I was pressured into getting enagged and I have absolutely no feelings for my fiance I have tried but it does not work. I have tried to make my parents understand but they do not and refuse to end my engagement. I have therefore decided to end my engagement myself. What is my place here religiously? Have I angered God for not agreeing with my parents and staying engaged to this man when I have no feelings for him? My parents say yes but I really believe since it is my life, no. Please help!
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Breaking with my fiance
Started by
Guest_dal1a_*
, Dec 05 2003 11:28 PM
2 replies to this topic
#2
Posted 07 December 2003 - 12:28 PM
Salam alikom
Question :
Is it considered a sin to refuse to marry a good muslim man for personal reasons, i.e. doesn't like him?
What are the bad consequences of such an action, on a personal level and in general, if there are any?
Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
No, this is not considered to be a sin, because Islamic says that personal conviction has its role to play in marriage. (A woman may not like a man because of something in his appearance, and she is not sinning if she refuses his offer of marriage), but if you fear that you may miss the boat or that you may not receive a similar offer, then put your feelings aside, use your common sense and hasten to get married.
From the answer of Shaykh Ibraaheem al-Khudayri.
If a woman follows her whims and desires by rejecting a man who is religiously-committed and has a good attitude, she may be punished by remaining a spinster (i.e., unmarried).
May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
Question :
Is it considered a sin to refuse to marry a good muslim man for personal reasons, i.e. doesn't like him?
What are the bad consequences of such an action, on a personal level and in general, if there are any?
Answer :
Praise be to Allaah.
No, this is not considered to be a sin, because Islamic says that personal conviction has its role to play in marriage. (A woman may not like a man because of something in his appearance, and she is not sinning if she refuses his offer of marriage), but if you fear that you may miss the boat or that you may not receive a similar offer, then put your feelings aside, use your common sense and hasten to get married.
From the answer of Shaykh Ibraaheem al-Khudayri.
If a woman follows her whims and desires by rejecting a man who is religiously-committed and has a good attitude, she may be punished by remaining a spinster (i.e., unmarried).
May Allaah bless our Prophet Muhammad.
Islam Q&A
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid (www.islam-qa.com)
#3
Posted 07 December 2003 - 12:34 PM
Salam alikom
The young lady is not to be forced to marry a man she does not want to marry
Question: Is it allowed for a father to force his daughter to marry a specific man that she does not want to many?
Response: Neither the father nor anyone other than the father may force a woman who is under his guardianship to marry a man that she does not want to many. In fact, her permission must be sought. The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:
((The non-virgin [without a husband] must not be married until she is consulted. A virgin must not be married until her permission is sought)).
They said: "O Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) how is her permission given?" He said:
((By her being silent)).
Another narration states:
((Her silence is her permission)).
Yet a third narration states:
((A virgin's father seeks her permission and her permission is her remaining silent)).
The father must seek her permission if she is nine years of age or above. Similarly, her other guardians may not marry her off except by her permission. This is obligatory upon all of them. If one is married without permission, then the marriage is not valid. This is because one of the conditions of the marriage is that both partners accept the marriage. If she is married without her permission, by threat or coercion, then the marriage is not valid.
The only exception is in the case of the father and his daughter who is less than nine years of age. There is no harm if he gets her married while she is less than nine years old, according to the correct opinion. This is based on the Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) marrying ‘Aa.ishah without her consent when she was less than nine years old, as is stated in authentic hadeeth. However, if she is nine years old or more, she cannot be married, even by her father, except with her consent.
The husband should not approach the woman if he knows that she does not want him, even if the father approves of it. He must fear Allaah and not approach any wife that did not want him even if her father claims that he did not coerce her. He must avoid what Allaah has forbidden for him. This is because the Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) ordered that her permission must be sought. We also advise the woman to fear Allaah and to accept the man if her father finds that he is suitable to marry her, as long as the prospective groom is good in his religion and character. This is true even if the one who is doing the marrying is not the girl's father [but her legal guardian]. We make this advice because there is lots of good and lot of benefits in marriage.
Also, there are lots of hazards in living as a maiden. I advise all young ladies to accept those men who come to them if they are qualified. They should not use schooling, teaching or other causes as an excuse to avoid marriage.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz
Fataawa al-Mar.ah
(www.fatwa-online.com)
The young lady is not to be forced to marry a man she does not want to marry
Question: Is it allowed for a father to force his daughter to marry a specific man that she does not want to many?
Response: Neither the father nor anyone other than the father may force a woman who is under his guardianship to marry a man that she does not want to many. In fact, her permission must be sought. The Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) said:
((The non-virgin [without a husband] must not be married until she is consulted. A virgin must not be married until her permission is sought)).
They said: "O Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) how is her permission given?" He said:
((By her being silent)).
Another narration states:
((Her silence is her permission)).
Yet a third narration states:
((A virgin's father seeks her permission and her permission is her remaining silent)).
The father must seek her permission if she is nine years of age or above. Similarly, her other guardians may not marry her off except by her permission. This is obligatory upon all of them. If one is married without permission, then the marriage is not valid. This is because one of the conditions of the marriage is that both partners accept the marriage. If she is married without her permission, by threat or coercion, then the marriage is not valid.
The only exception is in the case of the father and his daughter who is less than nine years of age. There is no harm if he gets her married while she is less than nine years old, according to the correct opinion. This is based on the Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) marrying ‘Aa.ishah without her consent when she was less than nine years old, as is stated in authentic hadeeth. However, if she is nine years old or more, she cannot be married, even by her father, except with her consent.
The husband should not approach the woman if he knows that she does not want him, even if the father approves of it. He must fear Allaah and not approach any wife that did not want him even if her father claims that he did not coerce her. He must avoid what Allaah has forbidden for him. This is because the Messenger of Allaah (sal-Allaahu `alayhe wa sallam) ordered that her permission must be sought. We also advise the woman to fear Allaah and to accept the man if her father finds that he is suitable to marry her, as long as the prospective groom is good in his religion and character. This is true even if the one who is doing the marrying is not the girl's father [but her legal guardian]. We make this advice because there is lots of good and lot of benefits in marriage.
Also, there are lots of hazards in living as a maiden. I advise all young ladies to accept those men who come to them if they are qualified. They should not use schooling, teaching or other causes as an excuse to avoid marriage.
Shaykh Ibn Baaz
Fataawa al-Mar.ah
(www.fatwa-online.com)
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