it moves to the next closest relative, such as her grandfather for example.
For more information on this issue, with evidence, please see question no. 7193 and 31119.
Secondly:
With regard to the conditions and qualities that should be present in the husband, the most important of these is religious commitment. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry [your daughter or female relative under your care] to him, for if you do not do that there will be fitnah (tribulation) on earth and much corruption.” Narrated by al-Tirmidhi (1005) and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi, 1084.
See also question no. 6942 and 5202.
Thirdly:
One of the shar’i conditions of marriage is the consent of the wife, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said, “A previously-married woman should not be married without consulting her and a virgin should not be married without asking her permission.” They said, “O Messenger of Allaah, how does she give her permission?” He said, “If she remains silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4741; Muslim, 2543.
No one has the right to force a girl to marry anyone, but at the same time she does not have the right to get married without her guardian’s permission.
The presence of the guardian is an important condition for a marriage to be valid, but a girl should not be forced into marrying someone who she does not want to marry, and she is not regarded as disobeying her parents in this case. Shaykh al-Islam [Ibn Taymiyah] said: “The parents do not have the right to force their son to marry someone whom he does not want, and if he refuses he is not being disobedient, like eating something that he does not want.” Al-Ikhtiyaaraat, p. 344
Fourthly:
With regard to your father and the way he is, we offer the following advice:
(i) Make du’aa’ for him in his absence. There is no specific du’aa’, so pray to Allaah to reform him and open his heart.
(ii) Seek the help of some of your father’s friends or relatives whom you trust to try to change him.
(iii) Give him some books or tapes in your language that will encourage him to have a good attitude and warn him against the opposite, and give them as a gift using a good approach when you do so. Allaah may make this a cause of his reforming.
We ask Allaah to help you to do that which He loves and which pleases Him.
And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A (www.islam-qa.com)
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