A time of uncertaintly
Posted 17 February 2004 - 11:59 AM
We already talked about marriage as we want to spend all out lives together. I have aggreed to convert to Islam as I believe that is the right thing to do. I plan to do this as soon as possible.
My parents know that we are together, but they do not know that I want to convert (they are not practicing Christians). My boyfriends family do not know that we are together. Although we are together for almost 1 year I have not been introduced to the parents. I was told that this would happen once we are to ask the blessing for marriage.
I would like to know whether there are prjeducies against converts marrying Muslims? I am very worried about meeting his family, especially the parents. Has anyone that is not muslim went through the same emotions? Can any one give me some advice as to how to behave, what to say and maybe even what to expect. How will I know that the family will accept me? Any clues, etiquette, please help me.
Posted 17 February 2004 - 03:34 PM
First I would like to say welcome to the forum,
I have only been muslim for 2 years so i hope i can help you.,
mashallah this is a brilliant way to start, I started exactly the same way and eventually everything else will start to become easier., Have you started to pray?? If not and you need help just ask.!
My advice would be to study islam as much as possible, so that you have full confidence in your islam and what you are doing., You will find people trying to talk you out of it,. Inshallah you will be ok and may Allah give you an easy time with your conversion ,
Muslim are not allowed girlfriends/boyfriends so he will have not told his parents. If you are both ready for marriage than maybe he could suggest it to his parents,.
Alhamdulilah, i have not had any problems with my husbands family, they have never asked me about my past and completly accepted me, which i am very grateful for.
Inshallah everything will work out for you, Let us know how it goes and If you need help further let us know!!
Posted 19 February 2004 - 08:42 AM
Firstly welcome to the forum and congratulations for reverting to islam!
In my experience, Moroccan and Algerian families are very pleased and proud when their son marries a convert. I'm a convert married to an Algerian and I've always been warmly welcomed by his family, I know many convert sisters married to Algerians and Moroccans and they report the same thing. So don't worry! And you wanted to know what to expect - a lot of noise and fuss (in a positive way ). Just be yourself.
Posted 20 February 2004 - 07:21 PM
Insh'Allah you will say your Shahada as soon as possible. Trust me, you will feel so much better-well that's how I felt.
I don't have any advice how what to expect, etc....the only thing I recommend is for you to be yourself!! Everyone is different, no matter where you come from or which culture. I'm assuming that they will accept you and embrace you the same as if you were muslim all of your life, hey they may even respect you more because you reverted. I have heard many people say that they admire those that reverted as it is not always an easy thing to do!
So....I just wanted to wish you well and I look forward to hear about your reversion (I'm assuming that makes sense )
Posted 24 February 2004 - 03:53 AM
The Morrocan people usually will not have a problem with one who embraces Islam, They will usually accept the new muslim and she will be come a part of the family. When I was living in Morroco I found the people there to be very friendly and willing to help. They are warm and a caring people. Masha-Allah The country is beautiful and I wish I could have stayed.
The Arab women, usually they will greet someone who embraces very warmly and try to help you learn the things you will need to know. When I first became a Muslim over 25 years ago, most of my very good friends and closes sisters were from different parts of the Arab world and they help me so much, they were loving, kind and help me to progress in my deen. Masha-Allah. But you must talk with them and be friendly with them and sometimes you may have to start the conversation because they are very shy to begin with. Be open, be friendly and you will make a lot of friends. Insha-Allah. (dont say anything about a boyfriend though, wait until after the wedding to mention anyone) This is just for your reputations protection and this is why the brother has not mentioned you to his family. He wants them to think good of you.Insha-Allah.
The sister who said not to talk about your past is totally correct. In Islam we do not talk about the past or the sins that we may of did before becoming muslim. This is only between you and Allah. So keep quiet if you were involved in anything that was not from Islam. This is between you and Allah.
I do hope that you embrace Islam and that you want to learn about the religion and I hope that you will learn prayer right away and do 5 salats(prayers a day). Insha-Allah. Since there are no boyfriend/girlfriend relationships in Islam, I hope that a wedding is coming up, right after the Shahada. So that you will begin your life as a new muslim in the Halal manner. if you need anything please feel free to ask.
Posted 28 February 2004 - 10:37 AM
I too am married to a moroccan for 11.5 years now, but I was not a revert when me married. I only reverted 5 years ago after a long study and understanding the basics of islam.
When my husband told his father about us getting married ( all his family are in morocco) his father was absolutely against it and did not want to know. But then we had our first son 14 months later and went to morocco when he was 2 and the whole family are so fantastic. His father thinks of me as one his own daughters and respects me fully.
My older son has been going to morocco on his own since he was 5 and they have him every summer holiday.
We are in constant contact with them and I try to communicate as much as I can in arabic.
I can honestyly say that If you do have problems with the family like other friends of mine who had bad times. Not allowed in the house, never invited to weddings or other eids. But are now happily involved in all family acitivities.
All I can say is stick with it and inshallah everything should turn out ok. Just act as calm as you can and show them that you are totally behind your husband and his family. We allways help out any members of family that need help, in anyway we can. So proving that you are able to put yourself forward in any way to help, makes them more proud of you than just being the wife of their son or realtive.
Like me our families now make plans that involve all of us.
Posted 28 February 2004 - 01:24 PM
I just wanted to say thank you for all the advice you have given to our soon to be sister Masha(inshallah) and I also wanna say you have truely helped me too. I am not yet married but there may be something in the pipeline from an Algerian brother. This has been bothering me for quite some time now because of the different cultures and the fact that he wants to move back to Algeria. I worry about the current state of the country and whether it is a safe place or not. I have to say though I have been making duaa to come to a good decision and stumbling upon this post has helped me see that this is a good chance for me and my future inshallah. I also worry about the fact that he doesnt have residency here... has anyone had problems with that???
Anyway just wanted to say.... may Allah (swt) reward you all for your efforts.
Posted 29 February 2004 - 12:38 PM
My husband says it depends from what part of morocco he comes from and if he is a burba.
Your best chance is to go algeria on a holiday and see how get on from there.
Also when I married my husband he was classed as an illegal immigrant. When I was about to give birth to my first child we had to go to croydon and they decided that they were going to send him back to morocco. Because they said that they could not prove my child was his.
After 4 hours we were let home. and we had to wait 2 and half years for an aswer. We were not entitled to any benefits only me as a single person. They refused to pay me any beneifit for my son also.
Sorry to babble on.
Posted 29 February 2004 - 01:24 PM
I just have a question
What does this mean? Ive heard the expression before and what are the difficulties in this if it is true??
Posted 29 February 2004 - 04:03 PM
My friends say because of all upheaval overthere, some parts of algeria do not take kindly to foreigners.
My mum-inlaw is a burba, and they are more open to the fact that westerners are marrying into islam and are willing to face any problems that may occur within the family life and the country.
i dont want to get too political if you know what I mean. Our friends have just come back and they said that it is getting better.
Burbas all it means is that they are not city folk, they have their own language and own traditions. Like the scottish and the welsh have their own traditions and language.
Posted 29 February 2004 - 04:11 PM
Posted 29 February 2004 - 04:32 PM
I would move to morocco anytime.
I went on holidays first. Last year i spent 7 weeks there when his sister got married. It was hard living in the same house. Because of the culture.
So if I had my own place then yes definately. He is from casablanca a very large city. And eye opener it really is. No tourists at all as it is your typical town in casablanca. further toward the town and then you see the tourists.
Posted 29 February 2004 - 04:34 PM
Im really sorry about takin up the time in ur thread... inshallah what sis Vanilla has sais though my questions will help.... and Sis Vanilla.. wanna chat?? U got MSN or yahoo? Id really like to add u to my addressbook inshallah
Posted 29 February 2004 - 08:01 PM
I do have yahoo messenger if you want contact me there or by my e-mail.
Maybe texting might be a good idea too so if you want let me know and ill e-mail my numer to you via your private e-mail
inshallah Ill hear from you soon
Posted 29 February 2004 - 08:57 PM
lol txtin is an issue with me at the moment cause my phone bills are abit huge but Ill add my email on so give me a shout inshallah cause Ive just noticed u aint here :cry: inshallah we can chat soon.
And when u see it... could u email me straight away so I can remove it then, inshallah the pms will be up and running soon
Posted 01 March 2004 - 01:09 AM
I lived in Morroco for 4 months and it was a life that I wish I could live forever. I loved the people. I was in tangier and it was not a real big city but it had everything you could want. I do not see that you would have a problem, if you are a Muslim and abide by the dress of the country, wear their style jilbab's and hijab. You should blend right in. Most people in Morroco would speak to me in Arabic and when they heard the accent they were surprized I was not from Morroco. I wore there Jilbab and Hijab's which are nice. Now are you talking about Morroco or Alegeria for even though they are both in North Africia the culture will be somewhat different. Just as Libya would be different...
If you care about someone and are thinking of marrying them, why should you care about the residency issues. just live in whatever country that is the best for you both...I like the North Afriacan countries and I would go there in a minute flat. Insha-Allah.I actually do not understand why anyone who was born there would want to live in the West. I love it, just love it.
Posted 01 March 2004 - 05:30 PM
I also stated that I would move to morocco anytime. Even my husband who is moroccan would not move to algeria just like that.
They may be in the north of africa but they are totally different in their outlook on how things should be.
I have been going there for 9 years and yes they are a fantastic friendly country. I have 2 boys and my eldest who speaks arabic they cant tell
hes english until I come along. Blonde hair blue eyes and very pale.
Whats funny is they try to speak english and gets their words muddled, which is good. They help me with my arabic and vice versa.
Posted 29 March 2004 - 10:27 AM
Posted 30 March 2004 - 01:17 AM
You wanted to know what Barber (burba) means Barbairian this is a tribe that speaks there own language and usually only marry within the tribe. They are usually from the villages out in the country, not in the city. Very nice people except for the issues of marrying outsiders..But like anything else we should not generalize on these issue and you will find some that have married outsiders. I know someone who married a barber and stayed married for over 20 years.
Posted 05 April 2004 - 12:02 PM
i am english married to a algerian, i have been to algerian 3 times in the last 6 months, the last visit staying for more than a month, i have had no problems being english there what so ever (but you really do need to learn french or arabic as not many people speak english if you want live there)to be honest no one will even know you are foreign unless you speak anyway, i never felt in any danger at anytime,i never felt any hostility, the people were lovely very freindly.i love the country and would happily live there if i didnt have a daughter from my first marriage.
i really miss it and the life there, most of the women wear hijab, there is a mosque close by at all times,you can hear the adhan, , all the meat is halal you dont even have to think about it, most of the resturants have a family room so you dont have to eat with alot of men near you if your out with your husband, the single men sit alone in another part.my dh family are wonderful people they made me very welcome and accepted me as part of the family, i saw part or ramadam there and there is a really community feel when everyone is muslim and fasting.the shops stay open late everyone goes out in the night visiting.
but like with moving anywere its best to visit to see if you will like it first.
as for the different cultures i have found no problems becouse were both muslim.everyone is different so you really must find out from him what he thinks about things then you can see if there will be any cultural problems and if you will be compatable or not.
hope this helps some and sorry for my late reply i only just read this post
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